Kismet
by spottedhorse
Summary: Jim Brass is working a case when he meets someone who rattles his cage. Then his whole world turns upside down. R&R please.
1. The fan

The case looked fairly cut and dried, the victim lying on the floor with a bullet hole in him and the suspect against the wall, his pistol safely in the custody of the CSIs. But Jim Brass still had witnesses to interview and calmly worked through the room, talking to each one. Currently, he was talking to a middle-aged business man whose attention had been wholly on the attractions of, well…shall we say a professional woman, and consequently had missed the action that led to the shooting. For the hundredth time since entering the bar, Jim felt a tingling on the back of his neck and had the feeling that someone was watching him. Briefly, he scanned the room again, looking for the watcher.

His eyes settled on a young woman, mid twenties…thirty at the most, and as she saw him looking her way, he noticed a definite blush creep up her neck and into her face. _Ah ha, _he thought_, gottcha! _ He decided she would be his next interview. Finishing with the man, he nodded and backed away, turned and headed towards the young woman, absentmindedly flexing his fingers on his hand. It wasn't that he thought she really had anything to add to the story, but it had been a long time since a pretty young thing had blushed over him and he was curious, a little egotistical and somewhat nervous.

If anything, Jim Brass was a realist. He knew that as his waistline had expanded and his hairline receded his predator days were coming to a close. Lately it seemed the only women attracted to him were over fifty and were having their own issues with aging. Not that there was anything wrong with over fifty, mind you….but his prospects were limited, at best. So he was finding it hard to believe that this pretty thing was truly blushing over him. There had to be more to the story. He'd never been a main attraction to begin with he knew, and he certainly was way down on the billboard these days. There just had to be more to her story.

"I'm Detective Jim Brass, LVPD," he began. She looked at him, her eyes not quite meeting his face as she both smiled and blushed at the same time. I'm….Micha…Hunter," she stammered, her face fully flushed. Jim studied her, a little thrown by her obvious discomfort with him, unsure of the cause. "I, um…have a few questions…about the shooting," he said quietly, trying to remain calm. _She can't really be blushing over me…_

She nodded, her eyes fixed on the knot in his tie. He noticed that she was having a hard time swallowing. _She must not get out much... probably a librarian or something…_ "Um, did you see what happened here?" Pushing his ego aside, he tried to focus on the job.

"Not all of it," she said so quietly that he had to lean in to hear, setting off more blushes from her. "But…the dead guy…he was trying to start a fight with another man," she paused to look around the room. "That one over there, in the green shirt," she said. "Then the guy with the gun came over and they exchanged words and the guy in the green…he walked away. Then those two," she said indicating the victim and the shooter, "got really angry and then….that man shot the other one." Her color subsided as she got involved with the story and became less focused on Jim. "Yeah…okay, well…that matches what everyone else is saying," he told her. "Look, if you happen to think of anything else," he said as he handed her his card, "call me, okay?" he smiled. She nodded, her eyes finally making it to his face. _God, she has beautiful eyes…and such innocence in them… _Jim stepped away, determined to let her keep her innocence.

As he moved around the room, finishing his work at the scene, he felt her gaze following him. He turned at one point and saw her talking to Greg Sanders. She seemed fine, no blushes and very talkative. Greg was telling her something and then her gaze shot back to him and her face turned bright red again. He saw her take a deep breath and swallow and then she began to relax, a small smile working at the corners of her mouth. Her wide eyes softened as she looked at him square in the face. _Damn, you're too old to be playing this game…especially with her…she's like…Ellie's age._

Finally, they released the witnesses and people began to trickle out of the room. She lingered and became one of the last to leave. He saw her cast him one last look and then glance down at his card, still tightly gripped in her hand. He felt someone ease up to his side and heard Sanders clear his throat. "You um…seem to have a fan," Sanders said quietly.

"What?" Jim said, startled out of his observance. "A what?.."

"She was asking me all kinds of questions about you…and I noticed her eyes hardly ever left you the whole time. You still got it, Brassman," Sanders teased.

Jim guffawed. "Probably remind her of a favorite uncle or something," he shrugged, his male pride secretly stoked. "Anyway, are we done here?"

"Yes, Uncle…we can leave now," Greg said, chuckling to himself.

It was hours later before Jim broke away from PD and headed home for some much needed rest. He broke the seal on some twenty five year old Chivas Regal that he'd kept hidden in the back of the cupboard. _Seems appropriate since that's probably her age…_

Once he'd poured a stiff drink he settled into his favorite chair and let his mind wander over the young woman. She was about five and half feet tall, a little taller than he usually liked them, but he couldn't deny that every inch of her looked good. She had long legs that travelled up to a promising torso, with a flat stomach and tits that begged for sucking. _Damn, when'd you turn into a dirty old man?_ Jim grunted as his mind continued to work. _What'd you expect, since you were a dirty young man…but god, her tits were…shit, leave it alone…_Jim took another swig and sighed. _Oh hell, might as well give in, dirty thoughts is about all the action you're gonna get anyway, _he mused. But as he thought more about her, he realized that her eyes intrigued him the most. They were an unusual color of green…leaning towards blue and when she looked at him, they reflected such innocence…and trust. He was sure that no one had ever looked at him in quite that way before. Something stirred deep within him, something of the idealist he'd been before the cynicism had set in. He'd once looked at the world the way she had looked at him. _But that was a long time ago…very long time ago…_

Something else occurred to him as he stared down into the glass of amber liquid. "I've never felt so old and so young at the same time…," he said to the empty room, _as when she looked at me._

He knocked back the rest of the glass and headed to bed. Sleep was difficult to come by, however, as his mind kept the image of her wide-open innocent look in front of him. _Damn, it's been a long time since I felt this lonely… _An ache grew within him for the simple touch of another human…one in particular.

Frustrated, Jim stalked out of his room and back down the hall. He poured another glass of the warm amber drink and downed it quickly, seeking the numbness it would provide. After downing a third glass full, he began to feel the desired effects, as his body began to relax and fog began to cloud his mind. He closed his eyes and hoped that oblivion would follow, but she was still there.

He took a mental inventory, beginning with her auburn hair, naturally so if he was any kind of a judge at all. She had an olive complexion and of course, those green eyes. They were set between high cheekbones, giving her a bit of an exotic look. Her nose was small, _kind of cute,_ he thought as he remembered the slight upturn in its set on her face. And as he envisioned her lips, he felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her. _From the way she was acting, she'd be receptive too…_

_Who you kiddin'? _he asked himself. _She'd get one good look at your beat up old carcass and puke right then and there. Gotta quit doing this to yourself, Jimmy…_

Suddenly, rage inundated him, sending blood rushing through his veins. His head felt like it might explode and in his sudden fit of anger, he hurled his glass across the room, and watched as it smashed into the wall and fell into fragments on the floor. Slumping back into the chair, he felt an overwhelming sense of despair. "Am I ever going to find someone…for me?" His question tumbled across the quiet room and died a silent death, as no answer came.

Jim sat, staring at the broken pieces of glass for a long time. Somewhere in his muddled mind, he was comparing the glass to his life…broken into dozens of little pieces, hopeless and irreparable…something to be swept up and thrown out with the rest of the garbage. He felt the tears that were trickling down his face but he didn't care. He'd cared for too much for too long..._and where'd that get me…a cold empty bed…no one who cares if I live or die. How did I end up this way? _An inner voice answered him. _Cause you're an ass Jimmy Brass and you screw up every good thing that comes your way. _

His mind began to formulate a list of the good things, immediately dismissing his ex but putting Ellie at the top. Then there was Annie. _You might have had a chance there, asshole…but you blew it by trying to make your worthless marriage into something it wasn't. _He'd met a couple of other possibilities along the way but fear had kept him from taking any big steps. Sometimes, he thought that he and Catherine might work, but she was still reeling from the hurt of Gil falling for Sara and then leaving. Sofia had seemed interested for awhile but he had taken the role of mentor with her and their relationship evolved into more of a father/daughter kind of thing. His latest fiasco had been the Nettles woman. _Damn, could you have been any more stupid? _And then her face flashed through his mind again…Micha. _God, she is beautiful…and the way she looked at me…damn. Of course, she doesn't know you, does she? If she did, she'd run as fast and as far away as she could. _He fell into a daze, subconsciously nursing his self-loathing and misery. Sometime later he stumbled back to it, his cold empty bed.


	2. To Dream

Finally Jim fell asleep, only to be plagued by dreams. But even in his sleep, he knew the dreams made no sense. It was as if he were in a different time and place. But her eyes were the same…or rather, the expression in her eyes; her face changed.

_Flames, the house afire, fully engulfed in fire, lighted the dark night. He skirted the area, avoiding falling timbers, frantic to get to her. Finally, she was there, crumpled in heap near the woods, terror on her face. He knelt beside her, "Abigail…oh my precious, you're hurt."_

_She looked up at him; her face smeared with soot and marked where ashes had fallen on her porcelain skin. "Nathan…the house, all that you've worked so hard for…"_

"_You are hurt," he insisted. "That's all that matters to me. I have to get you to safety." He bent to lift her but she cried out in pain. "Please Nathan, they'll find you…I'll be all right. Cora will see the flames from her place…you go…before they find you. They'll hang you, you know they will…" He looked around, trying to decide what to do. "Go", she insisted…pushing him away. "Cora and the boys will be here soon…I'll be fine." He heard horses on the opposite side of the house and knew they had come, the hated Redcoats. "I'll find you at Cora's then," he told her as he quickly kissed her and disappeared into the brush._

_He watched from the woods as they rode into the yard, circling their handy work…his lifetime of work in flames. Then one of them spotted her and rode towards her. He dismounted and knelt as if he might help her. "Please," he prayed…"have mercy, help her…" Then the Captain rode to her, leaned over and thrust his sword through her already injured body. Rage flooded through him as he charged out of the woods, leaping at the officer, his knife aiming for the man's throat. The Captain turned and wielded his sword…_

Jim woke from the dream, sweating and full of fury. He shook his head as if it would shake the images from his mind. But he still saw her eyes…Abigail's, no…Micha's. He frowned in confusion. "What the hell was that," he said aloud, breaking the spell of the dream. He walked to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face, still trying to make sense of the dream. _Who were those people? Maybe a movie I saw…yeah, that must be it…_ But a feeling was gnawing at him that that wasn't it…something about it felt real.

The next few days were busy, Vegas in the summer always was. Three murders were still open cases and there had been a major robbery at one of the casinos. Then there were all the petty crimes that always revolved around the tourists, picked pockets, minor assaults, and the trick rolls. Jim hardly had time to think about anything beyond the next case. But at night, he dreamed of her; well, variations of her, anyway. He'd had three different dreams with her eyes in them, all in different times and different places, the players having different names. But she always looked at him with those eyes. It was really beginning to freak Jim out. He didn't know what to do with it. If Grissom were still around…maybe he could figure it out, but he wasn't. Briefly, he remembered that Lady Heather was a therapist now, but decided he didn't need _that_ complication in his life. So he did nothing, except work the next case and then move on to the next one.

His days and nights went like that, hard work and disturbing dreams, for almost a month. And then, he saw her again, in the flesh. This time she was on Freemont Street. He was there, investigating a stabbing that could turn into a homicide and he spotted her. She was watching him again, but this time her eyes met his, although shyly. His eyebrows twitched and he kept an eye on her as he worked the scene. Eventually, he walked over to her. "Did you see what happened?" he asked, using his investigation as an excuse to talk to her. "No," she nodded. "I came up just as your people arrived. I..um…well, I was kind of hoping you'd show up." She was blushing wildly again. Her blushes, her manner with him, the way she looked at him; it unnerved him. "You um…hoped I…"

"Yes. I um…I...I wanted to see you again but I couldn't get…um, the …courage to …call you," she stammered, blushes on top of blushes. "I um…well, usually, I …" she took a deep breath, "Usually I'm not this tongue-tied but there's something about you that I just…you make me feel…I dunno know…I want to …Oh god, this isn't going well at all…" She rolled her eyes and seemed to retreat into herself.

Jim shuffled and smiled. "Hold on, hold on," he said, putting his hand up to slow her down. "It's okay. I don't bite…well, not very often anyway. Look…I mean is there something you wanted to tell me or something?"

She looked up him timidly. "I um…oh gosh, it's just…I can't stop thinking…" she gasped for air, "thinking about you and I just…needed to see you," she said, her voice falling into a whisper, embarrassment enveloping her. "I…well…there's…something about you that…," she gulped for more air. "I find you very attractive," she finally managed, her bluish green eyes settling on him, full of fear and anticipation. Jim felt a huge rush of all varieties as her words sank in. Blood rushed through him, sending his nerves into hyper drive and engorging a certain part of his anatomy. His heart was beating uncontrollably, the blood pumping through it ferociously. And his brain was buzzing…_she needed to see you…can't stop thinking about you…like you can't stop thinking about her…she is attracted? _He wanted to do something about it right then and there but his better self kicked in. _Whoa buddy, she's half your age…at best. And…you don't know her or she you…and…this isn't the time or place…slow down…_

She watched as he fought his senses for control, not really realizing what she was doing to him. "Look," he managed finally. "I'm...um, on the clock, ya know…" He swallowed, willing his heart to slow down. "But…after…maybe breakfast?' It was the best he could do and he was mentally kicking himself for sounding so lame.

Her eyes widened and a huge smile broke out on her face. "Breakfast…would be…great," she said, breathless. "Where should I meet you?"

He frowned, thinking. "Here. I'll meet you here…at 8?"

She nodded, still smiling. "Eight in the morning, right here…yes…oh yes."

_God, she is such an innocent. What the hell are you doing? Damn you Brass…you shouldn't go near her…but…I can't keep her out of my head, _another voice kicked in._ I have to …to talk to her. Yeah…just talk…._

_Yeah, right._

For the rest of the night, Jim considered calling off the breakfast. As intriguing as Micha was, and his body wouldn't let him deny it, the idea that he would be anything but trouble for her was ridiculous. Still, he met her at 8:00 and walked her to a small little café around the corner.

She had smiled warmly at him when he met her at the assigned spot. And the look she gave him, one of intense relief and happiness, had set his gut into churn mode. His constant battle between his emotions, physical ache, and conscience was wearing him down. As they settled at their table and he looked across at her, his conscience began to lose.

"Did you catch the bad guy?" she asked in an obvious attempt at conversation. She was nervous and seemed to be on edge.

Playing along, Jim nodded. "Yeah, we did, except in this case, it was a bad girl….a very bad girl," his eyes glimmering as he remembered the case. She looked confused but he suspected that was a common expression for her. "She was a hooker," he decided to explain. Her face was blank at first and then slowly his meaning began to sink in. then with a faint flush in her face, her expression changed. "Sometimes I wish…I mean…those women are so free and easy with men, it seems…I wish I could…"

"No you don't," Jim said quickly. "They, well…their relations with men…that's not for you. _Especially you…_You should find someone special and settle down, have a family and all. I just don't see you with a different guy every night…"_or two or three men a night… _The idea of her hooking was eating at him.

"Oh, I didn't mean that I want to…you know. I just wish I could…well, I know you've noticed how…awkward I am." Her hands were fidgeting as she spoke. "And I just wish that I were more…sophisticated."

This was killing him. She was so ingenuous; her artlessness was refreshing to the seasoned, skeptical and cynical detective. He didn't want her to change but he knew life would do that to her. And if he wasn't careful, he would be the one to do it. The fact that he was feeling an intense attraction for her wasn't helping, but he was determined to not spoil her innocence.

"You're good the way you are," he told her gently. "A man would be very lucky for you to want him."

She looked at him oddly, sending his gut into another churn cycle. Clearly, he was one man whose attention she was seeking. Hopefully, there were others. "Then I suppose you are a lucky man," she whispered, her eyes darting to a speck on the table.

The waitress appeared to take their orders. "What'll you and your daughter have, sir?" she asked. Jim winced. But Micha began to giggle. "He's not my father," she told the waitress, uneasily.

"Oh, well pardon me," the waitress said sarcastically, shooting Jim an evil look. "Well, then, is this separate checks?" Jim glared back at her. "No, the check is mine." He really didn't like the way the woman was glaring at him or the cloud the woman's suspicions put over Micha.

Once the woman was gone, Jim turned his attention back to his young companion. "I'm sorry about that," he told her. She smiled at him. "She thinks you and I, that we're…"

"That I am a dirty old man that is robbing the cradle," Jim said candidly.

She looked at him, bemused. "You are not. If anything it is I who…who," she was blushing furiously as she tried to complete her sentence. "It is I who is … chasing you." She swallowed heavily as she finished, her eyes downcast as the redness continued to fill her face.

Jim was deeply touched by her admission. He knew that it had been difficult for her. Hell, he wasn't sure he would have the balls to confess something like that so early in a relationship. _Not that there's going to be a relationship. _There was something about her, about the way she was pursuing him, a desperation almost…something he couldn't quite grasp. But whatever it was, he couldn't allow himself to get caught by her. "Well, as flattered as I am," he said, "you really shouldn't be wasting your time and …allure on me. I'm much too old for a beautiful young lady like you."

Her eyes met his with vigor. "You think that I'm…I'm beautiful?" Her voice was soft, wistful and her expression was enthralling.

"Yes, but surely you know that…see it when you look in the mirror." She stared at him wide eyed and disbelieving. Then she nodded negatively, muted by the power of his words. "Oh come on, Micha, you're …well, I can't believe you don't see it. You're the prettiest thing I've laid eyes on in a long time. But," he paused, a little mystified, "hasn't anyone else ever said that to you?"

"No," she whispered shyly.

"Damn." He frowned, wondering what the hell her family had been thinking. "Honey, you are beautiful…and you should be told that every day."

Her face lit up. "Then you must tell me…every day."

"Whoa, wait…hold on," he said, putting his hand up. "That should be the job of someone much younger than me…"

The waitress reappeared with their orders. Micha seemed dejected but then looked up at the woman. "He says I am beautiful," she said happily.

The woman cleared her throat, nodding. "Yeah, and I don't understand why you are wasting it on the likes of him," she growled. Jim glared at her and she glared back. "And I don't care if it does cost me my tip, she's too young and too pretty for you, you old lecher."

Silently Jim thanked her. Maybe the girl would hear another woman's opinion. But Micha surprised him when she got angry. "He is not," she yelled at the woman. The waitress withdrew, shaking her head.

They ate quietly, each in their own thoughts. Jim was trying to find a way to extricate himself without hurting Micha. He had developed a real tender spot for her and didn't want to see her hurt, especially by him. But this had to be like a crush or something…no way she could really be interested. He looked across at Micha's contemplative expression. _God, she's beautiful even when she's chewing…_

They finished breakfast and Jim offered to walk her back to her car. "But I don't drive," she said, somewhat embarrassed. "I took a cab."

Jim considered putting her in a cab and paying the fare, but he was curious to see where she lived. "Then let me give you a ride," he said.

They walked to his car and she smiled as he unlocked her door and waited while she slid in. Then closing the door, he walked to his side. Once he was in and his door was closed, he suddenly felt the closeness of it, the two of them in such a small space. He could smell her, hear her breathing, and it had every nerve on edge.

She stared out the window as he drove, looking only at him to give a direction. Finally, they arrived at her place, a large Victorian style house on a quiet residential street. "I rent a room here," she told him. "The owner is very nice. Her husband died a few years ago and she rents two rooms to supplement her income. The other boarder is a retired gentleman. The lady was a nurse and so we have nursing care, if we need it."

Jim frowned. Okay, he could see where that might concern a retiree, but someone her age wouldn't normally worry about having a nurse close by. "Well, it looks like a nice place. I wasn't even aware of this neighborhood, so it must be a very quiet, safe area."

"I like it," she said cheerfully.

Jim slipped out and walked around, opening her door for her. "Well, thanks for having breakfast with me," he told her. "I'm not used to such good company…in fact, I'm really not used to company at all."

She smiled at him. "Could we…I mean, if it wouldn't be a bother…maybe we could do it again?"

"Honey, you're not a bother. But I don't think it's a good idea. I'm not sure what you see in me, but you need to look at someone better for you. Don't waste your time on me."

Her face fell and he could see the beginnings of tears in her eyes. He suddenly felt like a real heel. "I'm sorry, Honey, but I'm just too old and too…cynical for you."

She sniffled and then she looked up at him. "I don't think you would ever hurt me on purpose and I know what you are doing and why…but….I think you are wrong." And then she bolted for her front door. Jim stood there, his heart in his stomach, and watched her as she went inside. Then taking a deep breath, he got back in his car and headed home.

BRASSROCKSBRASSROCKS

I'm beyond excited! Two of my stories got nominated in the LJ 2009 CSI fanfic Awards and one was a Brass one, Leap of Faith. Both stories are up agains some awesome stories by other writers so I don't expect to win, but I truly appreciate the nominations.

As for this story, I forgot to beg for reviews when I first posted and still got some wonderful ones. Thanks! Also, I need to mention that this story will be a little different for me, not too much...just a little. I hope you enjoy the ride. Please review and let me know what you are thinking as it unfolds. I will tell you that the story behind the OC is based on a true story that happened a few years ago where I live.


	3. Some Revelations

Jim was sound asleep, deep in another dream. "_Henry, you really must speak to Drew."_

"_What's he done now?"_

"_He is spending too much time with Lillian, the upstairs maid. I think there is something between them."_

"_Margaret, it is natural for the boy to ..well…sample the young ladies."_

"_As you sampled me?" she asked dryly._

_They way she looked at him got his attention. His blood heated and his body responded. "As I wish to sample you now," he whispered as he leaned over to nuzzle her._

"_I am tired," she confessed. "Perhaps it is time to retire."_

_Once they 'retired' he was lost in her, her aroma, the feel of her skin, her taste. She writhed beneath him, welcoming his touch, his kisses, and his manhood. As he pumped into her, he watched her face, the pleasure she was taking from him, and reveled in her expressions, first of sweet agony and then of sheer satisfaction. It was then that he felt himself explode into her…_

Jim woke in a sweat with a rock hard cock. The dream, like all of them, felt real. And as he remembered her face, he recognized the eyes. They were her eyes…Micha's.

It took a cold shower and an hour of watching an old movie for him to settle back down and sleep. But he still dreamed … dreams of her.

Three days later, he was sitting at Frank's waiting for his breakfast order, trying to shake off the evil from the previous night, when she walked in. She spotted him and walked to his table. He was tired and feeling very old in light of the case that he'd just closed, the paperwork waiting on his desk for one more glance before his signature. Keeping his emotions in check with her wasn't something he was sure he was going to be able to do. Still, he invited her to sit.

She looked at him with raw desire, something he'd not seen from her before, something he wasn't sure that she even understood. Her cheeks were tinged with red and Jim couldn't understand why she seemed to have these feelings for him. His feelings for her were obvious, he thought. What guy with breath still in him wouldn't be attracted?

But that a young woman would find anything attractive about him was beyond his comprehension. Yet, here she sat, obviously interested. _But she's an innocent; she doesn't know what she's getting into,_ his conscience reappeared.

Her eyes sparkled as she looked at him. "You look…tired."

"I am," he confessed. "But hey, can we talk about something…I dunno…not about me….something fresh…clean…you?" he asked, wanting to get his mind away from the previous night.

"I...I…" she stammered and then took a deep breath. "There's not much to know. I, um…work as a paralegal for Mark Nelson. He's a …"

"Lawyer," Jim finished. "Yeah, I've crossed paths with him a few times. He's good and seems to stay away from the sleaze that clogs our justice system."

She smiled again. "Yes," she said as her eyes dipped. "He's good…"

Jim tilted his head. "But…?"

"He…well, …he's not a nice man…"

Alarms went off in Jim's head. "Not nice?"

Looking down, she flustered again. "He…um…well, his secretary…he…they…you know…even though he's married and so is she…and…well, even with that, he doesn't …he isn't nice to her."

More alarms. "He hasn't ever…treated you like that, has he?" Jim asked, trying to remain calm.

She looked up in surprise. "Oh no…he um…well, I'm not… flashy enough for him." She looked very embarrassed and Jim couldn't determine why. Was the whole topic hard for her or was she embarrassed that the jerk wasn't interested in her. "Not being flashy is a good thing," Jim said quietly, hoping to comfort her.

"Oh, I know…I don't want… his …attention."

Jim began to relax…until another thought occurred. "But you are sitting here with me? He and I are about the same age…" Jim had never seen the particular shade of red that flooded her face. "You…aren't like him."

"I'm probably more like him than you think," he said, remembering Rita Nettles and a few other women he'd met along the way. "Besides, you could have your choice of any number of guys nearer your own age….why are you here with me?"

Again, she looked down, fidgeting with something in her lap. "You seem…nice," she said very softly, "and... and I like the …way I feel when I'm with you." And then, "but I can understand why you wouldn't be interested in me…"

Jim's eyebrow shot up and then he tilted his head and leaned it down, trying to catch her eyes. "Micha…honey…I'm not really such a nice guy and…I'm the problem here, not you." _Damn, how can I explain this to her? She's so…naïve. Surely, she knows how inappropriate this would be…_

"No," she said, her head popping up to look at him. "You don't know…don't understand. I…I'm not…comfortable around…men." She paused and took another breath. "Except …you."

_She thinks she's comfortable? _"You were fine around Sanders at the bar…"

"Sanders? Oh, you mean the CSI. He was nice and kind of funny, but that's not what I meant. I meant…men that I'm… interested in."

Jim sat, transfixed. _Did she just say what I thought she said?_ His conscience really began to bother him. Suddenly his chair had tacks in it and his ass wanted out of it. "Honey, this is all wrong. It was wrong of me to ask you to breakfast and what I'm feeling right now is…very wrong. I have a daughter about your age."

Shock forced her eyes wide open. "You're …married? Mr. Sanders said you aren't…"

"No, no…I'm not. I was…a long time ago but…not now. But you shouldn't waste your time with a guy like me. You're way too young and pretty to be wasting time with me"

"There are things about me that you don't know," she told him. "I don't trust easily and…I know I can trust you. And you are…" once again she was blushing, "attractive…I mean…I…like you and well, you have…beautiful eyes," she managed.

Jim felt his heart tighten in his chest. She thought he was attractive; she liked him…she trusted him. "Honey, the things you don't know about me …well, they aren't pretty. Kind of like a real life horror story…"

She looked at him and…giggled. Jim couldn't believe his eyes or his ears, but she was giggling. His confusion must have registered with her because she tried to stop. "I just…" more giggles, "can't picture you in a…"suppressed giggles, "horror story. You're so…kind."

Jim's hand reached for the back of his neck, where he rubbed it, frustrated. How was he ever going to get it across to her? "Honey, I don't know how else to say this…but I really mean it, I'm too old and too…jaded for you. You are so young and innocent and…honest and pure. Don't waste it on an old dog like me."

She seemed to ignore him. "I'm not so innocent. There is more about me that you don't know…

Jim sensed that something heavy was about to happen and he didn't want it to go down in the middle of the diner. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his wallet and selected a bill, which he threw down on the table. "Come on." He said, motioning with his head towards the door.

"But you haven't eaten…"

"Suddenly, I'm not very hungry," he grumbled. "Let's have this conversation somewhere else."

She followed him to his car, where he opened the door for her and stood, waiting for her to get in. Once he was inside, he looked at her. "Your place or mine?" he asked, grumpily.

She looked at him quizzically. "It's obvious we need a place for this conversation that doesn't have a gaggle of ears listening in," he grimaced. "So…which is it?"

She nodded in understanding. "Your place," she said demurely. "There are ears at my place too."

Jim knew it was a mistake taking her to his place and a knot was forming in his stomach._ Maybe if I act more like her asshole of a boss and less like her knight in shining armor…_

They were quiet as he drove, her face emotionless until he pulled into his driveway. She smiled as she took in the fact that he lived in a house…in a neighborhood, with tress and kids playing down the street…the whole suburban package. He led her to his front door, where he opened it and invited her in. Once inside, he pulled his tie off, tossed it, along with his jacket, over a nearby chair, and headed for the kitchen. "Can I get you anything?"

"Ah…I am kind of thirsty…"

Jim pulled a bottle of Scotch from his cabinet and then staring at it, shrugged. Putting it back in its place, he opened the fridge door. "I got milk, bottled water, and um…oh yeah, o.j." "Orange juice sounds good," she answered, watching him from the doorway. He found a clean glass, poured her some, and then grabbed a bottle of water for himself. Exiting the room, he motioned towards his living room.

She sat on the couch and he in a chair next to it. "So, what's this 'more to tell me' stuff," he began.

"You seem to think I've led this really sheltered life…and I suppose in a way I have," she sighed. "But when I was twelve, I was…well, actually my whole family was in an…accident," she said meekly. The knot in Jim's gut tightened more and suddenly he felt a little sick. "Go on…"

"Well, I…maybe I should back up…. My parents…they were having problems…. They argued all the time and Dad was …jealous."

"Your father was jealous," Jim repeated. "Any reason he should've been?"

"No…Mama never looked at another man. But one day we, my two sisters, my brother and I, were going with her to Granny's. I was in the back of the car with my sisters and my brother was in the front with Mama. Suddenly a car hit us and sent us over an embankment. Mama was killed when her head hit the steering wheel. Josh, my brother, was thrown through the windshield and…the glass severed an artery and he…bled to death." Tears trickled down her cheeks and her eyes took on a haunted look. "My sisters and I were thrown out also. Kelsey, my older sister, was thrown against a tree and wedged between the car and a tree as the car continued to slide down the hill. Laurie landed on the side of the road. And I got caught in a tree. Laurie was still alive; I could see her moving and hear her crying…she was six. The other car backed up and ran over her, killing her. You might remember the case; my parents were Mike and Katie McMillian?"

The wheels were turning in Jim's head. "That happened not too long after I came here; I remember the talk. Oh my god, turned out he was the driver of the other car." Jim was at a loss about how to respond. "But you survived…it was your statement, description of the car that …that…"

Yeah," she sighed. "I knew my father's car but I couldn't get it out…tell them that it was him. But….I did manage to describe the car."

"But your last name is Hunter?"

"I changed it when I was eighteen. I was tired of carrying the baggage around. I had enough trouble just surviving…"

Jim nodded appreciatively. "So, what happened to you after…the um…_accident_?"

"Technically I was placed in foster care but my foster family couldn't handle it." She shrugged. "Didn't matter anyway, I spent most of the next ten years in one hospital after another while the doctors tried to put me back together both physically and emotionally. I had several surgeries…I was torn up pretty badly internally from landing in the tree. And emotionally…well, I was under some serious psychiatric care until about three years ago. So, you see, while most girls were learning about make-up and boys, I was in the hospitals, fighting for my life. I was never around boys my own age…only doctors and an occasional male nurse or tech…that's why I don't know how to…to….act around a man, especially one that…attracts me."

"It's also why you would look twice at an old fart like me," Jim said softly. "All the men you were around were older, I'm sure."

"I suppose…but when I tried to …you know, spend time with guys my own age, in the hospitals or later, when I was living on my own, they seemed so…trivial."

'All guys are trivial," Jim confessed. "But guys your age are men now…maybe they'll be better. Honey, I'm glad you told me this. And anytime you need a friend, well…I'll be here. But I can't be the man in your life…"

She looked down, sadly. "I understand. You don't want to deal with my past either. It's okay," she sighed.

"That's not it…I mean, well, yeah I don't because you shouldn't have to but…it happened and…well, its part of what makes you…you. So, I guess…oh hell, I dunno what I'm trying to say except that…well, oh, geez, that….well, its bullshit… that's not why I can't be your man. Like I've been trying to say, you should be with a younger man. Hell, we probably don't even like that same music…"

She looked at him tearfully. "I like about any kind of music," she said as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. "But..it's okay. I understand," she said, struggling for control. "I think I'd like to go home now…"

Jim felt like an asshole. The last thing he ever wanted to do was make her cry and he was doing just that. "Honey," he said sadly, "if I was about fifteen years younger, I'd be all over you, but this…it just wouldn't be right."

"Or if I were fifteen years older?" she said, trying to sound cheerful.

"Yeah"…he tried to sound upbeat.

When he pulled in front of her house, she turned to him. "Would you just do one thing?"

His eyebrow quirked up and he looked at her, expectantly. "Would you…I mean, I've never been kissed, I mean…you know, really kissed…would you at least…?"

Jim sighed. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, the nearness of her to him as he lingered sent heat through him. Backing away, he saw the hurt in her eyes. "Honey, if I kissed you like I want to…well, I wouldn't be able to stop. This is damned hard for me too…"

The hurt changed to a glimmer, a sparkle as she grasped his dilemma. _At least I didn't hurt her too bad…I gave her something…_ He watched her disappear behind her front door and then he headed back home to that bottle of Scotch.

BRASSROCKSBRASSROCKSBRASSROCKS

So this is chapter three and the reviews are slow in coming. Is anybody reading and if so, is it any good? If it isn't, what's wrong with it? Reviews help me do better. Besides, they do wonders for my ego, lol. I'm still writing; hopefully, someone is still reading.


	4. Careful, careful

Sorry about the delay. It was a long one for me. Hope you enjoy.

BRASSROCKS

"_Milady, you should not do this," he said as he looked at the beautiful woman who stood before him._

"_Be still, Lord Alfred has instructed me to care for you. Your sword is necessary in his plans." _

_He settled back on the cot that he rested on and watched as she tended to his wound. The battle that afternoon had been fierce and one of Prince Henry's knaves had thrust a spike into his leg as he'd battled the knights. The strike had caught him off guard and he would have been lost if not for the training of his horse, Caesar, who had turned on the knaves, reared, and pawed at all who approached with his hooves. Then he'd carried his master from the field, leaving the battle behind. "Damn that knave," he said as he winced from the pain her care was creating._

"_I'm very sorry Sir William. I know it hurts but it is necessary."_

_He looked down at Lady Miriam. "'Tis no matter. With your care, I'm sure the leg will heal. I am sorry that I am so gruff…"_

_She looked up at him and smiled. What a beautiful smile she had and her eyes, her eyes were like diamonds, they sparkled so brilliantly. Her expression took his breath away. "Sir William?" she asked, concerned. "I'm fine," he growled. _

_With her care, his leg did improve and as he was able to move about, he found her on a balcony. "Sir William," she smiled. "I am surprised to see you moving around so much."_

"_It is due to your care," he told her, his eyes locked with hers._

_She blushed and looked away. "It was…my pleasure," she said quietly._

"_Only because Lord Alfred insisted," he reminded her._

_She turned and looked at him intently. "No. I…have not forgotten what was before, what we shared. Alfred told me to see to your care but I decided to tend to it myself."_

_His heart rested in his throat. "You mustn't…if Alfred…"_

"_I don't care," she cried. "He may order me about as he pleases, but my heart…" she looked away sadly. "My heart will always be yours," she cried._

_He turned her face towards him. "As mine is yours. I have not married for a reason, my love. And I never shall. Alfred believes I am here for him, but it is you for whom I fight. You are the reason I breathe."_

"_William…I've transgressed. You shouldn't…" Her words were cut short by his kiss. "Miriam…oh my love…"_

_She tasted of the sweetest nectar. And as they joined, he felt that finally he had found his home. He would rejoin the war soon and go into battle, ready to defend her family's interests until his last breath, because he had found heaven with her and nothing else on this earth interested him. _

_As he mounted Caesar to leave, he looked up at her, standing on her balcony that overlooked the yard. She had told him her secret the previous night as they had lain together one last time. He would take her secret to his grave. She was with child, his child. Alfred would never know and would raise the child as his own. But she knew and as she had cried, she had confessed her happiness that she would always have a part of him._

_He looked up at her one last time and rode off to battle, his last battle, with the memory of her warmth in his heart._

Jim woke up, fighting for breath. He was clinging to his pillow, his sheets soaked in sweat. _It was so real,_ he thought. _Like the others…_

The dreams were driving him crazy, especially since he was certain that Micha was in every one of them…and so was he. _But why the different time periods…different places?_ He couldn't sort it out and he was becoming frustrated. He needed to talk it out with some one, but who? How would he bring it up anyway? _Hey, there's this woman and I'm boinking her anytime, anyplace…literally. _

Later that day he was sitting at his desk, ignoring the file that was open on top as he was contemplating his dreams. He sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes momentarily, trying to refocus. The sound of someone clearing their throat brought him back, his eyes opening to find Kerrie Wilson, one of the departmental shrinks, standing in front of his desk. His eyebrow cocked, Jim looked at her questionably. "Dr. Wilson?"

"Mind if I sit?" she asked, nodding towards a nearby chair. Jim tilted his head, indicating the chair and nodded. He watched her as she settled into the chair, waiting to hear the reason for her visit. Once she was comfortable, she looked across at him. "I just had a call from one of my colleagues. She was asking questions about you."

Jim frowned, wary of where this conversation might go. "About me?

"Yes, it seems you have crossed paths with one of her patients." Jim's eyebrow was arched, as he wondered what he had done now. "The patient can't seem to stop talking about you. It seems she's quite enamored."

"It's my winning personality," Jim quipped, smirking.

"Jim, I have to ask. Are you planning to see Micha Hunter?"

"Micha Hunter? What the hell…" Jim leaned back, swiping his face with his hand as he did. "She's…half my age. What's this all about, Kerrie?"

"Seems she's had a difficult time and has never shown an interest in well…anyone, romantically that is, until now."

"She um…yeah, she…Look, I told her that if she needs a friend, I'm here but that ...she's half my age…"

Kerrie Wilson looked at him, bemused. "A friend? You're amicable enough, Jim, but you choose your friends carefully. And here you are, suddenly offering friendship to a stranger. What is going on?"

Jim measured her words and how he wanted to respond to them. He could tell her that he was doing it because of his daughter, because he hoped someone would be there for her when she needed it…but that wasn't it. What he felt about Micha had nothing to do with Ellie. He could say it was nothing, just trying to get her to back off. But instead he sighed, "I keep having these dreams..," he told her.

Kerrie assumed her counselor posture and looked at him meaningfully. "Go on…"

"I um, don't know where to go with them. Every one is different…different time periods…places…but…each time, she's there…Micha…and so am I."

"You're sure it is her?"

"Yeah, um…her eyes…they are always the same. And…we, um…we're together…married or um…you know, just together." He let out a deep breath and settled back in his chair, waiting to see what she said.

"Did these dreams start before or after you met her…in this time, I mean."

"After. I met her on a case. She was watching me while I was interviewing witnesses and she…well, she was blushing. She's really naive, Kerrie…at least when it comes to men. For some reason she is… attracted to me."

"And your feelings for her?"

Jim rubbed the back of his neck and twisted it nervously. "Like I said, she's half my age," he growled

"You haven't answered my question," she said bluntly.

"Yeah, um…well…if I let myself, I could…you know…"

"No, I don't know. But it is important that you know. According to what I've been told, she has never reached out to anyone before, Jim. She's been totally self-contained for almost twenty years, not letting anyone touch her emotionally. Her therapist called me because she wanted to be sure that you won't take advantage of her…vulnerability. This is a huge step for Ms. Hunter. My colleague needs to be prepared to help her patient walk through it, especially if you are a player."

Jim chuckled. "Me…a player? Maybe once, a long time ago…but now…I'm pretty tame."

Kerrie stood suddenly. "Just be careful, Jim. I'm not telling you what to do with this. Obviously, there is something brewing, but what you do with it is your business. Just…whatever you do…take it easy with her. And don't get involved unless you mean it…"

Jim looked at her, scowling. "Like I said, she's half my age."

"Sounds like you've had a thing for her…and she you, through _all_ the ages. If your dreams mean anything, that is."

"You think they do?"

"Doesn't matter what I think…you think they do," she said as she walked out. Jim watched her leave, feeling very confused.

_Damn, what was that? Did she say lay off or did I just get permission to…no…don't even go there. She's half your age, you bastard. Leave her alone._ And so Jim resolved to stay away from Micha Hunter, far away.

Over the next few weeks, Jim stuck to his decision. He stayed away from the diner in case she went there looking for him. He went from work to home, only making stops when necessary. He worked very hard at getting her out of his mind, which of course meant she took up residence. And the dreams continued, becoming more detailed and more difficult to forget.

"Do you believe in reincarnation?" he asked Catherine one night over coffee.

She peered at him over her mug and then set it down on the break room table. "There's no scientific evidence that I am aware of, but then…there's no evidence of God either. I do believe in Him. So, while I don't really believe in it, I suppose it is possible. Why? What's going on Jim? You've been…preoccupied lately."

Jim shrugged his shoulders. "I um…nothing really. It's just…" he drifted away as he stared into his mug.

"Jim? Come on, something is bothering you. Out with it."

"I um…keep having these dreams. They happen in different time periods and I'm different people…but there's always the same person there….a woman…"

"You think you have a soul mate out there that you've encountered in other times?"

Jim shrugged. "I don't know what I think. It's just…the dreams are so real. I can feel her when she touches me…and…" he sighed, "I just don't know what to make of it."

"Have you met her in this lifetime?"

Jim's head snapped up and he looked across at her, not sure that he wanted to respond. But Catherine read him instantly and smiled. "So you have…?" Jim sat, staring at her, his mind in turmoil. Was Micha his soul mate? Could it be….did such a thing even exist? Catherine grinned. "So what's the hold up?"

Jim frowned. "She's … a lot younger," he said meekly.

"Ah yeah, that could be complicated…" Catherine stood and walked to the sink to dump the rest of her cup and rinse the mug. Then she turned around and looked at him. "She'd be lucky, though Jim…if you did do something about it. You're a good man, you know. Not too many of those out there," And then she disappeared from the room, leaving Jim deep in thought.

A week later, Jim sat at his desk, going over the endless stack of files when his phone rang. "Brass," he said as he picked it up.

"Captain Brass, this is Metcalf. I um…I'm at a scene and the vic…she says she knows you and she keeps asking for you. She's pretty shook up and won't let the paramedics look at her. I thought maybe you might…"

"Yeah, okay…where are you?" He jotted down the details as Metcalf gave him the address and general location. "Oh…and Metcalf, who we talking about here anyway?"

"Says her name is Micha Hunter, sir."

_Damn. _"Okay…on my way."


	5. Needed

Jim arrived at the scene, looking for Metcalf or better, Micha. Metcalf saw him first and pointed to an ambulance on the other side of the street. Jim didn't run exactly, but the officers who knew him were surprised to see him moving so quickly. He reached the truck and moved down the side, worriedly turning the corner to access the back. She sat on the bumper, crying. "Micha," he said softly and she looked up, then sprang into his arms.

"I tried," she sobbed. "I really tried to do like you said. I tried, I really did. But he…."

"Shhh, Honey, its okay. Just calm down. Its okay," he repeated as he looked at a female officer that was standing nearby. He had questions but he didn't think Micha was up to answering them. He hoped the officer could explain.

"Johnson," she told him. "I was first on the scene, along with my partner, Simmons. He's over by our cruiser with the suspect inside."

"What happened?" Jim asked her, still holding Micha next to his chest. Johnson glanced at his badge and straightened up. "We had a call and got here as fast as we could. We found him on top of her…she was screaming and we hauled him off her. He was…attempting to rape her, we believe." Johnson swallowed uncomfortably, wondering what connection the Captain had with the victim.

_Damn…_Jim was stunned. _Rape? _He eased Micha away from him enough to look at her face. "Honey?" She was still crying and as she looked at him, she let out a deep sob. "I tried to do like you said…find someone…my age. We went to dinner and then I thought he was taking me home. But he came here and he…he…." Tears starting flowing harder and she crumbled back into him. Jim wrapped his arms around her protectively. "Okay, okay…" As he struggled to remain outwardly calm, anger was boiling inside of him. She had put herself in this position because of him, because he'd told her to find another guy…had she even wanted to go out with the bastard or did she do it because of what he'd told her? Hatred was beginning to grow, hatred for what the bastard had done, for what he, Jim, had done, hatred for himself.

But he kept holding her until finally some of the sobs subsided. "Honey, the paramedics need to check you out, okay?"

"No," she wailed. "No, no, no…" were her cries. "Don't leave me. Please don't leave me." Jim's heart was breaking as he held her. "No Honey. I won't leave, I promise. But you really need to get checked. Did he…did the bastard…I mean, I know he scared you but did he…hurt you?"

She clung to him harder. "He…he…my…he…I didn't want him…he…" Jim could feel her beginning to shake and feared shock was setting in. "Okay Honey. Tell you what, we're gonna take a ride in the ambulance to the hospital and let a doctor check things out."

"NO," she wailed. "You'll leave…"

"No. I'll be with you, all the way…in the ambulance and at the hospital. Okay?" Jim was fighting for self-control. He was trying to stay calm, keep his voice soft and even but inside he was screaming. He reached in his pocket and handed his car keys to Johnson. "Find Metcalf and have him follow me to the hospital in my car. He can give me the keys there." She nodded and took off, looking for Metcalf.

Jim nodded to the paramedic that had been standing nearby and then carefully helped Micha into the back of the ambulance. He eased her to the cot and convinced her to sit. Jim perched himself across from her on a box. She watched his every move and when he was settled, he felt her hand grasping his arm. He covered her hand with his other one and held it tightly. "I'm here. I won't leave you." Her eyes locked onto his and she rode all the way to the hospital like that, her eyes never leaving his and her hand firmly surrounded by his.

At the hospital, the nurse insisted that Jim leave the room while the doctor did an examination. It was a move that she and the doctor regretted because Micha began screaming and sobbing. Standing in the hallway, Jim was clinching his hands, forcing himself to stay out. And then he heard her crying for him and he couldn't stand there any longer. Easing back into the room, he saw the terrified expression on her face and pushed past the nurse to get to her.

"I'm here, Micha. You need to calm down, Honey. Its okay…I'm here. I won't leave, okay? But you gotta let the doctor take a look…please Micha, you need to calm down." She was clinging to him, her hands in a death grip on the front of his jacket. "Don't leave me," she wailed. "No, Honey…I'm right here." Jim edged himself on to the gurney with his back to the doctor and nurse, his attention fully on Micha's face. "Tell ya what…you just look at me, Honey. Look at my face…see I'm here. Just look at my eyes 'cause all I'm looking at is you, okay?"

Her eyes locked onto his and she began to calm down, nodding as she gasped for air. "Okay, Honey," he continued, "the doc needs to take a look, just be sure that guy didn't hurt you too bad, okay?" He could feel her tense up and her hand pulled on him harder. "It's okay….I won't leave…you and me, we're just gonna look at each other, okay? Don't think about anything else…just look at me…" He hoped the doctor understood what he was doing and would begin the exam. Jim didn't dare look away or speak to him.

Micha's green eyes stayed focused on his blue ones but he felt her flinch and knew the doctor had caught on. Using his fingers, Jin wiped tears away from her face and stroked her hair, trying to keep her calm. Her eyes never left him. As soon as the doctor was finished, Micha sat upright, slamming herself into Jim's chest, almost knocking him off the bed. "Don't go," she whispered. Jim wrapped his arms around her protectively and held her, not intending to go anywhere.

The ER doctor moved around to look at Jim's face. "Who are you, anyway?"

"Detective Jim Brass…LVPD."

"Oh, so why's she so attached?"

Jim shrugged, unsure of how to answer. "I guess I seem trustworthy," he finally replied. "She was pretty shook up at the scene…" He knew the doc wasn't buying it but he didn't care. The story covered his ass and kept suspicions at bay. "So…how is she?"

"No penetration," the doctor told him, deciding that as a cop, he should have the information. "But there is some irritation…I'd say it wasn't consensual. Odd thing though…there are scars from before…old scars…like years ago. But her hymen is intact, so I don't know what to make of it. Anyway, I'll prescribe something to help her calm down and then she'll be free to leave."

Jim nodded, his mind mulling over the information about previous scarring. That would seem to indicate child abuse…but whoever did it hadn't completed the act, just torn her up in the process. The detective in him was asking questions….ones he was sure that she wasn't ready to answer.

The doctor jotted something in her chart and then pulled out a prescription pad. "Someone should stay with her tonight. But physically she'll be fine…it might take longer to get over the emotional side, though." He handed the paper to her and then looked at Jim. "She has someone to stay with her?"

Jim looked down at Micha. "Honey, is there anybody at home that can keep an eye on you?" She frowned and then nodded in the affirmative. Jim remembered something about the landlady being a retired nurse, so he accepted that she would be fine. "Okay then, I'll take you home now."

Metcalf was waiting in the hall and handed Jim his keys. "She gonna be okay?" he asked worriedly as he saw them walking down the hall, her hand still tightly gripping Jim's arm. "Yeah," Jim answered. "Doc says she just needs to calm down and get some rest…I'll take her home."

"Okay," Metcalf nodded. "I'll head back to the station then. Shift was over almost an hour ago…"

Jim eased Micha into his car and then climbed in himself. As he reached to start the ignition, she looked over at him. "Please…don't make me go…home."

"But Honey, you need to rest…"

"I…I don't want to be alone…"

"You said…what about your landlady? Won't she stay with you?"

"She'd check on me but she wouldn't stay. And besides, I…wouldn't feel…safe."

"Oh," Jim said, a frown crinkling his forehead. _So now what do I do? I can't leave her by herself…_

"Could I…could you… I mean…if you don't mind, I'd feel better if…" She was blushing again but the usual light in her eyes wasn't there. She was scared. He knew what she wanted but the question in his mind was if she would really be safe with him. It was getting harder and harder for him to suppress his feelings and with her feeling so defenseless now…he wanted more than ever to hold her and keep her close to him. The last thing she needed was him losing his self control and totally killing her ability to trust anyone. _But if she wouldn't be able to calm down with the landlady…_he was rationalizing and he knew it.

"You wanna come to my house…just for the day? And I'll have to get some sleep…I worked a double last night." She looked up at him, the first signs of life in her eyes glimmering. "That…that would be nice," she answered softly, "if…you don't mind…"

He felt his expression soften and a smile creep in at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah, it'll be fine," he said as he turned the ignition.

OURHEROJIMBRASS

Okay, so this story isn't getting the reviews I'd hoped for. Oh well, I like it so I'm going to keep writing:-) If you like it too, let me know and share what it is you like. If you don't like it, well...let me know that too.

Watched Hog Heaven again the other night...OMG, I just love JB! Wanted to hug him like Rita did ... only better;-) If I ever have the chance to see PG on the street, I'm toast. I'll get arrested for assault 'cause I'll be all over him. He's just such a cuddlebear! LOL, I wish.


	6. Details

Jim led Micha into his house, wondering what he should do next. He was holding the pharmacy bag with her script, so he decided that maybe it was a good place to start. "Want one of your pills?" he asked, holding up the bag that they'd swung by the pharmacy to pick up.

She nodded, "okay…if you think I need it."

"Can't hurt…you've had a rough night. Maybe with this you can sleep…"

He felt her watching him as he filled a glass with water and popped the lid on the bottle of pills. Shaking one out, he turned and handed it to her along with the water. She swallowed the pill, chasing it with water and then set the glass down on the counter.

"You hungry?" he asked.

She looked up at him and nodded that she was. "I can cook…"

"Tell ya what, why don't we make breakfast together?" Jim asked. "I think I have the makings for eggs and bacon…may have to get creative for anything else though…"

"Do you have any flour?" She was in shy mode again, her eyes darting to him and then looking away.

"Um…I don't think so…," he said as he moved to his cabinets. Checking them, he turned to her. "No…no flour…"

"Bread?" she asked, looking at the counter instead of him.

"Yeah, I have bread." He opened a door and pulled out a loaf.

"Okay, your heart set on bacon?" Her eyes almost made it to his that time.

"No…I just thought that, you know…it's kind of the usual thing."

"How about French toast instead?" Her gaze shifted to the counter again.

Jim's face lit up. "French toast? I haven't had that in…forever. That sounds good."

They worked together, Jim pulling items out that she requested as she prepared the toast. As he watched her, Jim's emotions were working in overdrive. He couldn't remember the last time a woman had been in his kitchen, except for the home care nurse after he was shot. That didn't count in his mind. It wasn't that he thought of women as belonging barefoot and in the kitchen, but there was something homey about it…something that felt…complete. And he suddenly realized how much wanted what this implied, someone in his kitchen, someone to come home to…someone that cared … Comprehension smashed him squarely in his gut; he had ached for it for a long time.

Once she finished her task, they moved to the table with plates of toast. He savored the flavor; it was good and he told her so. "I'm happy that you like it," she replied, obviously pleased. Jim smiled, his emotions getting way ahead of his brain…and his conscience. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, the increased pressure in his ears from the increased blood flow to his brain. He wanted her, wanted what she could be to him, what she could be in his life. _But it wouldn't be fair to her…_

They finished breakfast and he helped her clean the few dirty dishes they had created. He felt again how great it was to have someone in the kitchen with him. Briefly, he closed his eyes, picturing a similar scene sometime in the future, with this as a more permanent situation. Then swallowing, he opened his eyes and forced his head back into reality …this couldn't ever be, not really.

He helped her settle into his guest room and then headed for bed himself. Normally Jim slept in as little as possible, his bvd's at most. But he decided that he should wear something in case she needed him or came into his room for some reason. He was feeling a sudden shyness about his body that normally didn't bother him around women. Digging into his drawers, he found a pair of mesh shorts and a fresh undershirt that he quickly slipped into. Looking at himself in the mirror, he decided that he was adequately covered and would pass for 'decent'. The bed felt good as he climbed in and stretched out. A deep sigh and then a comfortable pillow fluff and Jim soon was gone, dreaming once again… this time staying in the present.

Somewhere deep in his dream, his body made him aware of his physical need for her. _She curled up next to him, her head resting on his shoulder, covering his scar and tattoo. Her warm breath tickled the hair from his chest that peeked out of his shirt as it moved across him, sending a tingling sensation through his entire body. He felt his arm go around her, nestling her closer to him and heard his own contented sigh. Her hand slid across the ribbed fabric and settled over his heart. "Hmmm," she murmured as she felt his heartbeat. Covering her hand with his, he squeezed gently and then lifted it to his lips, brushing her fingers. A giggle sounded close to his ear and then she whispered, "you need a shave…although I kind of like the rugged look."_

Jim's eyes flew open, his mind clearing promptly as he realized this was not part of his dream. She was here, in his bed…with him…half naked…_Oh my god…_and then he became aware of his response to her presence. _Holy shit…what now?_ He didn't need to look to know that he was in the middle of a full-blown hard on _but does she know? Does she even know about men and woodies?_ Mentally he was trying to force the damned thing into submission but it seemed to have of mind of its own right now. Normally Jim had things under control, age and the wear and tear that had been placed on his body having toned his impulses down, but his little soldier was feeling young and rebellious this particular moment and self control was beyond him. His body was in full male predator mode as his mind was screaming for control.

Sensing him tense, Micha sat up, which didn't help the situation one bit. Jim groaned as he took in the sight of her breasts filling and spilling over her bra, the only thing between him and them. Thank goodness, she had crawled under the sheet when she got into his bed because Jim strongly suspected that she was wearing only panties, as well. At least that was covered, even if he could feel bare skin next to him. She was looking at him oddly when suddenly her eyes widened with understanding. Redness tinged her face and then her eyes began to travel down the outline of his body under the sheet, a small happy gasp letting him know that she had discovered his situation. _So she does at least know what that means…_

Her eyes moved back up but stopped short of his face, her cheeks reddening more with each second, "Jim?" The question was in her voice and her demeanor as she pulled the sheet up to cover herself. "Honey…its okay," he assured her. "It'll go away in a minute"…_I hope…_

Her eyes narrowed and he watched as she set her jaw, determination settling over her features. And then softly, "I want you to pop my cherry…" She looked at the foot of the bed as she said it, unable to meet his uneasy stare.

Jim's stomach lurched into his throat, almost choking him. His eyes widened as his eyebrows shot up and his mouth hung open. "You want…what? Where'd you learn that…to talk like that? Do you even know what it means?"

"The doctor said there was no penetration…so that means that…well, its still there….and I want you to be the one…I want ….I mean, I've read that men think…that they…that it's like a prize or something…to be the first one to…" She was bright red again and he didn't think anything would make her look at him.

His hand covered her mouth, panic coursing through his veins. "Hold on…just…stop talking for a minute…" He had to think…to try to come up with a way to explain…to find the strength to say no…problem was, he didn't want to.

"You don't want my cherry?" she asked sadly.

_Want? What I want is to push you back down on the bed, rip those damn panties off and have you…hard and fast like I was twenty again…_"Honey, that privilege should be for someone who is really special to you, you know…the one…" This was ripping him up inside.

She looked straight into his eyes, timid and hesitant, "You _are_ the one." Jim gulped and looked deep into her eyes, seeing her obstinacy. That instant was when his conscience lost the battle…and the war. Sighing, he ran his hand over the back of his neck, trying to come up with a decent way out, in spite of his inclination to take her up on the offer. Finally, he surrendered. But a part of him still insisted on being noble. "Okay…so maybe you think I'm the one. But like this…it isn't… I mean…well, your first time should be special…you know, romantic and all…_not with a saggy assed bastard with two days growth of beard and impossible morning breath…_"Tell ya what…let's get cleaned up and I'll take you shopping for a nice dress. Then tonight, we'll go out for a nice dinner and then see what happens…okay?" _Way to buy time, bastard…you realize you're just digging deeper and deeper…_

Her exuberance startled him as she practically began to dance in his bed. The energy that she emitted was contagious, giving him a jolt and he began to chuckle. "Okay, okay…go get cleaned up and I will too…meet you in the living room…say a half hour?"

She almost toppled him as she lunged into him, hugging him gleefully. Then shyness took over and she backed away, self-conscious. Jim grinned inwardly as he watched her sneak another peek, obviously wanting to see more of him. He wished he had something better to show her than his moving beyond middle-aged self. Still, his ego got a boost when he saw a glint of admiration in her eyes as she took in his torso. Suddenly her eyes widened and then narrowed, reflecting pain. It was then that he realized she had focused on one spot in particular, his scar near his shoulder where he'd been shot a few years back. "Honey?" he asked, sure he already knew what he problem was.

"What…happened?" she asked quietly, almost reverently, as her hand reached tentatively to touch him there. Her touch was gentle and yet for Jim, very powerful. The veneration with which her fingers brushed against his skin caused his breath to catch. Closing his eyes, his entire being focused on the feel of her hand on him, letting her tenderness soothe him. It was as if she were reaching deep inside him, caressing his core, filling him with her essence. He opened his eyes to her gaze searching, reaching past his eyes and into his soul. Tears began to trickle down her face, leaving a trail on her cheeks.

"Oh Honey," Jim said, her empathy wrenching his heart. His hand covered hers and he held it. "Don't cry…I'm okay…"

"You were hurt," she whispered, her eyes still on his.

"Yeah, but I'm okay… it was a few years back."

"Someone shot you…"

"Yeah, I was stupid. I knew better but….anyway, please don't cry…"

"But you…"

"…Want to take you shopping and then to dinner." And then the spell was broken. She backed away, taking a last look at the scar and then back to his face, a smile forming on her lips. "I'll be ready soon," she said as she jumped off the bed and retreated across his room disappearing through the door. Jim sighed, smiling as he watched her go. Then a cloud covered him again, _you bastard…_

Jim hated shopping, hated the crowds, hated the 'just looking'. Normally, he knew what he was shopping for, found it, paid for it and left. But Micha, like most women, saw it as a treasure hunt. She was making an adventure of it all and as she tried on dress after dress, Jim was delighting in her excitement. Finally, she narrowed it down to two choices and settled on one at a little boutique next to the mall. Having purchased her dress, she then needed shoes, of course. Jim was a little disappointed and a lot amused that she wouldn't show him the dress. "No…no…you have to wait until tonight…the full effect. I plan to dazzle you," she insisted as they took a break over coffee. "Baby, you already do," he told her, his eyes dancing. This was fun, seeing her so happy…excited about him. She looked at him and smiled. "Nice try, but you still have to wait until tonight to see my dress." The sparkle in her eyes before she lost her nerve and looked away warmed his very soul.

It was 7:05pm and Jim was pacing in his living room, nervous. He'd taken extra care in getting ready, choosing one of his Italian suits, a blue one that one of the receptionists had told him set off his eyes. Micha liked his eyes. His hair hadn't taken long but he'd opted for an extra close shave. He didn't want her to start giggling again by brushing her face with a scratchy beard when…if he kissed her. Besides, the cut of the suit made him look a little slimmer he thought. He'd been fighting middle age spread for years and for the most part had kept it in check, but he did have a little paunch and he didn't want it to show tonight. The trousers hugged him nicely, a former date had told him once, and he had decided he could use all the help he could get. Not that Micha was playing hard to get; if anything, she had pursued him, which was a new page in Jim Brass's book to begin with. Ladies had shown their attraction over the years but none had been as persistent as she had been. Of course, he'd never been so hard to get before either. But now that he was in, he wanted it all to be right…perfect. And he knew he was anything but perfect. Glancing once again at his watch, he sighed. She was in the next room, getting ready, and late. They had agreed to meet in the living room at 7:00. Not that he was in a hurry. They had plenty of time to make the reservation; he was just nervous.

Finally he heard the door to her room open and he sucked in his breath. She stepped out into the hallway and he heard the click of her heels on his hardwood floor. His heart stopped as she stepped into the room. Jim Brass stood in the middle of the room, stunned. He wanted to speak, to say something…anything, but she quite simply took his breath away. She had chosen an emerald green dress that set her hair and eyes off beautifully. The dress followed her form flawlessly, emphasizing all of her physical attributes. Very little make-up had been required and yet her face glowed, her eyes shimmering with delight at his reaction. And he was certainly reacting. What his mouth refused to say, his lower extremities announced clearly. Jim was fighting a huge erection. There was no way he could hide it in these slacks; they were cut too closely. Her face flushed, her eyes taking in his dilemma and he wasn't sure if she was pleased or embarrassed. Finally, he found a voice, albeit a husky one. "You look…um….gorgeous," he told her. She smiled. "So do you," she said as her eyes flickered over his form. Clearing his throat, Jim smirked. "Well, I don't know about that…but…I hope…I mean, I didn't intend to be so…obvious, but when I saw you…what can I say, you do things to me…" He was feeling embarrassed but she was obviously taking pleasure in his situation, so he decided to go with it.

She stepped towards him. "I um…like that I…do things to you."

"Oh god," he moaned as she stood in front of him. He wanted to forget dinner, forget leaving the house…forget everything, but her. He wanted her so bad it hurt. "Maybe we should…um…get going," he managed to say.

She smiled again, lighting him up…again. "Jim, I don't think …I mean, men don't usually…well, they see me as boring…but then I've never wanted to impress a man before so…well, I don't know how to …behave." Her glowing face was now red.

"Any man who saw you as boring wasn't looking," he told her. "And I'm trained to observe…plus I know beautiful when I see it. I'm looking at it now." He took her hand and squeezed it gently. They walked to the door and he guided her out.

JBLOVEJBLOVEJBLOVEJBLOVE

Many thanks to those who consistently review! You keep my bunny energized. I hope you all continue to read and enjoy.

If you haven't laready, please check out the poll on my profile page. I'm curious to see the results after more people have participated. Who knows, maybe the PTB will even get a clue and realize the missed potential with our man in blue.


	7. Encore

Micha gasped as Jim pulled into the Encore valet parking area. It was one of the newest casinos and hotels in Vegas and very impressive. She looked at him nervously and then back at the building. He helped her out of the car as he handed the keys to the valet and then taking her arm, walked her inside. They headed for Botero, one of the restaurants. As Jim had requested, they were seated outdoors, next to the pool. His thought had been that it would be a little less stressful for Micha and maybe a bit more romantic.

Looking over the menu, he glanced across at her. "You see anything you want?" he asked as he took in her bemused expression. "I um…it's so…much. You choose," she said, looking at him with those trusting eyes again.

"Okay…you like steak?"

She smiled. "I love it."

"How about Chateaubriand?"

Looking at the menu she asked, "for two?" She was ecstatic. "I like that…"

Jim grinned as he looked at her. All of this was new and exciting to her and he was having fun showing this side of Vegas to her. He had to admit, it was more fun with someone who appreciated it. It seemed that the women he'd dated over the last few years took it for granted. And she liked the idea of a meal for two, as well. "Okay, well…what with it?" he asked her.

Her eyes scanned the menu as Jim watched her. A twinge of guilt hit him but he brushed it away. _So you're too old for her…just showing her how a guy should treat her; how she should expect to be treated…_

Her head popped up from the menu and she smiled at him. "How about the broccoli and sun dried tomatoes or…or the spring vegetable potato gratin? And…oh…could we have the oysters on the half shell?" she asked demurely.

Jim knew exactly why she was suddenly shy again. She had to have heard about oysters being an aphrodisiac. "You really believe that I need something to make me want you more?" he asked playfully. "You've already observed evidence to the contrary. Add oysters to the mix and you might get more than you can handle," he chuckled.

"That's what I'm hoping for…" she answered teasingly. Jim smirked knowingly at her. _She's gonna drive you crazy, old man… And you're gonna savor every minute and die happy…_ "You sure about that? I've been told I'm incorrigible."

Suddenly her demeanor changed and she looked at him squarely, her green-blue eyes piercing right into his grey-blue ones. Tears welled up and sat, ready to fall but her eyes twinkled with pleasure. Jim wasn't sure what to make of her change and cocked his head slightly as he studied her. She looked around at their surroundings and then focused her attention back on him. "This is…it's like a dream…being here with you in a special place like this and…the way you are treating me and the way you make me feel. I never thought I'd…that anyone would ever…" She stopped and caught her breath as Jim watched her. He frowned a little but then relaxed; trying to make her comfortable so she'd finish what she was trying to say. "In all the movies…and the books I've read…it's like this, you know. I mean, the heroine has a terrible life for one reason or another and then this really fantastic man comes along and treats her special and suddenly her life isn't so terrible any more."

Alarms were sounding in Jim's head, loudly. "Yeah, but that's fiction, Honey. In real life, more often than not, Mr. Wonderful turns out to be appallingly dismal after all and the heroine is even more miserable in the end."

Clouds seem to gather behind her eyes. "Maybe. I prefer to believe in happily ever after, but I know all about the other side too, remember? I have the scars to prove it. And while I'm sure you are not perfect…you are a special man…for me anyway. I know I'm …ignorant about relationships but…I don't understand why you insist on being so negative about the possibility of…us." A tear escaped and trailed down her cheek, making Jim feel like a huge jerk.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I...look, I've just never been too good at… well, much of anything beyond a second date. My marriage was a mess and every relationship I've had since has ended badly. Somehow I always screw it up and never measure up to what women think I should be. And," he shrugged, "my job gets in the way a lot too, I guess." Sadness showed in her eyes as he looked at her. "Anyway, I …I'm afraid you're going to get hurt and I don't want to be the one to do it. And here I am, already messing things up…" he added dolefully. "But honestly, I don't see how there can be an 'us', not long term anyway. It's not just the age thing either…it's just that…well, I don't seem capable of that kind of thing…"

She was fighting back tears, her eyes downcast. He saw redness creeping up her neck and knew that she was retreating. Once again, he'd made a mess of things. "Honey, I'm sorry. Look…could we just go back a little and start from there…forget the last couple of minutes happened? I was having a great time until I screwed it up." _Please Baby; don't let me hurt you like this…_

Slowly her eyes made their way up until she was looking at him. "I was too." Moisture still sat at the corners, just under her eyelids, but the clouds seemed to be lifting. "No one…" she sighed and looked away.

"No one what, Honey?"

Darting back to him, her eyes bored into his soul, he thought. "No one has ever…cared this much about me…no one."

Jim winced. "Of course they did. You father must've …before he went crazy, I mean. And your mother…she must've loved you…"

"I don't remember Daddy ever saying anything nice to any of us. And my mother…she was just…miserable all the time. I was just one more misery in her life."

Jim reached across the table and wiped a tear off of her cheek. "Honey, that can't be. I mean, my daughter and I have a terrible relationship…barely even speak. But I love her. I always will, no matter what 'cause she's my kid."

"Then she's lucky."

Jim guffawed. "Yeah, try telling her that. She hates my guts, except when she needs something from me."

"And you still help her, I bet. Yeah, she's lucky."

"Okay, maybe. But this isn't about her…or even me. This night is about you…showing you how special you are. Let's just forget all this other stuff for now and concentrate on that, oaky?" Jim tried to sound upbeat.

Micha swallowed her tears and smiled shyly. "Okay…"

Jim picked up his menu. "So, oyster on the half shell. Anything else?"

"Could we have wine?"

Jim chortled. "Sure. Whatever the lady wants, she gets tonight."

"Does that include you?" she asked coquettishly before turning bright red again.

Grinning, Jim looked at her. "Honey, me you've already got."

Jim ordered when the waiter returned to the table. After he'd left, Jim looked at Micha. "I hope you're okay with the wine. I thought it would go well with the food."

"Oh, I think you made excellent choices. I um…joined a wine tasters group a couple of years ago to learn about it, so I know a little. Your Riesling selection was perfect with oysters and I love a good Cabernet Sauvignon."

Jim was pleased with her response. And then another thought occurred to him. "So, what am I, the introductory selection of your investigation into men?" He was amused by the thought. "What do I go well with?"

She looked at him thoughtfully. "You're a …fine red Bordeaux, I think. Brilliant and deep in color, moving from a bright red of youth to a darker, more seasoned hue. There's a subtle bouquet of spice and…the flavor of Jersey mixing heavily with Vegas, powerful but not overwhelming. Your palate is sleek and velvety, with a rustic quality but time has softened you, finesse smoothing out your initial strength and leaving an impression of overall balance. "Wow," Jim said softly, shaking his head. "You see me like that?" "A full-bodied, vigorous Bordeaux will overpower lighter items on the menu," she said sadly. "And I suppose that means me…I'm neither full bodied nor vigorous."

Jim grabbed her hand over the table. "Honey, vigorous doesn't begin to describe you. You are so full of life, so vibrant and fresh. Besides, us full bodied types get tired of competing all the time."

"Food and wine should compliment each other, not compete. But the food shouldn't be overwhelmed by the wine either," she said as she absentmindedly played with his fingers.

"Overwhelmed? Baby, you blow me away. If anybody is overwhelmed here, it's me. The idea that you'd even look twice at me is…incredible." Jim was rewarded by a smile and the return of a twinkle in her eyes. "Oh, I've looked more than twice," she assured him.

They shared the oysters and the steak was delicious, as were the sides. The conversation remained light and Jim was truly enjoying himself, as Micha relaxed more and more and he began to see her as she really was. She got his sense of humor and several times she out quipped him. She listened as he talked a little about living in Jersey, leaving out all the worst of it, including his ex. She asked about his daughter and he told her a little, again leaving out the worst. They made fun of some of the other diners, Jim using his skills as a detective to fill out the people for her. She made up ridiculous background stories for them that had them both chuckling.

"That couple there," she said, looking at an early thirties pair, "He's from Minnesota and she's from …mmmm, Kansas. They're here on a romantic weekend that their spouses don't know about."

"Okay, okay, I get Minnesota, he's brawny, blue eyed and Scandinavian looking, but Kansas?" Jim asked incredulously. "I'd have placed her..oh…maybe Florida."

"No…farm girl type…not seaside. And she has…let's say two kids. Her husband is a farmer…corn mostly."

Jim chuckled. "Okay. Where'd they meet?"

"Oh…well…Chicago. He was there on business and she on a shopping trip. They had a wild weekend and agreed to meet once a year for a repeat. This year it's Vegas."

"How long?"

"How long what?" she asked, looking at him confused.

"How long has this yearly tryst been happening?"

"Oh. Well…this is the…third year."

Just then the couple walked past them. "Uh oh," Jim said.

"What?"

"Their wedding bands match. Looks like you got it wrong." He was amused by this whole game and was waiting to see her wiggle out of that fact.

"Oh, they bought matching bands for the trip, so no one would ask questions." She smirked at him.

"Yeah? We'll see…" Jim smirked back.

They finished dinner and Jim paid the bill. Walking out into the lobby, they saw the couple again. Jim stared at them momentarily and then walked to the desk. He flashed his badge at the clerk and then nodded towards the couple. "Are they staying here?"

The clerk looked across the lobby and recognition lit her eyes. "Ah, yes. I checked them in a couple of hours ago."

"Where are they from?"

The clerk typed into her computer and then began to read. Nolan and Marie Dietrich from Eden Prairie, Minnesota. He's here on business, representing Kroll Ontrack Inc. He's using a corporate card. They are in 1236, if you need their room."

"No thanks," Jim replied. "I have them mixed up with another couple. But thanks." He turned to Micha, grinning. "Corporate card….she's really his wife."

"Okay," she shrugged, "so I was wrong this once."

Jim chuckled. "Boy, am I glad you aren't one of my detectives."

"If I were, we wouldn't be here. So I'm glad too, except…"

"Except what?" he said quietly.

"I um…would get to …you know, be a nuisance regularly then…follow you everywhere."

"You do that anyway," he smirked. She looked upset by his comment. _You jerk, he thought to himself. You hurt her. _"So," he nodded behind her, "come on." He started walking towards the entrance to _XS, _a nightclub at the Encore, next to Botero. He stopped when he realized she wasn't following him. Looking back, he saw that she was still looking upset. Grabbing her hand, he grinned. "Come on, I'll look stupid in there by myself," and he led her to his destination.

Micha went with him but was very quiet. He knew he'd messed up and hoped he could make up for it, get her back in the good mood she was in before. "Hey, I'm sorry," he said into her ear after they were inside. "Actually, I kind of like that you keep popping up…" "Okay," she said meekly. Cursing himself inwardly, he led her to a table. "You want a drink?" he asked.

"Just a Perrier," she answered as she looked around. He saw her blush and then look down. Jim looked in the direction she had been looking and again cursed himself. "Oh…I'm sorry, I forgot about that," he told her as he looked at the statues of women's bodies behind the bar. "Look, if this is too much, we can leave. I just thought…you know…maybe we could dance a little."

Her head shot up. "You want to dance with me?" Her eyes glittered. Jim's heart clinched as he absorbed her eagerness. "Yeah…I mean, I'm not as good on my feet as I used to be but I still enjoy it…with the right woman, that is." He waited to see her reaction. Her face lightened. "And you think I'm the right woman?" Jim glanced around and then looking back at her, he grinned. "You see me with anybody else?" She smiled.

He ordered a Perrier for her and Scotch for himself. After the drinks arrived, he took a sip and then hearing some music he thought he could handle, he led her to the dance floor. It took a few steps for them, but they fell into sync and Jim was enjoying the feel of her in his arms. He was holding her close but not too close, watching her as she moved with him. _God, this is good…_ She moved into him, nuzzling into his chest, sending his heartbeat into overdrive. He was thinking about kissing her when he felt a tapping on his shoulder.

Jim turned to glare at a handsome thirty-something standing next to him. "Mind if I dance with your daughter?" the idiot asked. Jim grunted, trying to decide if he would take the guy down or just stare him off. But as he stood there, he realized this was just the kind of guy that Micha should be with. So he turned to her. "You wanna dance with him? He seems like an okay guy."

Micha looked terrified. She nuzzled into him. "No. I want to dance with you."

Jim shrugged and then looked at the other man. "She said no. Sorry." The man turned to walk away. "And she ain't my daughter," Jim mumbled grumpily to the man's back. He turned back to Micha and took her in his arms to finish the dance. But the mood was ruined; his conscience had kicked in. And then she moved against him, trying to get closer. "I only want you," she said just loud enough for him to hear. And Jim's heart began to pound again.

They danced a couple of more dances and then he decided she'd had enough. Once they were back in his car, Jim's nerves set in again. _You know what she wants…is expecting…_but it didn't feel right and as he drove, he suddenly realized why. After turning off the strip, he pulled into a park that was on the way. Opening the door for her, he helped her out of the car. "let's walk a minute," he told her.

Jim held her hand as they made their way along a path. Both were quiet. He could feel her confusion but he needed the fresh air to clear his head. And then suddenly he stopped and turned to her. As she looked up at him, he knew this was the moment. He was determined to take it easy…a first kiss should be memorable, he thought…something to look back on with pleasure. His lips lingered over hers until he could feel her anticipation and then slowly he descended, the warmth of her lighting a fire within him. It began as something chaste and pure and Jim fought to keep it that way, making his own excitement that much harder to contain. She gave into him willingly, letting him have his way with her mouth as he deepened the kiss and began to trace her lips with his tongue until he slipped inside. His tongue danced with hers lightly and then he retreated, lingering once again on her lips. And then it was done, both feeling the disconnect as he moved away. He remained close, his eyes searching hers for her reaction. Her eyelids were heavy with passion and he knew he'd managed things just right. "That was…nice," she murmured. "Did I do things right? I didn't know what to do…"

Jim's heart melted at her confession…so innocent and genuine. He ached to be able to feel that way with her but too many years, too many experiences stood in the way. "You did just fine," he assured her. "It was the nicest kiss I've had in a long time." She collapsed into him and wrapped her arms around his waist in a tight hug. "Good, I'm glad I did it right. That means you'll do it again. I liked it."

Jim chuckled. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now I'm going to take you home." She looked at him, disappointed. "So soon? I thought…I mean…aren't you going to…you know…"

"Pop your cherry?" She nodded in the affirmative. "No Baby, you've had enough firsts for one night. Besides, first dates don't end in bed…or they shouldn't anyway. I'm kind of old fashioned that way." Jim's head was swirling. _Who you kiddin' here? You've had plenty of first dates end in bed because you knew there'd never be a second…_

"I think I like your old fashioned ideas," she whispered. "But...before we go, do it again?"

Jim grinned. "It was that good, huh?" And then he was kissing her again, this time a little more passionately. And then he wrapped his arm around her waist and held her close to him as they walked back to the car. He was fumbling with the key in the ignition when he felt her fingers on his cheek. Turning, he saw her desire and leaning over, he pulled her into another kiss. When he pulled away, her fingers went to his face, tracing his upper lip. Lifting them from his mouth, she used her index finger to trace some of the lines of his face, first the deep creases from his nose to the corner of his mouth and then the furrow between his eyes. Still using her index finger, she traced the flat part of his upper lip from his nose to his lips and then she traced them again. Her touch was heavenly, peaceful and thrilling at the same time. And when she finished the trip around his lips, he pulled her finger into his mouth, gently sucking it and then kissing her hand.

They kissed again and then he held her face close to his. _This is how it should be…this is what you've been looking for all the time…_

Reluctantly, Jim pulled away. He started his car and pulled out of the park. "I'm taking you home….while I still can."

She didn't argue with him. Instead, she sat as close as she could, quiet and happy until she realized he was driving to her house, not his. "But…why are you taking me to my house?"

"Because Honey, we're going to do this right. I'm taking you home and I'm gonna stand on your front porch and kiss you goodnight. And then you're going inside and feel all the excitement and other things a girl should feel after their first date and first kiss. _And I'm going home to a very cold shower…_

BRASSISHOTBRASSISHOT

No one seems to be in a reviewing frame of mind. I can relate, sometimes I don't feel like it either. But if there is something you like or don't like, please tell me.

Also, did you take my poll yet?


	8. Second Date?

It took a long time for Jim to settle down enough to attempt going to bed. His conscience had kicked in again on his drive home. The argument that raged in his mind had him stirred up when he finally made it into his house and it had taken another Scotch to settle back down. _You got her right where you want her, asshole. Now what? No matter what you do, she's gonna get hurt. You follow this trail with her and end up in the sack playing hide the salami and you take away her innocence and she's hurt or you back away now, before things get too deep and she's still hurt._

But other small voices were whispering to him as well. _Yeah, but tonight was the best date you've had in how long? Like forever, right? She likes you…maybe more. And you know how you feel about her. So she's a lot younger…so what? It's unusual but it's been known to work. _

_Yeah, it might work for now_, anothervoice toned._ But what about later? Say…ten years from now…you'll be old and she'll be just coming into her prime. Then what you bastard? Besides, you don't do relationships well, remember?_

_But you could…if you really tried…maybe. And it's her choice too. She is an adult. She might be naive about relationships but she's pretty smart, in general. And it's not like she hasn't dealt with adversity. She's savvy enough to know what she wants…_

_Maybe. But what about you? What do you want?_

Jim sat, staring at the floor, pondering the last question for a long time. "_Me? I want…I want someone special, someone like her that might breathe life into me after a bad case… I want to come home to her everyday…to wake up to her like I did yesterday morning. I want to kiss her again, over and over… I want to love her…to let her love me. _He sighed as he swiped his face with his hand and then rubbed the back of his neck. "I want this to feel right," he said to the empty room.

He moved to the bedroom, stripped, and crawled into his empty bed. "I want her in my bed…just to hold her…" Loneliness enveloped him as he listened to the quiet of his house. And then his eyes settled on the phone. Briefly, he thought about calling her until he glanced at the clock. Shaking his head, he sighed. "No, she's probably asleep by now."

And then the phone rang. "Damn," he muttered as he reached for the phone, expecting it to be PD calling him in. "Brass," he barked into the phone.

"Jim?" Her voice was timid and quiet. It was a balm for his soul. "Micha? You okay?"

"Yes," she replied. "I just couldn't sleep. Did I wake you?" Jim smiled inwardly. "No Baby, I was just lying here…thinking about calling you." "You were?" she asked. He could hear the happiness in her voice.

"Yeah," he said softly. "I um, had a really nice time tonight."

"So did I. It was …well, a night I'll never forget." She giggled. "Wow, that sounded really cliché, didn't it?"

Jim was grinning. "Yeah, but nice…"

"Your um…good night kiss…"

"Yeah," he said teasingly.

"It um…well, it's a big part of why I can't get to sleep…"

"Micha….I…this is…."

"Don't ruin it, Jim. Don't spoil tonight. I know you are worried that I'll get hurt….that the difference in our ages will be too much. But, it just feels…right to me…you feel right…to me."

Jim was quiet as he thought about what she said. No, he wouldn't spoil the night for her…but what about the rest? It seemed like he ached all over as he realized he needed her.

"Jim?"

"I'm here…"

"I wish I was there with you…I miss you."

"Yeah, me too…miss you." _Damn bed is cold and empty without you._

"I could…call a cab…be there soon…" she said hopefully.

Jim grunted. "No Baby. This is the way it should be. No short cuts…If we're going to try this thing out…and it seems we are…then we need to do it right; I need to do it right."

"Okay…but I miss your arms around me…and…your warmth."

Jim chuckled. "Honey, its 90 degrees outside, you should be plenty warm."

"You know what I mean…it's a different kind of warm…a tingly kind of warm…"

"Tell you what….why don't I pick you up in the morning for breakfast?"

"I'd like that." Her excitement was transmitted to Jim through the phone line.

"Okay, then…about 8:30?"

"Yeah…I'll be waiting…"

"So try to get some sleep?"

"I will. But I'll be dreaming about you."

"Me too Baby, me too." Jim closed his phone and sighed. "In for a penny, in for a pound," he said softly. But strangely, his mind was at rest and he felt good. _Maybe, just maybe…_he thought as he rolled over and tried to settle down to sleep.

She was gorgeous in the morning, Jim decided as she greeted him at the front door. _Hell, she could have saggy eyes, wrinkled skin, and bleary eyes, wearing tattered clothes and she'd be gorgeous,_ he thought as he saw the way she looked at him, happy and trusting…with childlike glee and yet adult anticipation. And the clothes she was wearing were definitely not tattered. She had on dark blue capris with a lady's tee shirt, at least Jim thought that's what they called it, and a Hawaiian shirt over it. The tee was a light blue and the shirt had different hues of blues and greens that set off her eyes. "I'm ready," she declared, those eyes dancing.

He took her hand and led her to his car. Suddenly breakfast was the last thing on Jim Brass's mind. Once he'd settled in next to her, he looked over and sighed. She smiled unreservedly, lighting his whole existence. He had to do it, he just had to…he leaned over and kissed her…fiercely. He hadn't intended to be so forceful, but she looked so lovely, tasted so sweet, felt so good…he needed her, needed this…whatever it was between them right now. He could feel her responding to him, as if she needed it too, which only encouraged him more. His tongue danced with hers, taking little plunges deeper into her mouth and then backing away, imitating what he really wanted to do at that moment. And then his brain clicked and he realized what he was doing…where he was going, and backed off, slowly extracting his tongue and his senses from her. He held his forehead to hers, his hand behind her neck, and sat quietly, simply breathing in her essence, enjoying her proximity. "Oh god, Baby…," he whispered as he tried to get himself under control.

"Me too," she answered. "We could go to your place," she suggested.

It was like a splash of cold water. His mind reeled, his gut twisting…"Yeah, we could, but we're not," he said gruffly. She tensed; he could feel it beneath his hand and then she looked away. He knew she was upset.

"Baby, I'm sorry I sounded so…rough. It's just…well, I'm trying here…really trying to …to get this right, you know? I mean, there's been plenty of women that I wouldn't think twice about taking to my place and…well…you know. But then, I'd never call them again except when I needed…um, well…"

"Sex," she said softly.

"Well, yeah."

"And you don't want sex with me?" Her eyes were sad and her face had lost its glow.

"It's not that…hell, if only you knew how hard it is for me to…keep my cool around you. But, you deserve better…something more from a guy. And whether we turn out to be a long term thing or not, it needs to have some meaning, for both of us…something more than a roll in the hay. You understand what I'm trying to say here?"

Her expression was intense as she looked at him, trying to read his expression. "I think so. You want me but you want it to mean something …more than a one night stand…"

"Yeah."

"But it does already, for me…" She didn't ask the question but it hung in the air. _What about for Jim…did it mean anything?_

"Baby, please understand…I want this to be something… really special…" _I need to get this right…_

She looked deep into his eyes, searching for something that she seemed to find. "Okay then. So, take me some place quiet for breakfast. After last night, I want some quiet time with you."

Jim smiled. She was happy again. He hadn't ruined things yet.

That night at work, he sat opposite Catherine in the lab's conference room. They were reviewing a couple of case files before going to trial later in the week. Jim was having trouble concentrating and Catherine noticed.

"What's with you tonight?" she asked him.

Jim looked up and grunted. "Me? Uh, I dunno. It seems like something's going on?"

"Yes, It does," she said emphatically. "A woman?"

Jim shrugged and grimaced. "What's a good second date?"

Catherine leaned back, eyeing her friend carefully. "Second date? Come on Jim, you've done lots of second dates…"

Jim looked down, his fingers fully in fidget mode. "No, I haven't…not for awhile anyway. Most women these days…well, the ones I've come across, wanna put out on the first and then somehow there never is a second…"

"Oh come on Jim, you telling me they don't want to go out with again after…?"

"No, not that…I don't want to. It used to be fine because…well, after the thrashing my ex gave me, I wasn't interested in anything beyond a good time. But the last few years, it's felt pretty empty and…There hasn't been anyone that interested me, that much."

"And now there is?" She was digging and was expecting to get cut off. But she sensed that he needed to talk.

"Yeah…um, but she's a lot younger…"

"Oh, that girl from awhile back? Greg told me she thought you were pretty special." Catherine's eyes twinkled with a mixture of pleasure for her friend and mischief as she teased him.

"She's the special one. And she makes me feel…well, not so old…"

"She better, cause you're going to have to keep up," Catherine teased.

Jim grunted. "Yeah, right…like I can. But she…she's persistent. I tried to, you know…?"

"No, I don't. You tried to what?"

"Discourage her. But she wouldn't let go…and now…"

"You've had a first date and need to plan a second one."

"Yeah…"

Catherine stared at Jim for a moment. "You've got it bad, don't you?"

Jim leaned back and wiped his face with his hand. Then he flexed his fingers before picking up his pen. He began to fidget with it. "Yeah, I think I do…but it doesn't feel right…"

"Why not?" Catherine slid her glasses off and set them on the table, scrutinizing Jim.

"I'm too old for her, Catherine," he said as he squirmed in his chair. "She should marry someone younger, pop out babies, and live a …good life."

"You could marry her, she could pop out your babies…"

"No, I'm past that time in my life…and if I did marry her, she'd be in her prime taking care of an old man. My father had Alzheimer's. What if I got it?"

"Then I'd visit you every week at the nursing home," Catherine retorted. "Seriously Jim, you've done this job long enough to know that tomorrow is never a sure thing. Who's to say what might happen. You might get shot…or run over by a bus. So could she, for that matter…You know we have to grab what we can out of life. If she makes you happy and you make her happy, why not?"

"That how you saw it with Gil and Sara?"

"Catherine paled. "Well, yeah…sort of…"

"Except, you wanted him to make _you_ happy…"

Catherine shrugged. "It wasn't in the cards. Gil and I were…are great friends and I guess that's the way it was meant to be. Sara does something for him that I obviously couldn't."

"Sara was safe for him," Jim intoned. "In a way, you scared him. I watched the two of you for years, wondering if he would get up the nerve to do anything about it. I saw you try a couple of times, but it bounced of his clueless head like one of those rubber balls. For her sake, I hope he is happy with Sara and that it lasts, but there's a part of him that will always wonder about you."

Catherine smiled. "I hope they are happy too. That's what I want for him the most, you know…happiness." They sat quietly for a few minutes and then she spoke again. "But that doesn't solve your second date dilemma…."

"Yeah…"

"What is she like?"

"Quiet. Kind of shy, but she likes adventure too…I took her to Botero and XS at Encore. She seemed to enjoy it."

"Hmmm, maybe something more personal this time…not so many people."

"A movie?"

"No…how about a picnic? You could take her up to one of the trails at Lake Meade and have a picnic. It'll give you some more alone time…"

"A picnic? You sure? I mean, isn't that a little corny?"

"Yeah, but you said she's the quiet type…she might enjoy it."

"Would you?" He was surprised by her insistence.

"I would, under the right circumstances…"

"Which are?"

"Not too long of a hike, a nice place, no pests, a bottle of wine and…the right guy." She looked at him pointedly.

"Okay," he drawled after giving it a moment's thought. "I think I can do that…"

BRASSROCKSBRASSROCKSBRASSROCKS

Hmmm, I'm not sure what I think about this chapter but I needed it to get where Jim's going… Besides, I couldn't help it, had to get in my dig at GSR, lol.

Hope it makes sense to you and wasn't too boring.

Counting down to the new season... Hopefully we'll see more of Brass, lots more as in sans tie, jacket…shirt…pants; hmmm, sans everything? lol…


	9. A Special Day

"Got a minute? Jim asked as he stuck his head through the door. Kerrie Wilson was sitting behind her desk, writing. She looked up as her mind shifted from the notes on her desk to Jim. "Sure….come in and sit," she said, motioning to a chair in front of her desk. As Jim made his way over, she stood and walked around the desk, taking the other chair that sat near Jim's.

Waiting patiently while Jim gathered his thoughts…and his nerves, Kerrie was amused by the constant activity of his fingers as they flexed and then rubbed against each other. Then his head came up and he flexed his neck, tilting his head, before looking at her. Whatever was bothering him was serious; she recognized the signs in one of her favorite detectives.

"I um…need to …run something by you," he finally said.

"Okay. Is this about a case?" she asked.

Jim grimaced. "No…it…well, it's about me…and…." He couldn't help but think Kerrie was amused. There was a sparkle in her eyes and he could have sworn that the corners of her mouth were turned up, ready to smile. "You remember coming to me about Micha Hunter?"

"Yes…" she drawled.

Jim tried to read her expression, but she was too good at what she did. There was nothing there to let him know what she was thinking. "Well….I was going to …you know…stay away, hands off…"

"But you didn't?"

"No, I….tried, but between the dreams and running into her a couple of times…I um…" he was rubbing the back of his neck, "I think…I mean…she is…different…"

"Different? Different than whom?"

"Uh….every woman I've ever known," he said heavily.

"And?"

"And…I can't …well, we went on a date…and I…we kissed."

"That's all? You kissed?"

"Yeah. I …wanted more and so did she. Only I don't think she knows what it is exactly. I mean, she's a virgin, you know…and I, well…I'm not. Can't remember when I was…and…well, here's the thing; she's so …innocent and I'm…not."

"Are you still bothered by your difference in ages?"

"Yeah, who wouldn't be? Hell, I feel like one of the pervs that I've spent a lifetime locking up."

"Jim, if this were any other young woman, I might agree with you. But she isn't. Has she told you about her childhood…about her history?"

"Well, yeah…but there are some things she's not telling me too."

"She may be young and inexperienced, and at first glance, the two of you together might seem…odd. But maybe you are what she needs…someone who can understand the hell she came from."

Jim blinked. He hadn't thought of things that way. But he could agree that he understood hell, seemed like he'd been in and out of it all of his life. "So…you're saying that its okay…for me to …see her, I mean."

"If you're asking my permission, you know I can't answer that. That's up to you and to her. But, I am saying maybe you need to look at things a little differently. She's… in a different place than most women at her stage in life. Maybe you are a good fit for her, as long as you understand that she can't take much more trauma in her life. You need to be careful; but you know that already."

"Yeah…that much is obvious." Jim paused and his brow furrowed in thought. "So, you think maybe a guy like me and a girl like her…that we could…" He paused again.

"Could what, Jim?"

"You know…make it…together, I mean."

"How hard are you willing to work at it, Jim? Because it will require work. You're not…easy; you have ghosts of your own. Can you put them aside for her?"

"I um…dunno."

Kerrie smiled. "At least you are honest."

"I want…I mean, she…oh hell, I can't get her out of my system. I want her, what she…the difference she could make for me…in my life. It could be…good with her, I think. But I seem to screw things up with relationships. I don't want to hurt her."

"Then take it slow. Don't go in the deep water unless you are sure that you both are ready to swim."

"Go slow…yeah, I can do that. Okay…well, thanks. I needed to talk it out, you know. Needed to look at all the angles."

"Oh, I'm sure there are more angles, Jim. But if I helped you bring things into focus, I'm happy to be helpful. So, are you seeing her again?"

Jim grinned. "Yeah. We're going on a picnic." Kerrie chuckled. "What?" Jim asked defensively.

"I just don't see you in that setting…in a natural setting."

"Hey, I can do natural." He grinned as he held out his hand, gesturing openness.

The rest of Jim's week passed quickly and it was finally his weekend. He'd planned the picnic, scrapped the plans, and re-planned several times over the course of the week. He hadn't told Micha where they were going, just that he hoped to spend the day with her. She had been eager in her response.

Once he had accepted that there was no use fighting his feelings about her, he'd been in a better mood, happy almost. Everyone around him noticed a change in his attitude although they were clueless about the reason, except Catherine. She'd been part of his planning, approving or nixing ideas until she was satisfied that he had planned a perfect day. Jim was satisfied too.

"So, wear something casual," he'd told Micha on the phone the night before. "We're going to be outdoors most of the time." She'd sounded almost child-like in her excitement and enthusiasm. But that was okay with him, because Jim was feeling pretty sophomoric himself.

Considering her excitement the night before about spending the entire day with him, Jim wasn't really surprised when he pulled up to her place and spotted her sitting on the front porch. _She's waiting on me…can't wait to see me,_ he thought, his vanity feeling very stroked. He cut his engine, closed his eyes, and took a moment to absorb that and the other feelings her impatience created in him. _Get a grip, Jimmy. Just because no one else has been this eager…don't let it go to your head._

When he didn't get out of the car immediately, she bounded down the steps toward him. By the time she reached the car, he was out and she ran to him full force, throwing her arms around him happily. "You're here. I thought the time would never come. I've been up since .. well, way early and ready and…now you're here," she babbled.

Jim chuckled. "Good morning to you too," he said. _Damn she feels good…_

She babbled as he drove, checking to be sure she wore the right clothes, that she'd brought sunscreen, did she forget anything…and how happy she was to spending the whole day with him. All Jim could do was smile. There was no point in him trying to comment or talk at all; she was just too wound up. Normally he detested babbling women, but right now she was more like an excited child and Jim was enjoying her enthusiasm. Finally, as they approached the entrance to the Recreation Area, she began to wind down. "Oh, is this it? We got here so quickly…"

"Yeah, but we still have a little drive to get to the trail head," he informed her.

"What's it like? I've never hiked before…or gone on a picnic either, for that matter."

"You never been on a picnic?" Jim was dumbfounded.

"No, I've seen them in the movies and on TV and I've re…"

"Let me guess, you read about them?" He grinned.

"Yeah. Do you have a checkered table cloth or are we sitting on a blanket?"

Jim chuckled. "I have a table cloth, but it isn't checkered. And before you ask, no, I don't have it packed neatly in a picnic basket. But we'll be okay, I did bring food."

"Fried chicken?" She was nearly bouncing in the other seat.

"No," he laughed. "Not chicken. I brought sandwiches. I'm not so good with frying chicken."

"Oh, I know how. Next time, I'll fry us some chicken. But sandwiches are good too. A lot of people take them on picnics," she concluded.

Jim was smiling. Her assurance that sandwiches were okay was cute, he thought…another clue to her naivety. "I brought some other stuff too, including wine."

"Wine? You brought wine? Oh, that's perfect. Picnics…well, adult ones, always have wine."

"Where do you get this stuff?" He asked jovially. "Oh wait, I know….from books and the movies…"

She was quiet suddenly and Jim wondered if he had hurt her feelings. He hadn't intended to, but she seemed to be backing away. Then, very softly, he heard her. "Jim, I know you think I'm, well…a baby and all…I, well… I haven't experienced much of life for myself, so in a way, I suppose I am. But…I…"

He pulled the car over and put it in park. Sighing, he sat staring ahead while he collected his words. Then he turned to her. "Honey, you are so young in so many ways…but I don't think of you as a baby. What you went through…and survived…that takes real strength and maturity. A lot of people wouldn't have come out of it as good as you have. It's just that…everything is new to you…an adventure. So many things that I take for granted are exciting to you…we're just in different places with it all. I dunno, I guess I've just seen too much…the world is usually a dark place for me…"

She was looking at him sadly. "I'm sorry that …that…" she looked like she was about to cry and Jim was feeling like a low life. "Honey, it's okay. You got nothing to be sorry for. It's me, I'm the problem. I don't think I even know how to be happy anymore…" Her eyes were wide open, impressionable, and caring…full of _what? Empathy?_

"Let me make you happy, Jim. I know you worry that you are older, that…I should be with someone nearer my age…but I don't want someone nearer my age; I want you…you make me happy."

That was his undoing. _I make her happy? I've never made anyone happy…not really…maybe Annie but that was …bittersweet. And she never made me feel…like this…_"Okay Honey, I …don't get why, but I get that you…see something in me that appeals to you. You certainly have spread sunshine in my life."

"I have? Oh, I'm glad…I want to make you happy. Sometimes I think…I mean, I know I…"

Jim covered her lips with his fingers. "Shhh…Honey, you are perfect…so beautiful and alive. Don't ever think that I don't …_love?_...care for you. I just need a little time to get used to all of this. I've screwed up every relationship I've ever had. I want to get things right with you. Most of all, I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me," she answered confidently. "You're too nice."

Jim guffawed. "Me nice….sure," he said as he pulled back onto the road. He could feel her watching him. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. It certainly made the idea of going slow more difficult.

They made it to the parking area for the Redstone Trail. Micha was out of the car immediately. Jim chuckled as he watched her looking at the surroundings. He opened the trunk and pulled out a small cooler, a backpack with the food and blanket, and a couple of canteens. "You mind carrying a canteen," he asked. She took it happily and attached it to her belt. Jim slipped into the backpack and settled the cooler in his left hand. Then taking her hand in his right one, he led her to the trail head. They hiked awhile until they came to a level area with a little shade. It wasn't an overly hot day, but Jim didn't want them to take home severe sunburns as souvenirs either. The downside was that other creatures liked the shade too. He knew he'd have to keep his eyes peeled for signs of visitors.

Micha was far too excited to watch for such details. She stood, gazing out at the scenery that surrounded them, while Jim spread the table cloth and set things out. She turned and knelt to join him on the cloth, opening packaging and admiring his food choices. "I love turkey sandwiches," she exclaimed when she realized what he'd brought. "Good," Jim smiled. "Are we ready to eat? I'm starving," she declared. Jim motioned to the food. "Dig in…"

She ate with exuberance. Jim watched her as he slowly chewed his food, marveling at how much pleasure she could derive from a turkey sandwich. He opened the wine and poured some in a cup for her and then one for himself. They were quiet while they ate, she because she was hungry and was devouring the food and Jim because he was watching her. He kept pouring the wine until it was gone and then packed their trash back in the pack.

He was kneeling on the cloth, finishing the packing when she leaned over and kissed him on his cheek. Jim stopped, smiled and then looked at her. It had been a big move for her, bold…something to be rewarded. So he leaned towards her and reaching over he put his hand behind her neck, his fingers entwining in her hair. Their eyes locked momentarily before he kissed her and then kissed her again. Slowly they eased down onto the cloth, she on her back and him over her, their lips never breaking contact. She was returning his kisses, first with eagerness and then in surrender. He could feel her body going limp as she gave into her feelings, the sensations of his kiss. Finally, he pulled away a little. He hovered over her, breathing heavily, his eyes taking in every aspect of her flushed face and her hungry eyes. There was no doubt that she was aroused, perhaps as much as he, but he could also see that she didn't fully understand what she was feeling. Still, her desire laden eyes probed his. "Now? Is it now?" Her voice was soft and deep.

"Is what now, Baby?" He barely recognized his own voice.

"You know…you going to …you know…" Her expression was intense and hopeful.

"No Honey," he said quietly. "Not yet… not until we both are ready."

"But I am," she insisted.

"Maybe I'm not," he said gently. "this is…it's good. Let's not ruin things by going too fast."

"But…I read that men…that they want…need …IT."

Jim chuckled. "Well, they do…I guess. But…" Jim sat up. "Look Honey, since I am …older…past my prime even…well, things happen a little slower for me anyway. Besides, like I've said, I want things to go…right. I don't want to rush this."

She looked deep into his eyes, probably the boldest look she'd given him. "You really do want me…I mean, for us to…to…be together…serious and all, I mean."

Jim returned her meaningful gaze. "Yeah, I want us to be something special. Look, I don't know how to explain everything to you…so that you can understand where I'm coming from, but…since I met you I've been a little perplexed. . That you could be interested in me is kind of amazing, you know? I'm older…a lot older… and I kind of live in a dark place, you know. I mean, my job and just…well, my life…" he paused, trying to collect his thoughts. "I felt your…interest and I have to tell ya, it… well, it felt good, kind of stroked my ego. But I'm so used to having things go bad that I …well, I guess I just try to avoid anything more than casual relationships, have for years. And you were… are so...intense, really got under my skin…and into my head. But, after everything that's happened… well, I guess you're in my heart too. My age does worry me, but a couple of smart ladies I know have told me that it could be okay, if I'm willing to work at it. So that's what I'm trying to do, work at it and maybe…well, maybe we could be good for each other." He sighed, still watching her as she took in what he was trying to say. "So you see, I need to go slow. I don't want to rush into bed and …lose a chance at something better. So maybe, if a tumble in the sack is all you want….maybe you should just tell me now and …"

"No!" She was emphatic. "No Jim. I want…what you want, I think…if I understand what you are saying. I just thought…well, you are…experienced and I thought that if I didn't…that you would want…expect…"

Jim silenced her by putting his hand on her cheek. "I do want that, Baby…when the time is right for both of us. Until then, I just want to know you better, okay?" Her smile was the only answer he needed.

They hiked back to his car and loaded everything back into the trunk. Things were quiet on the ride back to Vegas until she sighed and then looked at him. He felt her gaze and reached over with his right hand to hold her hand, interlocking their fingers. "I had a good day today," he said calmly.

"Me too…especially when you were…kissing me." Jim didn't need to look to know she was blushing again. "Yeah," he answered, "I enjoyed that part too."

A few minutes later, she sighed again. "I don't want to go home."

Jim grinned. "I don't want to take you home. But you'll have to go eventually."

"Couldn't we, I don't know, go to your house and watch a movie or something?"

Jim squeezed her hand. "It's the 'or something' that worries me."

"I won't…push you to…you know…if that's what you are worried about." She sounded happy which made him happy.

"Okay then. We'll go to my house for …something."

CAPTAINJIMBRASSCAPTAINJIMBRASS

Hmmm, wonder what the something will be? I want to hear your thoughts. What are you thinking about this chapter?


	10. Getting to Know You

Something turned into a night of heavy making out, so much so that the next morning Jim couldn't even remember which movie it was they were supposed to be watching. He'd put a halt to their activities when he sensed that things were getting just a little out of hand…or maybe too much in hand. Micha had acquiesced when he said he was taking her home, but reluctantly.

Lying in his bed the next morning, Jim grinned as he remembered her pout when he pulled in front of her place. She gave him enough time to get home and then called him. They'd talked a long time. The sound of her voice over the phone was soothing, her soft whispers balm for his soul. He couldn't explain why, didn't understand her feelings for him, all he knew was she did care for him, maybe could even love him. And slowly, the pain that had been a constant companion for years was subsiding. His empty heart was filling up again with her; her presence in his life was healing him. And despite the difference in their ages, it was beginning to feel 'right' to him.

The feeling was solidified when she shared her dreams of him, dreams very similar to his. Her dreams weren't as erotic as some of his had been, but in her dreams they were together, just as they had been in his dreams. "_And that's why when I saw you at that bar…saw your eyes," she told him, "I knew…"_

"_Knew what, Honey?" _

"_Knew you were the one I've been waiting for…you're the only one that could ever be right for me, Jim."_

"_Yeah?" he asked._

"_Yeah." She had answered quietly but with conviction._

They'd planned to spend the day together. Beyond that, he had no idea what they would be doing. Glancing at the clock, Jim realized he needed to get moving; he was picking her up for breakfast in another hour.

Jim was adjusting to her exuberance whenever he came to pick her up. Once again she bounced out of her house and into his arms before he made it to the door. But this time, she kissed him, all of her shyness forgotten. His heart soared as he held her and his spirit was lifted. He held her tightly, content to feel her next to him, relishing the boost she always gave his broken soul. She seemed to sense his need and melted into him, mumbling something about how good this felt. Glancing up, he saw the curtains move in the front window and realized they had an audience. "Maybe we should get going," he whispered huskily.

He drove to a little diner off the Boulder Highway and pulled into a parking space. Just as he cut the engine, his phone rang. "Brass,' he grumbled into the phone.

"_Jimmy?" _

"Annie? Yeah it's me. How ya doing?"

"_Good…okay. Look Jimmy, it's Ellie…"_

Jim rolled his eyes as a sick feeling enveloped him. "She okay? I mean…she's not…" He didn't want to say it_…dead._

"_No she's okay, except she got picked up again last night. Third time in four months…drew the wrong judge this time. Arraignment is set for later this morning but I'm afraid he'd going to hold onto her this time."_

"She got a lawyer?"

"_Public defender. He's okay but overwhelmed. And the new D. A. is a social conservative…ran on a platform of cleaning things up. He's been rough on the working girls, Jimmy. That with Judge Williams…I just don't know what's going to happen to her. She could end up doing some time in jail."_

"Damn…." Jim was fighting his temper. "Hell, maybe it would do her some good…"

"_Jail is never good, Jimmy. You know that…and right now, our jail is ….pretty bad."_

"Yeah, you're right. So, you know any good lawyers that'd take her case?"

"_One or two. You want me to make a call?"_

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I appreciate the favor, Annie."

"_Okay, I'll take care of it. I can't get anymore involved in it than that. But I could get a message to her, if you want me to?"_

Jim paused for a minute. "No, no message…just the lawyer. You know where to tell him to send the bill, right?"

"_Yeah. I'll take care of it. Take care of yourself, Jimmy."_

"Okay….and thanks, Annie." He closed his phone and glanced over at Micha. She was curious, he could tell, but also concerned. Her expression was serious, not at all the happy, bubbly child-woman that had greeted him earlier. "A friend in L.A.," he shrugged. "Called to tell me about…someone….she needs a good lawyer." He didn't want to tell her…didn't want to share the misery with the tale of him and Ellie, and certainly didn't want to admit his daughter was a hooker. "Oh," was all she said. But he could see that she knew there was more.

He felt her eyes on him as they sat at the table, eating. She was watching him closely and saying little. A cloud hung over him after Annie's call and Micha was suffering the effects. It was eating at him, that his life was casting shadows into hers. But what could he do; Ellie was his daughter. Annie had been keeping an eye on things for him and would call whenever something was wrong. He knew more had happened with Ellie than Annie ever let on, but she did call him when she thought the girl really needed something. And Jim always answered the call…she would always be his daughter, no matter what. But just now, he wished, just for an instant, that she weren't; that he could push her aside and forget her, that he was free of everything that she represented in his life. Then maybe he would be worthy of the gift that sat across from him. He smiled sheepishly as he caught her looking at him. "Food okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. But are you?" He swallowed his emotions with difficulty. His heart was pounding somewhere in his throat and in his head. His stomach was in knots and fear dripped from his every pore. "I…yeah…I'll be okay." She cared. He could see it in her eyes, hear it in her tone, and then felt it as she reached across the table and covered his hand with hers. "I'm not porcelain; I won't break. Please tell me what is hurting you so much." Her voice was quiet, tender, and loving.

"I um….yeah, okay. Well…I told you I have a daughter…" She nodded in agreement, her huge eyes not leaving his face, concern all but dripping from them. "Well, my friend, Annie….she keeps an eye on Ellie in L.A. for me. That's where Ellie lives. Annie and I worked together back in Jersey and, well…we kinda had a thing for awhile. But now she's a Captain with LAPD. Anyway…Ellie comes across her radar every so often…" He could see the questions in her eyes as she watched him and waited. "You see, Ellie…she um…well, she started running with the wrong kind of people back when she was in high school and she's still doing it. She came here a few years back and got involved with drug dealers and a murder. After that, she went to L.A." He paused to catch his breath and take a moment to gage Micha's reaction to what he was telling her. She didn't seem appalled.

"So, anyway…her friend got picked up by the wrong guy and Ellie called me to help. I went there…to help her, you know…and that's…." he took a deep breath. "That's when I found out that she's…working the streets," he grumbled. He didn't dare look up, so he stared into his coffee cup. The silence from the other side of the table was deafening. Inside he was cringing, sure that she was withdrawing. It had been a miracle to him that she saw anything in him, anything attractive, that is. And now, she would see what a dismal failure he was and that would be it, it would be over.

Her soft voice whispered, "working the streets? As in…prostitution?" Her hand squeezed his gently, communicating her concern.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"Oh Jim, I'm sorry…" Unbelievably, she was still holding his hand firmly, not backing away. He dared to look up and was transfixed by the emotion in her eyes….her concern, her empathy, her…love? His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to understand. _Why is she still here, still holding my hand? Why does she still care?_

Then something flickered in her eyes and she looked at him intently. "That's why you reacted as you did when I said I wish I could be more like…those women."

"Well, part of it. I've seen it from a cop's angle for years…it's not for you. And as a man…as a father, I just…well, it would kill you. And it hurts me every time a see a girl like you…or Ellie, caught up in that life."

They sat quietly for a few minutes, Jim grieving and Micha grieving for him. "You know," he sadly, "I used to think she did stuff like that to get at me…hurt me in some way. But, I think she does it because it is all she thinks she is good for. I used to tell her, when she messed up, that she was better than that. But she kept insisting that she's not…"

"You love her very much, in spite of …everything, don't you?"

Tears sat in Jim's eyes as he looked up. "Yeah, I do…I mean, she's my kid…" He sighed. "I've tried. I've screwed up a lot, but I've tried…to be a good father, I mean. For a long time, I wasn't. I wasn't around much and then I moved here and I saw her even less."

"You said she's about my age…"

"Yeah…I think. How old are you, anyway?"

Micha smiled. "Thirty-two."

Jim sat up straight, looking at her in disbelief. "Nooo, no way…"

"Yes. I think I should know how old I am. Now it's your turn," she said grinning devilishly.

"My turn for what?" He grumbled.

"How old are you?"

"Ah…that. Um…what if I don't want to tell you?"

"Oh my gosh," she laughed. "You're worse than a woman…"

"Hey, I already told you I'm old," he said, his eyes twinkling.

"Yeah, but _how _old?" Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Old enough to be your father," he grimaced.

"Yeah, but that covers a lot of territory. I suppose I'll just have to guess. Hmmm, let's see…" She raised her fingers to his face. "You've got a lot of lines on your face, some are laugh lines," she said as she traced the area at the corners of his mouth. "And some are worry lines," she added, tracing the lines in forehead. Then her fingers moved to his right ear. "Your earlobes are …getting longer." Jim snorted, "you mean drooping, don't you?"

Her hand moved back to his, tracing the outline of his fingers. "You know…" she said wistfully, "there's an old wives tale about a man with big hands, big ears, and other large appendages."

Jim knew where she was going and decided to play along. "There is?" he asked in feigned surprise.

"Yes….it says those men have a rather large…"

"More coffee?" the waitress asked, interrupting Micha."

Jim cleared his throat, looking at the woman with frustration and guilt. "Ah, no…we're fine, thanks."

Micha started laughing and Jim turned back to her. "You were saying?"

"Well, I just hope I get to see if the old wives were right…and soon."

Jim took her hand and held it between his. He knew he had a sappy look on his face but he didn't care. This woman was taking years off of him and he felt lighter, happier every time he was with her. "You're amazing," he told her.

"No, I'm not. I just…well, for the first time in my life I feel…safe and…I dunno, like I matter to someone."

"Oh Honey, you matter."

"I…well, thank you."

"Nothing to thank me for; you're something really special. It was only a matter of time before someone noticed."

"No, I meant…for telling me about your daughter. I know it is…difficult. But…sharing that with me…it means so much to me."

"You know, we don't really know that much about each other. I know there are things that, well…I'd like to ask you about."

Suddenly she looked nervous. "I um…"

"Look, why don't we go to my place and …just talk. You can ask me anything and I'll try to answer, but it goes both ways, okay?"

She studied his face, anxiety in her eyes. Finally she sighed. "Okay, but…"

"Don't worry. I just think that if we are going to…well…you know, get closer, then we need to…talk."

SUPERBRASS

Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter and have reviewed all along. You keep me going!

So have you done the poll on my profile page yet? Yes, I know, I'm a nag.


	11. Darkness

Micha settled on his couch while he went to the kitchen for some cold drinks. Walking back into the living room, he stopped as he spotted her with her legs curled up and her head resting on her hand. The sight of her there, comfortable on his couch, waiting for him, took his breath away. _God, this is…fantastic. She is so beautiful and she's here…with me._ He edged closer, his eyes never leaving her until he stood in front of her, offering a drink.

She smiled at him and took one out of his hand. "Please Jim, sit next to me."

Jim eased down, settling close but not too close. If they were going to talk, a little distance might be good. Too close and he'd get lost in her again and forget the talking. And he wanted to know more, needed to know more if he was going to have a chance at making her happy.

"So, you want the first question or should I ask it," he smiled nervously.

She seemed a little startled by his directness. After taking a sip from her glass, she set it down on the end table and turned back to him. "You were married…to Ellie's mother, right?"

Jim nodded, "yeah, but it was a long time ago. I've been here, in Vegas for years. My ex is back in Jersey."

"So, what happened….that she is your ex, I mean."

Jim clenched his jaw as he ruminated over an answer. He wanted to be honest with her, not flippant as was his usual response to the question. "Several things, I guess," he began. "I worked vice in those days and was away a lot. It takes a toll. When I did come around, she'd always be angry, gave me hell for being gone all the time. Eventually she got lonely and began looking elsewhere for….company. I probably wouldn't even have known except that she went shopping at the PD for her…entertainment." He watched Micha as he talked and saw the disgust that filled her features and then turned to anger. "It ate at me for awhile," he continued, "and then I got involved with someone else. She was good for me at the time and didn't deserve the shit that came her way because of it."

"Annie." Micha said softly.

"Yeah, Annie. I think…I mean, I don't want to sound egotistical or anything, but I think she was in love with me. But Nancy, my ex, well…she got pregnant and Ellie was born. So I figured a bad marriage was better than no marriage, especially with a kid in the picture. So, I stuck it out trying to make it work awhile longer. But I was still working vice and not the husband or father I should have been. Nancy got angrier as time passed and more blatant in her affairs. And some stuff happened at the precinct that made work pretty tough. I was looking for comfort in the wrong places, mostly the bottom of a bottle and then one day, I looked in the mirror and I didn't much like what I saw." Jim sighed, the pain of those years flooding over him. "Anyway, I cleaned up the situation at work and then moved out, leaving Nancy and Ellie behind. A year later I was out here. I tried to, you know, still be a Dad to Ellie but I think by then the distance between us emotionally was even greater than the miles between Jersey and Vegas. So I haven't talked to Nancy in years and Ellie hates me." He looked at Micha, fearful of what he might find in her face…disgust, repulsion, or worse, pity.

She was frowning in a thoughtful manner. Finally, she looked at him. "So is Ellie really yours or from one of Nancy's affairs?"

_Damn, how'd she make the connection so fast?_ "I wasn't the sperm donor," he replied tersely.

He thought he saw tears in her eyes as she looked at him. "I'm sorry Jim. You deserve to have kids of your own."

He wiped his face with his hand and shrugged. "No, I don't. I wasn't a very good father when I had the chance. I'm trying to make up for that with her but its too late, I think. I dunno, I was all wrapped up in the job and in my own grief to be any good for her. I screwed it up royally."

"Seems like her mother did that. Maybe if Ellie was yours, biologically I mean, maybe things would have been different."

"Maybe," Jim conceded. "But it's all done now. I help when I can and the rest of the time, I don't hear from her."

"And she's in trouble again…"

"Yeah," Jim grunted. "Annie'll get her a good lawyer. I'll do what I can from here."

"Why not go to her?" Jim sensed that Micha was truly concerned, not just curious. He just didn't know quite how to answer her question. Shrugging, he tried. "She doesn't want me there…and I've seen enough of her life to last a lifetime. I don't wanna know everything." Sadly he concluded, "It about killed me when I found out…about her life."

He could feel Micha's eyes on him, studying him. He could also feel her anxiety. He felt lousy for laying all of his sadness on her but there were things she would have to know about him and this was one of the big ones. _Better get it over with now…_ Looking up, he was surprised by the expression on her face, one of total awe. The green of her eyes glittered through tears and she raised her hand to his face, gently stroking his cheek. "One day, she'll realize how lucky she is," Micha said softly. The thought warmed Jim momentarily, but then sadness engulfed him again. "I doubt it," he answered more coldly than he intended.

"Okay,' she whispered, matching his mood. "But if you ever want to go…and you need company, I'll go with you…just to be there…for …you. I mean, if you want me there…to... I don't know…be someone who cares…about…you." Jim could hear the sincerity in her voice, the care…_maybe love?_ He sighed deeply and then looked at her again. "Thanks…maybe one day…" Her lips curled slightly upward. "Yes, one day…"

The sat quietly, absorbed in one another and the possibility of 'one day.' Then breaking the spell, Micha spoke, "So, what would you like to ask me about? I've told you about the accident…"

"Oh, yeah…well…at the hospital the doctor mentioned scarring. It um, well…made me wonder…about child abuse. Did your father…?"

If Jim had slapped her, he couldn't have had a greater impact. As she closed her eyes and retreated into herself, he could see her struggle to maintain her composure. _Shit, what were you thinking? You just had to ask, didn't you…asshole._

Her breathing evened out and slowly her eyes opened, although she still looked like a rabbit, ready to run. Taking a deep breath, she answered. "Not like you are thinking. He would come into the room that I shared with my big sister…he um…well, most of it was…directed at her. But sometimes he…well, he'd threaten to do it to me. One night, he was arguing with my mother and…he came into our room and after…he finished with my sister, he …had a knife and he…acted like he was going to do it to me but…" Tears were rolling down her face, sobs breaking her words, her pain still very fresh. Jim clenched his jaw and gently reached for her hand. "It's okay, Baby…if you don't want to finish, I mean…I think I get the picture."

"No, I want to tell you… about…everything. He used his knife to cut me…trying to scare Mama. But my sister started screaming and jumped on him, knocking him to the floor. He got up and…beat her. Then he left for three days."

"And your Mama let him come back?" Jim asked incredulously.

"Yeah, she um…well, she was afraid of him. Once she tried to run away. We all got beatings for that one…" She was sobbing and Jim pulled her to him, holding her against his chest. "Oh Baby, I'm so sorry…." Holding her, all he wanted to do in life was make things better for her, show her that life could be better…that she deserved love, real love. He wanted to hold her and never let go of her. And for the next few minutes, he did.

She lifted her head and looked at him inquiringly. "What else do you want to know about me?" Jim saw the pain in her eyes caused by years of living with hurt and rejection, fear and loneliness. "I think we've had enough truth for one day…" he said as he bent his head to kiss her. His phone began to ring.

Jim grumbled as he fumbled in his pocket to retrieve it. "Brass," he growled into the hated object.

"_Jimmy? Look, I know you wanna keep your distance but I think you should be here…"_

"Annie," he said straightening up.

"_Yeah Jimmy, it's me. And there's more to Ellie's story. I think you should come…"_

Jim grumbled unintelligible sounds. "More to the story…like what? Why can't I just…deal with it from here?"

"_She made me promise not to tell ya, Jimmy. I went to see Ellie…and well, you need to be here."_

"She asking for me?"

"_No. But I think she wants you here. I just think she's afraid…but she needs you, Jimmy…Besides there are some…details she could use help with."_

Jim sighed heavily. "Okay, I'll see if I can get time off…I'll let you know when I know…"

Micha had watched him through the whole conversation and was frowning. Jim tossed the phone aside and sighed again. He felt her hand on his cheek. "You need to go…" she told him.

"Yeah, I guess I should." Jim was feeling used already. That's all Ellie ever did, call when she needed help, use him, and then turn her back on him again. He didn't expect this time to be any different.

"Would it be okay, I mean, if …you want someone….I could…."

He looked at her sad but understanding eyes and knew that he wanted her with him, not just on the trip to LA but always. He needed her. He just wasn't sure that he was being fair to her. She needed someone better than him…_but she did offer_… "Yeah, I'd like that, if you could come with me." She smiled in response. "Then I'll need to pack and make some arrangements of my own."

Jim sat, overwhelmed by how easy she was. No questions, no doubts, nothing…just a simple 'if you need me, I'm here.' He remembered that he had been about to kiss her when the phone rang. He decided it was even more called for now. She responded to him warmly, pouring so many things into their kiss. He could feel her compassion and her concern, as well as her desire. She began to take over, her emotions dominating him as she told him things in the kiss that words would never express. And he surrendered totally, letting her have her say, reveling in her. _Oh God, please let this be real…and don't let me screw it up. _He needed her, needed to feel like he mattered to someone, needed an outlet for the grief he felt. And she was there…offering to be that person…

GOTTALOVETHATBRASS

Hmmm…so what's Ellie done now? Does she really want Jim to come or is she going to be a brat again? And what happens with Micha? More to come…just use the little button; yes it is down there still. Using the button makes my fingers type faster.


	12. Home Is Where the Heart Is

_**If you are underage, maybe you shouldn't read this….**_

As Jim looked at Micha, a feeling grew deep within that she was it…the person he'd been looking for, someone to love that would love him back, someone who could put him back together when he was broken, someone…who would be his soul mate.

The territorial male in him wanted her, needed to mark her, possess her, make her understand that she was his. He knew his feelings were a bit Neanderthal…old school, not at all in step with modern political correctness. _But hey, it's how I feel,_ he told himself. And as he looked at her, saw love and sincerity in her desire to be helpful, be there for him, he felt it was time.

They didn't speak a word as Jim guided Micha to his room. The only sounds he could hear were the wild tempo of his heartbeats and her heavy breathing. He knew she was nervous and watched carefully as she looked around his room at the surroundings. Her eyes fixated on his bed and she froze, still breathing hard. "Its okay, Baby, if you're not ready, just say so…" he whispered as his lips hovered near her ear. He heard her swallow and with a tiny whisper she answered. "No, I'm ready…its just…I…I'm not sure…I don't know…"

Jim pulled her into his arms and held her. "It's okay. We'll go slow, let things just happen. You'll know what to do when the time comes." He looked at her face, expecting fear but was rewarded with a shy smile and slight blush, completed by an expression of pure trust and adoration. "Let me just hold you for awhile," he offered, taking her hand and leading her to the bed.

He could see the excitement in her eyes…and apprehension. "I would…like that," she said tentatively. He took her hand and walked her to the edge of the bed and lowered her to it. Then he sat on it beside her. Positioning himself with his back to the headboard, he pulled her to him, wrapping her with his arms and holding her close to him. "How's this?" he asked quietly.

"Good," he heard her muffled voice sigh against his chest. He began to nibble at the top of her head, working his way down to find skin near her ear. He felt, rather than heard, her small gasp as she melted into him, moving her head to give him better access. His lips moved over the side of her face, just in front of her ear and then moved down to her neck. His hand roamed over her arm, his fingers gently stroking the length of it. He felt her tremors in response to his attention and he smiled inwardly, content for the moment, relishing the feel of her.

He still marveled at her interest in him, dubious about her judgment but slowly accepting that it was real. As they spent more time together, the shy, awkward girl-woman had slowly been replaced by a very intriguing woman. Her life had been such a difficult one, hurt and pain always her companion and yet it hadn't broken her spirit, her optimism and trust, brightening even his despondent soul and filling his heavy heart with hope. She was gorgeous, courageous, and full of faith in him, a faith Jim didn't believe he deserved. But in the depths of his heart and soul, he wanted to justify her belief in him, in them. And now she had said she'd go to Hell with him, because that was what the trip to LA would be…sheer hell. He knew she would help him emerge on the other side in one piece.

She snuggled deeper into him, her body melding to his as he continued to nuzzle and kiss. The sound of her soft moan as he nibbled at the base of her neck electrified him, igniting a fire deep within. She tilted her head, offering her lips, slightly open and moist, begging for a kiss. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as Jim lowered his head and took those lips with his own, worshipping her with his kiss. He could feel her heat rising, eagerness fueling her response to him. Briefly he wondered if he could keep up; she was young and passionate while he was…well, much older. It wasn't that he wasn't capable of the act; he'd proven that with other women. But, he knew he his fire didn't burn quite as hot as it once had, age and the abuse his body had endured taking their toll. All he knew was that he wanted her, more than any woman in years…maybe forever, and he needed her.

She surprised him by sitting up and slipping out of her top, exposing the delicate lace bra that covered her ample breasts. She blushed as she whispered, "I bought it for you." Jim grinned, his eyes drinking in the sight of her purchase, his mouth salivating over what lay beneath. He reached for the buttons on his shirt, but her hands covered his. "I…I want to, please," she said softly. He dropped his hands, swallowing hard as he watched her begin her task. Once the buttons were undone, she pushed his shirt off his shoulders, her fingers lingering on his shoulders. Then slowly, her hands moved to his undershirt, lightly skimming over the ribs of the fabric, sending tremors through him.

He moved his hand to unfasten her pants and felt her tense. Deciding she wasn't ready for that, he moved his hand down to her thigh, gently caressing her there. Her fingers were pulling at his undershirt, looking for skin. Gently he eased her back, laying her on his bed and then hovering over her. The lace of her bra couldn't quite hide the darker color of her nipples as Jim studied the pattern on her breasts. It also couldn't hide the fact that they were erect and hard. Her skin felt smooth under his fingertips as he traced her collarbone to where it joined its mate and then let his finger trickle down into her cleavage. He played in the gap between fabric and skin, just barely touching the rise of her mounds. The beat of her heart was apparent and with fascination he watched the rise and fall of her chest as she took deeper breaths. Glancing up, his eyes locked with hers in silent communication. She was at ease and enjoying his activity. She was also ready for more.

Jim traced the outline of her bra up to the strap, the palm of his hand brushing over her mound, creating an immediate response in her as she gasped and then her hips rose slightly. His touch excited her, he thought proudly. Gently, he eased her strap down and felt a twinge of desire run through her. Jim had no doubt that he could elicit a physical response from her, but he wanted to be sure that her heart and her mind was in this also, so he checked her face again, looking for signs of discomfort. Lust was weighing on her eyelids and her irises had darkened. _Oh yeah, she's into this…_

Hr repeated his motions, edging her other bra strap down and pushing the fabric of her cups down to her nipples. Even lying back, her mounds stood up, the soft mass unyielding to gravity. He took a deep sigh and then pushed her bra over her nipples, exposing the vibrant, flushed circles that would provide pleasure to their owner as well as Jim. Slowly he circled them with his index fingers, treating each with reverence and delighting as they strained to stand further at attention. Her buds stood out in the center, enticing and challenging, waiting for his attention.

Arousal hung in the air, both his and hers as Jim began his assault on her breasts. He felt her body tighten in response to his fingers and then his lips. Her hands went to his head as he slowly kissed his way around her mounds and then began to tongue her tips. He felt her fingers clinch when he began to suckle her nipples, clinching her buds with his lips and using his tongue to taunt them. The pounding of her heart was music in his ears as he continued his feast of her tits and he felt victorious when he heard her moan.

He lifted off of her enough to reach under her back to find the clasp of her bra. She arched into him, giving him the space he needed to work and soon, she was free of the garment. Using the opportunity, he glanced at her face again, just checking her expression. What he saw lit a raging fire within him, her adoration providing the fuel. She wanted him in a way that he'd never been wanted before. Even in the early days of his marriage, when he and Nancy thought they were in love, he had not seen a look like Micha was giving him now. And finally, he knew this was right. She was his and he was hers and nothing else mattered. "Oh Baby." His whisper was almost a sob as he pulled her to him and lay back at the same time, so that she was over him. He held her tightly, glorying in the joy of the moment, knowing that his heart had finally found a home.

She felt it too, he reasoned as she tried to burrow into him more. While this was physical and would most certainly end in sex, it was a spiritual joining as well. Whatever sexual desire Jim was feeling was motivated by his need to be closer, to physically act on the union of their hearts and souls that day. He held her and then began to nibble again, overwhelmed with the need to do something, anything to release the energy that had built within him. She must've felt the same because she began pulling at his undershirt again and didn't stop until his chest was totally exposed.

Jim was a little nervous as she pulled his shirt off. She was so perfect and he was so scarred. As her eyes travelled over him, drinking him in, he felt himself tense with trepidation. Her journey stopped at his right shoulder and he saw the frown. Her eyes darted to his and then back to his chest.

He watched as she began looking over his body. She found the scar from a knife fight back in Jersey and the surgical scar from where the Navy surgeon had removed his appendix back in 'Nam. She also found the scar from the bite mark that Nancy had made one night when she was angry and had bitten the shit out of him. Stitches had been required and he'd had heavy doses of antibiotics, as well. Her eyes continued to search and then she looked at his face again, still questioning. Jim sighed and sat up. "Okay, we might as well get this over with…" He turned slightly for her to see his back. "The scar up top is from where they did surgery to get the bullet out. It had lodged in a vein near the heart and just next to my spine. The back was easier access. And the scar further down and to the right is where I was playing hockey as a kid and another kid got me with his skate. Then Jim stood and loosened his trousers, letting them slide to the floor and then tossing them away. He stretched back out, his now only semi-hard cock visible under his shorts but his attention was on his leg. Pointing to one last scar, he explained. "That one was from me climbing the fence behind Mr. Jensen's store when I was ten. Another kid and I were planning to heist some snacks…run in the back and grab them and run back out before Mr. Jensen spotted us. But I slipped and ended up in the hospital getting stitches instead." Jim was grinning now, having ended the revelations on a lighter note, hopefully pulling her mind away from the darker stories of some of the other scars.

She was looking at him strangely and he wondered what she was thinking. _Oh come on, you know what she's thinking…you're old and scarred and a total screw up…._ Then suddenly, she stood and worked out of her own slacks. Then timidly she pulled off her panties. Jim watched in fascination, his cock hardening as he did.

"I um…had to have a lot of surgeries…after the accident," she told him as his eyes settled on the multiple scars that crisscrossed her lower torso, diving down into her pelvic region, cutting strips into her pubic hair. "When you were going to undo my pants earlier, I got nervous…I thought….I was afraid that…"

Jim pulled her to him. "Oh Honey…it only bothers me…well, because you went through so much." Then easing her back, Jim sat up. Starting at her beautiful hair and then working his way down slowly, he took in every inch of her. His eyes lingered over her face and then moved to her incredible breasts. Her skin was creamy and smooth, simply perfection. He loved the curves of her body from her tits down and her taut tummy and insie belly button was enticing, but he continued his perusal. Her apex was glistening with moisture, moisture he had created and he hardened again with the knowledge. Then he travelled down her shapely legs to her delicate looking feet. Shifting his gaze back to her eyes, he felt a lump in his throat. "Oh god, you are so beautiful…how can you want me?"

Her hand shot to his face, cupping his cheek, bringing a mix of fire and comfort to him. "You're the only one I've ever wanted. I know you don't think.., well, that you are right for me, that I should be with someone younger... but I've never felt this with anyone else. Your eyes, they tell me so much; they are beautiful…and I love the color. And your smile, when you actually smile, it fills me with…happiness. And you're a little cocky," she giggled. "I love it when you get cocky…"

Jim smirked. "You mean …like now," he asked, glancing down at his hardness.

Her eyes followed his and she blushed. "I um…I've never seen…well, except in pictures…it um…"

He recognized her curiosity. Taking her hand, he lowered it to his rod, silently giving her permission to explore. Her hand on him hardened him more and he took a deep breath as he fought his instincts to rub against her. Her eyes widened as she felt him, her fingers beginning to stroke the length of him. Then using her thumb, she rubbed his tip, spreading the moisture that was resting there. Jim sucked in air, straining to remain still as she sent waves of excitement through him.

"I've seen pictures in magazines…and online. But…pictures aren't nearly as …exciting as…you."

Jim chuckled. "What magazines and where online? You're not a closet porn addict, are you?"

She looked startled. "I um…well, Playgirl…and um…there was one for men but it showed…well…couples…you know…doing it. And there are sites online that show…it, too. There's one where the men are…huge. It kind of scared me."

Jim chuckled. "I suppose it would. Good thing I'm not huge then, huh?"

Her expression changed to eagerness. "Oh, but you are…large. Those men were…abnormal. You are…not as big but still…intimidating."

"Honey, it'll be okay. When you're ready, you'll find that your body…well, it…adapts."

"I've read that…it hurts at first."

"You know…we don't have to do this, Baby. I could be happy just holding you all night. If you aren't ready, I can wait. I don't want you to…well; it should be good for you, the first time I mean."

"As long as it is you, it will be …good. But, I just…I mean…you've been with…other women and I haven't ever…I might not be…satisfactory."

Jim frowned. "Not satisfactory? Micha, I've had my doubts…about me, not you. Honey, you're here, offering me one last chance at happiness…at something…real, something I could…count on…something better than just…sex. I want what this could be…what you could be for me…I want you…" Jim sighed. "I know you're new at this; in a way, so am I. I mean, it's been so long since I've been with anyone who…really mattered….but with you, I um…well, I think I'm in love, Baby, for the last time in my life…maybe the only time."

She hugged him, burying her head in his neck. He felt a tremor run through her and then wetness on his neck. "Baby?" he asked, pulling away to look at her. "You…love me?" she asked tearfully, full of uncertainty.

Jim smiled. "Yeah, I think I do…"

"No one," she sniffled, "has ever said that to me before."

"That's…wrong, so wrong. You should've been told that everyday of your life."

"I..um…knew I loved you when I first saw you. There was just something about you that…touched my heart."

Jim pulled her close. "So no more talk about not being…satisfactory, damn I hate that word. You and me, we're together now, okay. I'm not sure where or how far this is going yet, but I know I wanna be with you. I wanna hold you like this and love you, okay?"

"Okay," she sniffled and smiled shyly.

Jim wasn't sure where to go from there. Her innocence had him off balance, unsure about everything. But he didn't linger over the question because she took the lead, pulling him down on the bed as she laid back. "Show me," she whispered. "Show me how…to love you."

They went slow, Jim wanting to be sure her first time was good. He let her explore him, get comfortable with him. To his delight, Micha grew bolder with her touch and began to take matters into hand. He could feel his self control slipping as he gave into instinct, becoming more aggressive with his need for her. He reached into the bedside table for a condom but she stopped him. "You don't need it….I can't…have babies," she told him. "But there are other..." he began. "I don't want it," she told him. "I want to feel _you._" She tugged on him, pulling him back to her. Hovering over her, he began to rub his tip into her hot, wet folds. She arched towards him, surrendering and demanding at the same time. And then he slipped in, eliciting a moan from her as she gripped his shoulders, her fingers digging in. Jim stopped. "You okay?"

She nodded. Her hands moved down his back to his ass and then she pressed into him, lifting her hips and pushing with her hands at the same time, pushing him deeper into her. It caught him by surprise. "God Baby…oh geez…" he whispered as the sensation of her swept over him. He knew her cherry had been popped, felt her flinch when it happened, but she pressed him further. She felt so good, so tight, hot, and wet. Jim buried himself deeper into her until he felt like they were one, truly joined in every way. Everything else fell away, his grief, worry, and self doubt. He was home, complete, and he never wanted it to end. This was sweet and pure…happiness.

But nature took over and soon he was stroking into her, his heat rising and his mind swirling with lust and need. He could feel her beneath him, responding with equal vigor. He tried to hold out, to let her take her pleasure, but she was too good, to hot…too much and he exploded, emptying himself completely and then collapsing. He had left her hanging, he knew; and chanced a glance at her face. But he had forgotten that she didn't know what to expect. She was looking at him warmly, almost purring. "Baby, I'm sorry…you didn't…"

"That was…oh Jim…do it again…It felt so…good with you inside. I wish we could…," she giggled, "you know…do it all the time."

Jim smiled and then kissed her. "So do I Baby. But you didn't get to…I mean, I don't think you…you know…came…"

"I didn't?" she asked, surprised. "Well, whatever that was…it was…wonderful."

Jim smirked. "Well, I aim to please."

She seemed to twinkle all over. "Then you did good." He pulled her to him and she snuggled into him, sighing contentedly. "I love you," she said softly as he lay there, happier than he could ever remember being before.

SIZZLEBRASS

Sorry for the wait on the update. I was…polishing, lol.

Thanks to all who used the little button. I hope you enjoyed this one. More to come soon.

Oh, and the button hasn't moved; I just checked…hint, hint.


	13. Heading West

The drive to L.A. had been excruciating for Jim. He'd expected Micha to be her usually bubbly self, excited about a new adventure. But instead, she sat quietly, looking out the passenger window. Her silence frightened him. Maybe last night had been too soon…or somehow he'd screwed it up some other way. He didn't like the distance between them, with her belted safely in on her side of the car. He didn't want to pay attention to the road; he wanted to concentrate on her. He needed to touch her, feel her. But he drove instead, fighting fear, his needs and wants every mile. By the time they reached L.A. he was tired, worn out from his battle with himself. Besides, every mile that took them closer to L.A. put Micha closer to one of his biggest screw ups…well, maybe two, if she decided to count Annie in the list.

The morning had been spent making arrangements. He'd cleared some time at PD and she'd taken time off from her job. He'd taken Micha to her house to pack and then gone home to throw some of his things in a bag. He'd swung back by her house to load her in the car and they'd hit the road. Little had been said and the distance between them seemed to grow with each passing hour.

By the time they got to LA, it was too late to accomplish much about Ellie. They checked into a motel and then went to find a place to eat. Jim was nervous. What was she expecting, he wondered. Last night had been unbelievable but what now? And could it possibly last? …especially after Ellie…

Micha sensed his uneasiness. She was quiet but very attentive, reaching for his hand frequently, he noticed. _She thinks I'm worried about Ellie, but it's tonight that I don't know what to do with_, he mused. Once they'd eaten, he drove them back to the motel and their room.

It wasn't long before they were in bed with her curled next to him, her hand on his chest. He had his arm around her and she seemed content. Slowly Jim began to relax as he realized that it was he that was putting pressure on the situation. He let out a deep sigh.

"Jim, are you okay? I mean, you have to be worried…" she said softly.

"Yeah' I'm okay. But would you mind if… if we just…if I just held you tonight?"

She lifted her head and smiled at him. "I'd like that," she told him.

Lifting his hand to her face, he used his thumb to stroke her cheek. Then as he pulled her to him, he rolled to his side. She put her head down and followed his lead as he pulled her to him, rolling her on her side also. He wrapped his arms around her and she entwined her fingers into his as their hands met in front of her. Then wiggling, she moved back into him so that they were almost one. He fell asleep with her firmly in his grasp.

The next morning, they woke still in the same position. As good as it felt, Jim was stiff and needed to move. Swinging his legs around, he sat on the edge of the bed to let his back straighten up. Sleeping curled up on a strange mattress had created several kinks, a common problem for him as he got older. Just as he began to feel his back loosening up, he also felt hands on his lower back, gently rubbing. Jim sat straighter, unconsciously leaning back a little, into her hands. They snaked around, settling on his thighs and began to rub there. But the real heat came from the feel of her lips where her hands had been on his back. She left a trail of warmth around his lower back s her lips claimed his skin. Her hands inched slowly up, creating a tightening sensation in his groin until they found a new home on his cock. He heard her snicker from behind him as she discovered his morning hard-on, which was being encouraged by her attention.

Her boldness, even possessiveness of his body, surprised Jim. But it was a good surprise that he gave into wholeheartedly. He let her lead their morning lovemaking, surrendering himself to her manipulation…

_I'm givin' up myself to you but i didn't really lose at all  
I gave the only love i've known and it never hurt me to fall_

Now that it's done, so glad you won  
I know our lives have only begun now  
No more retreat, only my sweet surrender

The lines from the old song played in his head as she took him into her, enveloping him in her sweet heat. His release was euphoric, the worry fro the previous day dissipating as she took him to the summit and sent him over. She seemed to derive pleasure form commanding his body, making him hers in every way, manipulating and controlling his fever and then finally allowing his satisfaction. He coiled into her after she had finished with him, enjoying the serenity of the afterglow.

Finally he forced himself to get moving and the warmth of a hot shower replaced her much more satisfying heat. After breakfast he would head to see Annie and get the story. Micha was getting ready to go with him when he stopped her. "I think it would be better if you stayed here," he told her.

Disappointment flashed across her face as she worked to remain calm. "But why? I came to…to be there for you."

"Yeah, but I would be better if I knew you were here…not in the middle of…whatever Ellie has done now. It's not going to be pretty, whatever it is…I don't want it to…touch you."

Micha frowned. "It will _touch_ you, won't it?" Jim nodded slightly, sadly. "Then it will affect me anyway," she said determinedly. "I want to be with you, Jim…there for you. I can't…_do_ anything from here."

Jim sighed deeply. Then furrowing his brow, he shrugged "You can be here when I come back feeling….dirty from it all. You can make me feel clean again…maybe." His voice broke as he said it, revealing how deeply this was disturbing him.

Micha stepped to him, wrapping her arms around him, holding him tightly. "Okay then, I'll let you go alone. I won't argue with you because I understand how hard this is already. Just promise you won't try to hide things from me…let me in Jim. You aren't alone; you don't have to this by yourself."

His arms went around her automatically as he relished the feel of her, the feelings that she stirred in him, the idea that he was truly not alone. "Why were you so quiet in the car" he asked. She looked at him bashfully. "I've never been out of Vegas. It was…kind of intimidating to leave it behind…and…I was nervous, afraid I hadn't…that you weren't…satisfied."

"Oh Honey, you were…that night was… great." Suddenly he was overcome with an impulse to grab her hand and start running. He wanted to get as far away from this as he could, take her away from it and bury himself in her, focus only on her. But he knew he had to do this, had to try to save Ellie one more time. _But this is the last time,_ he vowed silently. _Enough already…she's gotta take some responsibility and …and what? Turn things around? Yeah, like it'll ever happen…_ Jim sighed, his hands moving away from his treasure. "If I don't get going, I won't be able to…I'd rather stay here with you, you know that don't you?"

Micha looked at him, love and concern pouring out of her eyes. A tiny smile worked at the corners of her mouth as she looked at him. "I…yeah, I'm beginning to believe it; that you…care about me…really care. I …would rather you stay too, but you have to do this. I understand…and I'm glad that you are doing this for her…it's one of the reasons that I love you."

Jim kissed her, his hand snaking to the back of her head and his fingers running up into her hair, working into her scalp. "I love you, Honey…and…thank you."

Quizzically, she looked at him and began to say something. But Jim interrupted her. "…For being here…not arguing about staying here at the motel…and for loving me...especially for that." Then he turned on his heels and left abruptly, knowing that if he lingered any longer, he'd never go.

He found Annie Kramer in her office. "Jimmy," she said as she stood up to walk around her desk and hug him. "I'm sorry, Jimmy…that the only time we seem to get together is when…"

Jim put his hand up to stop her. "Yeah…I should've come for a visit before this. You been okay?"

"Yeah, how about you?"

"Yeah, you know…the usual…" _Until lately._

He looked around her office. "You still got your job…no ill effects from my last trip out here to see you?"

"No. I um…still have the envelope in my drawer." Regret resonated in her tone.

"Yeah, I figured. It's okay. Not like Ellie did anything to fix things on her end…she's still making all the wrong choices, it seems."

Annie sighed. "Yeah…only this time is really bad. She's in the middle of a murder, Jim."

"It's not the first time," he said as he sighed. "She was in kind of the same place back in Vegas." He shook his head slightly as he remembered that case, so many years ago now.

"Yeah, but this time, she's the prime suspect, Jimmy. And the evidence keeps piling up. I got her a good lawyer, but she can't work magic and Ellie won't do anything to help herself."

"Yeah, okay…that sounds like her." He took a deep breath. "She's in lock-up?"

"Over at the city jail with the general population right now. Judge wouldn't give her bail…not that she could've made bail anyway."

"Yeah…and this time, I wouldn't have made it for her. I…um…well, my life is changing for the better and I'm not screwing it up over Ellie…"

"Changing?"

Jim thought he saw grief flash through her features. "Ah, yeah…I met somebody…and she's, well…she's pretty good for me."

"I'm glad, Jimmy," Annie said without conviction. "You deserve some happiness."

Jim eyed her thoughtfully. "Yeah maybe… finally I seem to have a chance at it and…it feels good."

Annie nodded. "Well, let me take you over to the jail so you can see Ellie."

"Yeah, thanks," he said as he followed her out of her office.

Jim waited in an interrogation room while the jailer brought Ellie to him. Annie was outside, he knew…_hoping I'll get a confession out of her?_ He shook his head at the thought. _No, she wouldn't use me like that…to make a case…at least, I don't think she would._ He looked around the room. It was pretty much the same as every other small boxlike interrogation room he'd ever been in. Oh, some were newer, cleaner…some had glass, like at PD in Vegas, and some had the old acoustical tiles, like back in Jersey. But under it all, they were all the same with only one purpose…make the suspect uncomfortable enough to reveal anything they knew about a case and best case, confess.

His head turned when he heard the latch on the door click. Ellie stepped in with a guard behind her. She hadn't changed much since the last time he'd seen her, dark hair and anger dripping from her eyes. "Daddy…" she cooed sarcastically. "You came to save me again!"

"Cut the bullshit," Jim snapped. "What's it this time Ellie, huh? When Annie first called I thought you got caught whoring again, but now she tells me there was a murder and you're in the middle of it…"

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Like it's the first time…" she muttered under her breath.

Jim's hand slammed down on the table. "Dammit, Ellie…you can't keep doing this…"

"Like I chose to get mixed up with that guy…"

"Yeah, you did when you chose the life you're in…to be plumbing, litter on the street…"

Ellie huffed. "So why'd you come? So you could rub my nose in it and spank me?" Her sarcasm was deepening.

It was Jim's turn to huff. "I came because…what else am I supposed to do, Ellie? I'm your Dad." She glared at him, arms folded over her chest tightly. "But this is the last time…I swear, this is it…no more. Annie helped me get you a good attorney and you are going to cooperate with her. And maybe we can get you through this …whatever it is, I don't even know yet…and then that's it. You'll be on your own from here on out. I love you and I always will but I can't keep doing this; it isn't helping either one of us."

"You love a little six year old girl in pigtails. You don't even know me!" She was yelling at him now.

"Yeah, I love that little girl…and the woman that she could be. I hate what you've become, what you've done to yourself, but I still believe that little girl is still there, wanting …"

"What? Her Daddy? I don't think so. She cried herself to death when he left …I'm all that there is of her."

Jim clenched his jaw. "So what happened? How did you end up here this time?"

Ellie sat in a chair across from him. "Who cares….I'm here and that's how it is."

"Damnit Ellie, I care. Let me help you!"

"You wanna help? Really? Okay then, you can do this for me…"

"What," Jim asked quietly, thankful that she seemed to be settling down.

"Go to CPS and get your grandson out of that place."

If she'd thrown ice water over him, Jim couldn't have been more shocked. He sat, stunned as her words registered in his brain. "Grandson…you have a kid?"

"Yeah, he's four. I didn't bring him to Vegas when you got shot because…well, I didn't know how it would be, what I'd find there. So I left him with a friend here."

Jim was still reeling… "Who…Who's the father?"

"Does it matter?" She looked at him nonchalantly. "Okay, a john, okay? Happy now?"

"Not especially…what's his name?"

"The boy or the john?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "The boy."

For the first time in years, Jim thought he saw embarrassment flush Ellie's face. "Jimmy…I named him after you." Her face was cold as she looked at him.

"You named him…for me? Why?"

She looked away. "Because…maybe there is still a little part of that six year old that…felt loved by her Daddy."

Jim's heart was being crushed in his chest, but he knew not to let it show. She'd played him before and he didn't want to be her patsy again. "Okay, so I'm going to CPS and get Jimmy Brass. Then what?"

"Cooperate or not, I'm going to be in prison for awhile. So I…I was hoping you'd…take him and raise him."

"Me? You want me to raise him? What about your mother?"

"I don't want her anywhere near him…ever. You got that…never!"

Jim frowned. "What...happened? I mean, you and she…"

"I found out about her…adventures; where I came from. It's too late for us but…I know you'll do your best for Jimmy. He deserves it…god knows, I'm no good for him. But you…with you, maybe he'll have a chance. Just please, don't be all Nazi with him…"

"Yeah, I get it…no cruisers at the Senior Prom…" Jim couldn't decide what he was feeling other than sad.

"So, you'll do it?" Ellie asked hopefully.

"Yeah, I guess I kind of have to, don't I? But…it'll be okay. I'll make it okay," he said, not even convincing himself.

Annie put him in touch with CPS. The boy was at a foster home in one of the suburbs. They'd have him at CPS headquarters late that afternoon. There would be papers to sign and Ellie would have to relinquish her parental rights for CPS to release the boy permanently. The attorney was working on the paperwork and would have it by the time Jim went to CPS later that afternoon. All he had to do was find a way to tell Micha…

JIMBRASSJIMBRASSJIMBRASS

First, many thanks to callih, yanukjc, and tova77f for consistently reviewing. I do appreciate all comments and reviews, but most especially those who do it with almost every chapter. Folks are still reading, according to the stats page, but for whatever reason choose not to comment. I'm not sure what to make of that. But reviews give me a clue about how I'm doing…if the story is interesting, where the holes are, and how I can improve. So if you have the time…well, you know the drill…

Meanwhile, I hope you are still enjoying and will continue to read.


	14. Intermission

Jim drove and drove, all over L.A. He needed to find something. It was important.

Stopping at a C Store, he asked the clerk, "have you seen any reviews…I'm looking for reviews. Don't you people in L.A. have reviews?"

Sadly, the clerk nodded his head negatively. "No, we don't. Reviews, are they like…you know, comments? They are a thing of the past, I think…"

"Yeah, yeah, comments…like that…" Jim answered.

"Yeah, well…we don't have those."

Jim hopped back in his car and drove some more. Using his cell phone, he called directory service. "Yes," he said when he finally got a real voice. "I need reviews. Do you have a number for reviews?"

"Reviews?" the voice asked. "Are they like operators? They are a thing of the past. Nah, we don't have 'em…"

Jim's phone went dead. He drove to the local Wal-Mart and scoured each aisle, looking for the desired items. Finally, he saw a Wal-Mart drone and asked, "Excuse me, where would I find reviews?"

The drone looked at him blankly. Have you tried Housewares?" he finally asked. Jim shrugged his shoulders. Another drone appeared and looked at him sorrowfully as the first one described Jim's dilemma. "Yeah, I'm sorry," the second drone said. "We deleted reviews last week. Haven't seen one since…" Jim left the Super Center dejected.

He pulled into a restaurant. "Looking at the menu, he furrowed his brow as he asked the waitress…"Do you have reviews on your menu?"

"No," she shook her head. "No reviews. But I hear they have comments over at the bar down the street. Might try there…"

Jim headed down the street to the Wordless Bar and Grill. Settling onto a barstool, he asked the bartender. "You got any comments?"

"No, we're pretty unremarkable here."

"Oh, so no reviews, huh?"

"Nope…but we do have some great Scotch, to help you through the drought…"

"Yeah, give me a double…"

Jim drank two doubles and then headed out, still in search of feedback. Finally, after no success, he returned to the motel. He opened the door to his room and looked around. Micha was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling as if she was looking for something. "What are you looking at," he asked her.

"I can't move…the writer isn't writing," she replied. "The writer says that review are required…" Searching the room, Jim gave up and finally stretched out on the bed. "I need a break, he told himself…

Sometime later, he woke from his nap. He looked around the room, his bedroom…in his house. "Wow, that was some dream…what a babe…but there was more to it. I wonder why I woke up from the dream so soon?"

Looking up he stared, as if looking for something. "Hey," he called out. "Ya gonna write anymore to this story or what? You've left me on my own here and I don't know what to do next…." When he received no answer, Jim shrugged his shoulders and rolled back over on the bed. "Oh well," he mumbled. "Guess the bunny's batteries ran out of juice…"

TIMETOGROVEL

Hope you got a chuckle out of the little interlude. The next _real _chapter will be up soon. This just came to me as I was checking for reviews or comments and I had to write it, lol. Okay, insanity break is over….back to the story.


	15. Sharing

Jim approached the door to their room heavily. The exchange with Ellie had taken a lot out of him emotionally and the news that she had a kid had been a serious shock. What was he thinking, agreeing to take the kid? He was too old to be doing this shit…But what weighed most on him was how Micha would take it. They were just getting somewhere good, still learning each other but opening up. And he was opening up to his feelings for her, letting himself feel…and she felt so fine…He was making his way from his car to the room when he realized that this thing with Micha …he really wanted it…long term.

She must've heard him when he keyed the door because she was waiting for him on the other side. As his eyes settled on her, he suddenly felt the weight of what he had to tell her, making him feel very tired…and old.

She stepped into him and hugged him, holding him firmly. Then she eased up on her toes to kiss him. And once again, he realized how much he needed her. She took his hand and began to lead him across the room but he stopped and turned her for another kiss. She nudged him back to a chair and kissed him as she pushed him into it. Jim wasn't sure what she was doing but he wasn't complaining. He was drowning in her kisses, losing himself in the feel of her, forgetting everything but the taste of her lips and her warmth.

Then suddenly she was on his lap, her legs straddling him. Her lips were still locked with his and his mind was in a swirl, his senses on overload, and he couldn't focus. It was as if he was under full assault and all he could do was surrender, capitulate to her barrage. Her hands were travelling over his chest as her lips intertwined with his, her tongue launching new salvos and mingling with his. His breaths became shorter and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest and hear it in his ears, amid her sounds of deep breathing and moans filled with desire. His hands launched an attack on their own, kneading her breasts, reaching for her ass, and encircling her waist. He wanted her, needed release for all of his emotions for the past two days, needed the refuge she offered. That and the feel of her on him was all he knew, all he wanted to know.

Then she shifted her weight, pulling away from him a little, eliciting a groan from him as her warmth left him. He could feel her hand between them, the back of it rubbing against the fabric of his pants, teasing his already throbbing cock. And then suddenly he heard a zip and felt her hand on him as she pulled him out, giving his rod a little squeeze, almost setting him off in her hand. Jim leaned his head back, closed his eyes, grunted and then moaned, "Oh Baby…please…"

He heard a little giggle from her and then opened his eyes to look into hers. The intensity of her orbs was mesmerizing and their eyes remained locked together. She wiggled again and then he felt her. She was settling back onto his lap but she had pulled her panties to the side, allowing his cock access. Blood rushed to Jim's head, both heads, and it was such a rush that momentarily he thought he would pass out. He felt himself slide between her folds, all of the muscles around his pelvic area tightening to support his thrust into her. She consumed him; there was no other way to describe how she enveloped him, her whole body surrounding him with fire. And in his need, he let himself be consumed, let her swallow him into her and wrap him into her loving cocoon, She was all around him, her arms encompassing him, her scent heavy in his nostrils, her breath warm on his skin. Slowly, she began to move, her hips pressing down into him, forcing him deeper into her.

Jim couldn't think, didn't want to; all he could do was feel. His head lolled back, his eyes closed in deep concentration as he reveled in her sensual assault. Her heard a whimper from her and knew that the fire was consuming her as well. Her motion became more hurried, a furor over taking them both as she pushed harder, propelling them both into a frenzy. All Jim wanted was to be able to thrust into her, but with her on him like that, he couldn't; he had to sit there and take it, let her set the pace, and wait for the inevitable.

His hands found her waist and he tried to lift her a little so he could drive into her but she was having none of it. She plunged back down and gave his rod a tight squeeze with her muscles, nearly setting him off. Then suddenly, she was pounding on him, her legs lifting her off enough to slam back into him, her ass slapping his thighs as she landed with each thrust. It was too much for him and as she landed again, his entire pelvis thrust upwards, his cock exploding, shooting everything he had into her. He heard her gasp and then a long soft scream followed as he felt her release, her juices flooding his still engorged cock, sending a new wave of warmth over him. Her muscles continued to convulse, sending erotic shudders through her, which he felt also. Then finally her body quieted although her breathing was still heavy. She rested her head on his shoulder, her arms still around him, comforting him. They sat like that for a long time, neither wanting to break the spell.

Finally, she lifted herself off of him. Standing on shaky legs, she giggled. "That was it, wasn't it? What you said I didn't do the other night…"

Jim smiled. "Yeah, I think so…in a big way." His voice was husky.

Looking down, she turned red. "Oh no," she whispered. Jim looked to see what she was reacting to. His pants were soaked with their combined fluids. He wouldn't be able to wear them again until they'd been cleaned. Grinning up at her, he teased. "I did bring another pair. But if you do that again, you'll have to buy me some new ones."

"Okay…deal," she said, her eyes twinkling. Then she disappeared into the bathroom. Jim stood up, also on shaky legs, and moved to the bed. He slipped out of his pants and shorts and was sitting on the side of the bed when she came back.

Micha sat next to him. "Was it bad?"

Jim looked confused. "What? No, that was…amazing," he said smiling, reaching for her hand.

Micha grinned smugly. "Yeah I know I was but that's not what I meant."

"Oh…" Jim said sadly as everything came crashing in on him. "Yeah…there's something we need to talk about…something I need to tell you."

She began unbuttoning his shirt. Then she slid it off and tugged at his undershirt until he was completely nude. Then she stood and stripped herself. Jim was enjoying the show but she had so totally depleted him a few minutes earlier that he couldn't respond physically and wondered where she was going with this little exercise.

She climbed onto the bed and leaned against the pillows. Then patting the bed beside her, she looked at him invitingly. Jim caught on and settled in next to her. "So…you were going to tell me…"

"Yeah, um…geez, you expect me to have a serious talk with you like that?"

Micha grinned. "Like what?"

"Ah…no clothes…"

"Well, you don't have any either," she shot back.

"Yeah, thanks to you," he smirked. She grinned. "I know, I'm bad."

"No, you were good, very good. How did you know…I mean, that I needed that?"

"I read it in a book…that men often find release from what is worrying them through…you know…sex," she said blushing. "And I read the …lap stuff in a trashy romance novel."

"Really?" His eyebrows shot up. "So what else have you read in trashy romance novels?"

"I'll read one to you sometime but for now, you had something to tell me."

"Oh…yeah. Well, I saw Ellie. She…well, she's not doing much to help herself. Seems she's in the middle of a murder case, a suspect. And she said even if she cooperates, she'll be in prison for a long time."

"Oh no…I'm so sorry…I mean, that sounds terrible."

Jim was quiet for a moment. _Yeah, my baby in prison…_ "Yeah…there's more."

"Okay, but first…did she actually kill somebody or is she a witness…or what?"

"I don't know. She wasn't giving out much information and after what she told me next, I was too stunned to look into it further. I guess that'll be what I do tomorrow, but this afternoon…I have to go to CPS."

"CPS?"

"Yeah, it seems…well, apparently, I'm…a grandfather." _There, I said it. I'm old…she'll look at me as old now…"_

"A grandfather? Is it a boy or girl?" She looked almost excited…happy. Jim was very bewildered.

"A boy; she named him Jimmy, after me."

"So she does care about you after all…"

"Maybe…or she did it as a ploy, a way to butter me up when she needed help."

"So, are you going to take the baby?"

"He's four…and I said I would. I don't know why I said it, but I did."

"But why wouldn't you?" She was frowning, perplexed.

"I'm too old for this. That part of life passed me by a long time ago."

"I'll help you," she exclaimed. Then she frowned. "…I mean, if you…want me to."

Astonishment swept over Jim. "You would? But why?"

Micha looked down at the bed, sadness settling into her face. "Be…because…it is the closest I would ever get to…having…your baby." She looked up at him hopefully.

Jim's insides were churning and his heart was melting. "Oh Honey, you would want that…my baby, I mean?"

"I…" she swallowed. "Yes, I do. I love you Jim and I …I…"

His hand cupped her cheek and he held her head so that she couldn't look away. Her eyes were sad, tears sitting in the lower lids, waiting to fall. "But you said that you couldn't…"

"The tears began to fall. "I can't. After all the injuries from the…accident and all the surgeries, the doctor said I'd never be able to have a baby. And it never really bothered me before, never meant anything …but now…I know that right now wouldn't be the time, but maybe later, if we…you know, stay together…I…would want that with you."

Tears began to form behind his eyes as he soaked in her words, her feelings on the subject. _Nancy never wanted kids with me, not really…not that it mattered…_

He remembered the day he'd found her birth control pills. It had been after a lengthy discussion about them having children, how he wanted several and she finally agreed to one or two. He'd given in, thinking that maybe he was asking too much. After all, it was her body and all…but he'd always wanted a big family. He'd felt so betrayed when he found the pills. And during the confrontation that followed, she'd yelled that she never wanted kids, not with him anyway. She could've stuck a knife in him and twisted it and the pain wouldn't have been as bad. He'd managed to put a lot of the pain of their marriage behind him, but that was one thing that never seemed to heal.

And now, here was this beautiful young thing telling him she wanted his babies. It wasn't possible and in a way, it hurt that this had come too late for him. But also, it took some of the sting out of an old wound. At least there was someone who wanted his babies. As he understood her sorrow, he realized how much he'd wanted kids, how much it hurt that his onely one wasn't really his.

He pulled her to him, embracing her and holding her tight. "Oh Honey, that would be…something special, you know…"

Sitting up abruptly, she looked at him squarely. "But…I could…I mean…If you wanted…"

"I'd like your help with him, at least for now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about him long term. Until she dumped this on me, I was planning…well, sort of a different long term."

"Really? You'll let me help? When do we pick him up? Where's he been?" Her excitement was contagious and within a few minutes, she actually had Jim looking forward to getting the kid. Suddenly, he didn't feel so old anymore. His mind wandered as she chattered about what they needed to do to be ready for the boy. _How does she do it, _an inner voice asked_. How does she take you from complete despair to total happiness? You can't let her get away, you know. You have to do something about this…_

_BRASSMAN_

Hope you enjoyed. Drop me a line and let me know, please.


	16. Jimmy Brass

The CPS offices were depressing. It didn't take the detective in Jim to see that there were too few case workers and too many cases. He and Micha were sitting across the table from Ed Tuggle, Jimmy's case worker. Ed was explaining Jimmy's living conditions with Ellie. Jim's stomach was turning. The boy had been left with various people to babysit, none of them capable of looking out for themselves, much less a child. Most were addicts of one kind or another. Consequently, the term Ed was using in reference to Jimmy was 'neglected.' Jim's insides continued to do flips.

"Also," Ed continued, "apparently his mother was still on drugs during the pregnancy. We checked the hospital records and Jimmy was born addicted to cocaine. Frankly, Mr. Brass, it's a miracle that Jimmy is alive and seems healthy enough. The doctors tell us that there may be learning difficulties that surface when he starts school. Our psychologist says that for now, the main concern is his emotional health. He's had a rough start to life. Thankfully, there seems to be no signs of physical abuse, but he is undernourished and starved for love and attention." Ed paused to let everything sink in with the child's grandfather and the woman that was with him. Mr. Brass hadn't really explained who she was, but Ed's practiced eye told him that she was his latest squeeze. _Wonder what she sees in him? Maybe he's loaded…_

He leaned back in his chair and slid his bifocals off, setting them on the table. Ed had seen it countless times, older men hooking up with younger women to feel younger themselves, _as if banging someone half your age is gonna help_, he thought. Still, he could understand Brass's attraction; the girl was pretty. _Sad thing is, she's into him…the way she looks at him…geez, what does she see in the old bastard. I mean, the daughter is a tweeker/hooker and the grandkid is gonna be trouble. What kind of bastard lets his daughter work the streets anyway?_

Jim sighed as he absorbed everything. "So, you're telling me that the kid has emotional problems, will have learning problems, and will be susceptible to drug addiction in the future? Is that all?" He knew that he was being sized up, could almost read Tuggle's thoughts. _He thinks I'm a bastard, letting Ellie lead the life she's been leading…if only he knew…and I wish he'd quit looking at Micha like that…one more perverted look and I'm gonna put him through the wall._

"Well, yeah…pretty much," Ed said. "Now, CPS is granting you temporary custody but a judge will have to sign off on anything permanent. We need to investigate you further before that happens." _Wonder what we're going find under your rock…_

"Yeah, well…I'm pretty much an open book. Investigate all you want. Most of my life is public record anyway." _Shit, more questions…and they'll probably uncover every stupid thing I ever did…_

Ed glanced at Micha and Jim caught the look. "Ms. Hunter is a part of my life as well, but you won't find anything there to concern you."

"Yes, but…if she is going to have a major influence, then we need to look into her as well." _Oh yeah, wouldn't I love to get a closer look?_

Micha looked from Jim to Ed and back to Jim. "Then what do you need to know about me, Mr. Tuggle? Because I plan to be a huge influence on Jim, which means I'll be one for Jimmy too." Jim's head shot around, his eyes locking on her face. "Yeah," he said abstractly, "we're …um…a package deal, you know? If Jimmy comes to live with me, then he'll be living with Micha too." The expression in Micha's eyes changed, softened, as she got it. Jim thought she probably understood what he was telling her better than he did.

"Okay then," Tuggle said. "Let me get Jimmy for you. Please spend a few minutes here, getting acquainted before you take him away. Everything in his life is changing almost minute to minute right now and he needs time to adjust to you."

_Yeah, tell me about it…_"Yeah, okay," Jim answered as he watched Tuggle walk away. Then turning to Micha, he smiled. "You understand…I'm not just asking you to move in…"

She nodded that she didn't.

"Oh hell, this is a shitty time and place for this but…" Jim took a deep breath. "Micha Hunter, will you marry me?" Jim tried to stay calm, to not let his fear show, but he was scared shitless. _What if she says no…geez, what if she says yes? _But he sat, staring at her, full of hope anyway.

Micha's eyes began to twinkle. "Really Jim? You really want to…I mean…oh, wow…I…" she stopped herself and then blurted, "Yes!" Tears were threatening and Jim knew he'd better act fast to stop them. He took her hand and used his other hand to wipe her tears away. "I love you, Baby. Whatever happens, just keep that in your head…I love you," he told her quietly.

She opened her mouth to respond but Tuggle chose that moment to reappear with Jimmy. Jim knew instantly that he was Ellie's kid. He looked just like her, well…at least like she did at that age. _Wow, he's beautiful…is it okay to call your grandson beautiful?_

"This is Jimmy," Tuggle said. "And Jimmy, this is your grandfather…"

Jim smiled and tried to stay calm, moving into his "kid mode." "Hi Jimmy…"

The boy stood, glued to his spot next to Tuggle. He looked at Jim with huge, dark eyes and then glanced at Micha. Nothing registered in his expression, however, as he sized them both up. The tightening in his chest was killing Jim. Slowly he moved towards the kid, squatting in front of him to be eye to eye. Smiling, he tried again, speaking very softly. "You look like your mama…" Jim said. Jimmy just stared at him. "Do you know what happened to your mama?" Jim asked, trying to get a read on the kid. Jimmy shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, okay…" Jim said, frustration rushing to the surface. _Gotta can it…the kid's having a tough enough time… _"Hey look, since Ellie can't…look after you right now, what do ya say to coming to stay with me?"

Jimmy's eyes moved slowly from Jim's face to the space behind him, where Micha sat watching. "Yeah, this is Micha. She's my friend and…well, she'll be around a lot. She'd like to help me look after you, okay?"

Jimmy looked back at Jim. He swallowed and then spoke very quietly. "You gonna poke her? Mommy's boyfriends poke her and then they give her money…"

_Poke her…what the hell? _And then it clicked, what the boy was talking about…_shit, she brought guys home and…right there in front of him, she…shit. _"It's different with Micha and me, Jimmy. You see, she and I are going to get married…and we'll be a family."

Something in the boy's eyes changed and where there had only been darkness, Jim thought he saw light. "A family?"

"Yeah, you, me, and Micha…would you like that?"

"I dunno," Jimmy said. "Like a real family? Mommy told me that her, Erin and Laney and Sissy was our family…but that's not a real family."

"Well, yeah…we'd be a real family, a little different than most families but still…it'd be the three of us…always. Okay?" Jim's knees were starting to complain but he wasn't about to move. He just hoped he'd be able to get up when the time came.

Jimmy glanced up at Tuggle and then over at Micha. "Could we get a puppy? I always wanted a puppy, but Mommy said I couldn't have none."

"Well, yeah…that would be okay, I guess. But you have to help take care of it. And…maybe we take a little time to get you settled before we get one, okay?"

Jimmy's eyes lit. "Yeah…and I'm gonna name 'em Scooter 'cause…I dunno…'cause I like the name."

Jim chuckled. "Scooter? Okay, that sounds good… So, you ready? We're going to stay in a motel for a few days but then we'll go back to Vegas, to my house."

Jimmy looked at Tuggle. "Is it okay if I go with them?"

Ed Tuggle smiled. "Yeah Jimmy. It is real okay…"

Jim stood and looked down at the boy. "So, how we going to do this? You want to hold my hand or something?"

Jimmy thought for a moment and then answered. "She's prettier….I'll hold her hand."

Jim chuckled. "Yeah, she is prettier. Mind if I hold her other hand?"

"No, that's okay," Jimmy answered as he stepped over to Micha and grabbed her hand. Micha was surprised but took his hand in hers and squeezed it, smiling at him warmly. Jim marveled at her calmness. Gone was her shyness and constant blushing; she seemed comfortable with the boy.

Jim smirked at her and grabbed her other hand. "Okay then, let's get out of here and find something to eat. I'm hungry." He shook Ed Tuggle's hand and thanked him and then led his little family outside to his car. _Man, you're all in now…_he thought as he climbed in behind the wheel.

Jimmy became animated as they approached a McDonald's. "Could we go there?" he pleaded, bouncing in the back seat. As Jim watched him through the rear view mirror, he realized there were some things he needed to buy, starting with a child safety seat.

"Yeah, we can stop here…" he answered, his stomach already kicking at him. MickeyD's wasn't his idea of good food, but he wasn't in a mood to deny the kid anything. Understandingly, Micha reached across, her hand encompassing his as she gave him a gentle squeeze. The smile on her face was worth everything, he decided. He'd eat at MickeyD's everyday if it would make her smile at him like that.

After eating, Jim found a Toys R Us and pulled into the parking lot. Glancing in the back, he saw that Jimmy's eyes were huge. "We going in there?" he asked excitedly.

_Uh oh, he's gonna want everything in the store…_"Yeah. There are a few things we need to buy." Jimmy said nothing, just smiled out of his window as Jim parked the car. Once they were out of the car, Jimmy immediately grabbed Micha's hand, pulling on her arm as he excitedly bounced, full of anticipation.

Once inside, Jim located the area where car seats were sold and walked his little family in that direction. Glancing down, he saw Jimmy's huge eyes, sparkling as he looked around. They quickly selected a booster seat and then Jim led them to the toys. Jimmy seemed awestruck, Jim thought, as he looked around at the toys. "Mister," he said tugging on Jim's pants, "do ya think that I could…maybe play with some of them?"

Jim looked suspiciously at the boy. "What toys do you have at home?"

Jimmy's face fell. "I gota car…and a color box, and I gota bear, but he's broke…his stuffing came out."

"You miss your bear?" Micha asked.

"Uh-huh…but Mama said he had to go in the trash anyway 'cause he's broke."

Micha looked at Jim and he caught her meaning. "Let's take it aisle by aisle and pick out a couple of toys for you," he said.

Jimmy's face lit again and he began to grin. "Okay." Micha and Jim followed as Jimmy slowly made his way down the first aisle. He touched almost every toy within reach, almost reverently. Inwardly, Jim groaned as he realized the kid hadn't had many toys. Jimmy stopped at the Hot Wheels display and eyed each car carefully. Micha giggled as she watched the boy bounce, just as she'd seen Jim do when he was excited. Jim shot her a quizzical look and grinned, which made her giggle more. Jim's eyebrows furrowed, as he wondered what had her so tickled. He had a feeling he was the object of her humor but he didn't mind…looking at her, he felt like giggling too. Looking back at his grandson, Jim told the boy he could pick four cars. He didn't know why he decided on four, but it seemed like a good number. If he didn't put a limit on it, he knew he'd buy one of every car for the kid.

They picked out a small set of Duplo Blocks and a few books. Jimmy spotted a Tickle Me Elmo and latched onto it. Jim rolled his eyes when he heard the doll giggle. "I think I'm gonna hate this thing," he told Micha. Then his eyes landed on something else among the stuffed toys. Reaching into the shelf, he pulled out a bear. "I remember these," he smiled. "Ellie had Bedtime Bear but this one's a better choice for you," Jim said as he handed it to Micha. She looked at the tag, "Love-A-Lot," she smiled. Then looking at Jim suggestively," she added, "but Bedtime Bear might be good too…"

Jim's heart was swelling again as he smiled at her. "Yeah…maybe, but Love-A-Lot covers it better, I think…'cause it's the way I feel." They stood, eyes locked in a world of their own for a moment, until Jimmy tugged on Jim's pants again. "Mister, could I have a…a…one of those?" Jimmy pointed to a Big Wheel.

"Tell ya what, kiddo…we'll get one when we get back to Vegas. There's no place to ride it where we're staying."

"Okay," the boy's face fell.

"Really," Jim assured the boy, "first thing when we get to Vegas…" Right now, Jim would give the kid anything he wanted. It was pretty obvious that the kid had a bleak life. Ellie was always one step away from disaster and hadn't done anything to provide a decent life for him. As Jim watched the kid, he resolved to do everything he could to change the kid's prospects in life.

As he stood, looking at his grandson, he felt an arm wrap around his and a gentle squeeze. He tuned and gazed into Micha's eyes, her expression encouraging. Jim knew the next few days…months even, would be a huge challenge; he also knew she'd be there with him through it all.

_BRASSBRASSBRASS_

Okay, while most who responded seem to understand the humor in my little intermission, one did not. Apparently groveling turns people off. Have to confess that I don't like begging either, but it seems to get more response. I'm going to try a little experiment here and not beg for reviews and simply say that I hope you are continuing to enjoy. I'll see what kind of response that gets.

We're in a little lull in this chapter and probably the next one too so that I can get things set up for what comes down the road. It's in my head but not written yet. I promise that it will be interesting….well, at least I think it will be.


	17. Settling In?

Back at the motel, Jim called the desk to request a cot for the boy. Jimmy pulled some clothes out of his backpack and went to the bathroom to change. While he was out of the room, Jim turned to Micha. "You okay?"

"Yeah, but…are you sure about this, Jim? I mean, if I need to get another room…"

Jim shook his head, stopping her. "No. No way…I mean, we probably shouldn't…you know…get too…friendly, but I want, need you with me."

He watched as she relaxed, tension seeming to flow out of her body. "He's beautiful, Jim. Does he look like your daughter?"

"Yeah, he does," Jim said as he glanced at the bathroom door. His eyes are darker and he's kind of skinny, but otherwise, he's a boy version of Ellie."

"You're good with him…"

"Maybe. But he's in love with you," Jim smiled. "Can't say that I blame him…kid has good tastes…"

This time she did blush. "Takes after his grandfather," she shot back.

Before Jim could say anything more, the bathroom door opened and Jimmy emerged. He was wearing an oversize t-shirt. "That's what you sleep in?" Jim asked him. The boy nodded. _Need to pick up some pajamas for him,_ Jim thought.

There was a knock at the door. Jim opened it to find the desk clerk on the other side with a roll-a-way cot in tow. They pulled it in and pulled off the bed linens and pillow that had been stacked on top. After the clerk left, Jim unfolded the cot and Micha helped as they made the bed. "You'll sleep here," Jim told Jimmy.

The boy climbed on. "Mister, can I have Elmo?"

"Yeah, but there's something we have to talk about…" Jim answered as he handed Elmo over. Jimmy looked up, questioning, eager to do what this man said because he gave away toys. "…you really need to call me something besides Mister. You know, I am your granddad…"

"Yeah…my Mama's Daddy. Mr. Tuggle told me."

"Yeah, so how about Granddad, or Grandpa…or something?"

"Okay…I'll 'member…Grandpop." The boy grinned mischievously. Jim chuckled. "Yeah, you're Ellie's kid alright, little smartass."

Micha leaned down and pecked Jimmy on the head with her lips. "I love it…"

"What do I call you?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know…" she answered, glancing at Jim. Your Grandpop and I are getting married, so I guess that means I'll be like your grandmother…"

Jim grunted. "You're too young to be a grandmother…"

"Well, we'll think of something…" she told Jimmy. "Unless you'd just rather call me Micha?"

Jimmy looked at her thoughtfully but shook his head no. "Real families have a Mom and Dad…or grandpop and granny…but Grandpop said you too young to be a granny…How old are grannies, anyway?"

Jim chuckled…"Old, really old…almost as old as grandpops," he said as he turned his affectionate gaze on Micha. "Micha is way too young …"

"Then why she's with you?" Jim looked back at the boy, who was asking the same question that he'd been asking himself for days. "I dunno, kid…maybe 'cause I'm finally getting lucky in my old age," he answered truthfully.

As he studied the boy, Jim was once again struck by how much he was like his mother…in a little boy sort of way, of course. Jim's mind flashed back to when Ellie was the same age and treasured memories flowed through him; memories of her running to greet him when he came home from work, of a lazy day meandering around the zoo, a trip to the shore, Christmas and a trip to get her picture taken with Santa…days when he could almost believe the kid was his and forget Nancy's betrayal…days when he almost felt loved…

He felt a soft hand on his back and glanced to his side to see Micha's puzzled expression, followed by one of empathy as understanding crossed her features; she was feeling his pain. Mentally, Jim shook free of the memories, the pain, her therapeutic touch easing his ache, her presence taking the sting out of old wounds.

He hadn't told her his whole story, only bits and pieces and yet, she knew how deeply he'd been hurt, how the wounds still festered, the poison still seeping from them and infecting his life. But here she was, young and fresh, untainted by his poison, and believing in him. _Selfish bastard, you're gonna poison her too…_But Jim knew things had gone too far with her; he'd never give up what she was giving him now. He needed her too much. He'd die before he'd let her go.

She must've read what he was thinking because she took his hand and led him to the bed. Then turning to Jimmy, she smiled. "It's bedtime," she said. "We've all had a long day. We'll see you in the morning, Jimmy." Then she reached over and turned out the one lamp that had been on and nudged Jim to get in the bed. He complied and then felt her slide in next to him, her arms extending around him and binding them together. Her breath was hot on his skin as she whispered. "I love you, Jim." Jim grunted contentedly but she wasn't finished with him. "I love those expressive blue eyes that tell me everything, and I love your laughter and worry lined face…they reveal your passion. Then there's your big ears and nose that suggest something else big about you…as does your huge heart. I love your hands, the way they feel on my skin…what you do to me when you touch me. I love that you love me…no one else ever has. You see through all the scars and pain and love who I am…"

"Yeah, like you see …" Jim started to answer. But Micha stopped him. "Shh… I'm talking now…" Jim chuckled, "okay."

"I think you are always so busy worrying about what might be wrong between us to see what is right, Jim. You're the only person that's ever taken the time to see me... not the story, but me…You accept the story as a part of me but understand it is not who I am…and I know your pain…know that even though it is a part of you, it is not who you are. Besides, my dreams tell me that we've been together forever… You know why your marriage didn't work, Jim? It didn't work because she wasn't me…You might have loved her but she wasn't who your soul was searching for, just as no other man will ever be for me, I am the only woman for you."

Jim thought about his own dreams, the ones with her through so many different time periods. _Could it be? _Jim wasn't one to get bogged down in spirituality or mysticism, but there seemed to be a karma about them. _Were we really together through all of those times? Is she really my soulmate?_ One thing he did know, when he was with her, he was happier, more at peace than any other time in his life. _This is good; you finally hit the jackpot, Jimmy boy…you finally got something right. _He cleared his throat. "So, um…you're rally going to …marry me?" He knew the answer put fear still lurked deep in his heart, making him edgy.

He heard her sigh. "Yes, dumbass, get it through your thick head…I love you and you are mine, forever."

Jim was taken aback somewhat by her directness, but pleased as well. Jim settled deeper into her embrace. _Yeah dumbass…_Jim chuckled. "I can tell you're blushing, even with the lights out…" He knew she would blush after calling him dumbass; it was her way. She kissed him softly. "I am…you know me too well…"

Jim moved his arms to envelop her. "As soon as we get back, we're doing the deed…okay? I want you with me everyday of my life…"

"Yeah…I like that…" she purred.

They stayed curled against each other, feeling warm and loved, whole.

Little Jimmy Brass laid quietly on his cot, listening to the soft murmurs of his new family. This was different than being with his Mama. He loved her but…this was nicer. Some of the men she brought around weren't very nice and his Grandpop was. Jimmy liked him, liked the way he talked to him, liked the way he bought toys...and even took them to McDonald's. And the lady…she was very nice and she smiled a lot. His mama and her friends didn't smile so much. And even though they were talking and he heard his Grandpop chuckle, it sounded nice…not like the sounds that Mama's boyfriends made. Jimmy Brass knew that his Grandpop and the nice lady wouldn't keep him awake at night.

Jim Brass was thinking nice thoughts too. _Maybe this is going to work after all. He's a sweet kid. How, I don't know. God knows, Ellie couldn't have been much of a mother…but she is thinking about what is best for him. She's trying…gotta remember that. _

He listened to Micha's breathing as she drifted to sleep in his arms. _She's the best part of all of this. Geez…this feels so right. Who'd have thought? _He nuzzled into her hair and gently kissed the top of her head, which came with the reward of her moan. It was a nice moan, Jim decided. Besides, it made her snuggle into him more and he liked that. _She smells good. I wonder what shampoo she uses…or is it just her? _He suddenly became emotional, tears flooding into his eyes as the magnitude of her swept over him. Looking up, towards the ceiling, he whispered a quick but heartfelt thank you. Then he rolled over and burrowed into her, seeking her special warmth that he was beginning to believe really was just for him.

Hmmmm….Brass as a teddy bear…..

Hope you enjoyed and didn't think it too sappy. I promise more action to come soon. You know the drill. Let me know what you think, please.


	18. Missing

The next day, Jim left Jimmy with Micha at the motel and headed to see Ellie again. This trip, he planned to get the story out of her. He needed to know how deep she was, what she had done that she thought she'd be in prison. _Dear God, please don't let her be a murderer…_He couldn't bear the thought of his precious baby being a killer…even if she wasn't acting so precious.

Soon after his arrival, he found himself in the same room as before, seated across from his daughter. "So did you get him?" she asked, hopefully.

"Yeah…he's fine…back at the motel. He's a cute kid, Ellie. Reminds me of you…looks like you."

"Yeah, he's a real teddy bear," she said wistfully.

"He um…well, I think this is hitting him pretty hard, you know…trying to get used to me and…well, not knowing what all is happening."

"Yeah," she said sadly. "But you'll make it okay…"

Jim smiled somberly. "I'm gonna try, Ellie. I promise I'll do the best I can for him."

"Yeah…thanks."

"So, how are you involved in all of this…whatever this is?" Jim waited for her to answer. Patience with Ellie wasn't a strong suit, but he was determined to keep his frustration on low, to give her a chance.

"Dad…you can't fix it. Why even try?"

The despair in her voice caught Jim by surprise. His heart clinched. "Because…I have to…for you…and Jimmy"…_and me…_

She sighed, her whole body seeming to deflate. "I um…well, business wasn't going so good…after Jimmy and all. I'd taken a break after the appearance of the baby bump…didn't go back to work for a couple of months after he came. But…I don't know…it wasn't the same. But I needed money. So I…well, there was this dealer that I knew… and…"

Jim leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Ellie…" he said sadly, somewhat disapprovingly.

"Well, like I said I needed money…had to feed Jimmy and all…"

"Yeah," Jim grunted. He swiped his face with his hand and then rubbed the back of his neck. "So…you hooked up with a dealer…"

"Yeah…he cut me in for twenty percent on everything that I sold. But I didn't know who he worked for…"

Jim studied her closely. She was actually nervous. "So who'd he work for?"

"Frankie Cordero. He um…he's like a…a local drug lord or something…"

Jim sighed. This was sounding worse and worse. Hooking up with a simple street dealer was one thing but one tied so closely to the source was dangerous. Ellie looked at him, almost daring him to say something so he kept his mouth shut and waited for the rest of the story.

"Anyway…Frankie Cordero was working with a drug trafficker that was moving stuff up from Mexico. Frankie was supposed to take his share out of the shipments and move the rest on…out of the country to Europe. My friend, Rick, he was one of the mules and got me to help him with it."

"Kind of like you were doing for that trash back in Vegas?" Jim asked quietly.

"Yeah, only this was too big for balloons. We were moving it by the truck load. Rick and I posed as a couple…for some reason couples seems less suspicious, I guess." Jim rolled his eyes. There were so many things to say running through his head, all of which would have shut her down, so he held his tongue. "So, you and this Rick are driving around in a van or something, that is loaded with …what? Coke?"

"Yeah, mostly…" Ellie shrugged. "But then Rick decided to take some to sell on the side…"

"Oh shit…" Jim leaned back, the air rushing out of him. "Damn Ellie, …and you stuck around? Why didn't you get the hell away from him, far away?"

"I…should've," she conceded. "I just…wasn't thinking."

"Okay, so I take it Cordero found out about it…."

"Yeah, and so did his boss. They killed Rick and made it look like I did it. But my lawyer says she can make some of the evidence go away in the jury's mind. You know, create reasonable doubt…"

"Okay…"

"But she can't make the drug charges disappear, so I'm going to prison."

"Yeah." Jim thought for a moment. "Have you offered to help with the investigation of Cordero and his accomplices?"

"I asked her about that but she said the D.A didn't seem interested. I don't know enough. Besides, if I did turn on them, I'd be dead anyway…so prison sounds pretty good for me right now."

"Yeah, I see your point. Well, look…I'm gonna check into this and…"

"No Dad, don't. These guys are…well, pretty bad. And I need you there for Jimmy. Besides, they might come after me…or Jimmy even. Please, just stay away from it."

"I'm just going to ask a few questions with the local authorities… won't do any real digging. But I've gotta know who this Cordero is…what he is capable of. I have to know that he'll leave you alone if you stay quiet. And…I have to know he won't come after Jimmy."

"Yeah, okay…but I think he'll leave Jimmy out of this as long as I don't rattle his cage."

"And you? Who'd to say he won't get nervous later and try to get to you in prison?"

"He might, but I really don't think so…. Hopefully, he'll move on to other deals."

Jim found Annie in her office and closed the door. She looked at him curiously. "What's up, Jimmy?"

"I um…need to know what you know about Frankie Cordero…"

"Frankie Cordero? Geez…is Ellie involved with him? Damn Jimmy…"

"That bad, huh?" Jim sighed.

"Yeah, he's into about anything illegal, drugs, prostitution, we think he was behind a string on heists a few moths back, and we know but can't prove he's ordered hits on some rivals."

"A real sweetheart, huh?"

"Yeah. Jimmy, _is _Ellie mixed up with?"

"What, you looking for a snitch? Well, it won't be Ellie. I can promise you that. She's decided she's not talking and wild horses won't pull it out of her."

"Even if we offer her a good deal?"

"Her lawyer's tried that road. Besides, she's worried, Annie. Afraid this Cordero will come after her…or her kid. Honestly, I was a little surprised that she's trying to keep him in the clear…after everything I know about her…life, maternal instincts seem … I dunno," he shrugged, "….a stretch?"

"Oh Jimmy," Annie said sadly. "Despite her…lifestyle, she's got a good foundation. You…you showed her…right from wrong, you know. She's made bad choices but…"

"Right," he grimaced. "I showed her…nothing…how to disappear…how to be someplace else when my kid needed me."

"You're here now, Jim…and you've been here before…and before that from what you told me. When are ya gonna realize that isn't all your doing? Nancy made her choices and so did Ellie. They both know you're a good man…and they used it to get what they wanted outta ya."

She was crushing him with her words. He didn't want, didn't need to hear that he'd been played…not now. Right now, he needed help. He needed this Cordero guy to lay off, leave his family alone. And as he looked at Annie, he wanted Micha…wanted to touch her, feel her warmth, the peace she brought him with her love."

"Frankie Cordero, Annie? How do I get him to lay off?"

"You get the kid outta town. And if Ellie stays quite, I don't think he'll move on her. But I'll check with Vice. They know him better. If I find anything out, I'll call you, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks," Jim said as he turned to leave. _Okay, no help here…_

Jim headed back to the motel, stopping by a drive-in to pick up lunch for them. He pulled into the slot in the parking lot and headed towards the door to their room. As he approached, the hairs on his neck began to tingle, his radar for trouble alerting his senses. The door wasn't quite closed and he went into entry mode. _Damn, gun's in the car…_He wanted to charge in, find Micha, but his better sense took control. He ran back to his car, tossed lunch on the seat and retrieved his piece from the glove box.

He approached the door cautiously, listening. Hearing nothing, he eased the door open slightly. Scanning the room through the slit in the doorway, he saw that the room was a mess. Taking a deep breath, Jim prepared to enter. "PD," he called out as he shoved through the door. A quick glance behind it confirmed that no one was there. His eyes swept the room, taking in the upheaval. Slowly, he inched further in, visually checking anyplace that a perp could be hiding. He was nearing the bathroom when he saw her, Micha, on the floor. He checked the bathroom quickly and then kneeled next to her. She was unconscious, an ugly bruise forming on her cheek and another on her neck. She was curled in the fetal position, tears still wet on her face. "Micha," he said fearfully. When he got no response, he checked her pulse and let out a deep breath when he got one. _Jimmy, where's Jimmy…" _his head flew up, his eyes scanning the room again for signs of the kid. Just then he heard sirens. He took Micha's hand in his. "It's going to be alright," he told her. "It's going to be okay…it has to be, Baby. You're my heart…you gotta be okay"

He heard sounds behind him, cars pulling up and stopping, shuffling feet…and then, "LAPD…FREEZE."

Jim knew the drill and complied. Once they'd all gone through the motions and he'd established that he was LVPD, the tension in the room began to ease, all but his. The paramedics were working on Micha and it was all he could do to stand back. A detective was there, asking him questions and getting a description of Jimmy. Jim was doing his best to focus, concentrate on his answers, but a part of him was lying on the floor and he couldn't keep his eyes off her.

He saw the medics talking to each other and a nod of agreement. As they loaded her onto a gurney, he broke away from the detective and pushed past everyone to get to her. "Where are you taking her," he demanded.

"You can ride with us, sir" the paramedic told him. He didn't hesitate to climb into the ambulance. Jim wasn't letting Micha out of his sight until he knew she was okay. A voice was telling him he should stay behind, help the detective look for Jimmy, but Jim was almost insane with fear for Micha. The detective had a good description. There wasn't much he could do to help anyway, Jim reasoned. But maybe she would need him, when she woke up. He knew he needed her, to see her with her eyes open, to know she was going to be okay.

The ride wasn't long and he walked with Micha as she was wheeled into ER. Jim stood nearby while the doctor checked her over, his hands in motion, flinching and flexing, rubbing his neck and his brow. Relief swept through him when he saw Micha beginning to move and as a nurse stepped away, Jim could see that her eyes were open.

He swallowed and fought back tears as she looked at him and winked, a small smile forming on her lips. The tension in his neck began to abate and he felt his heart beat again in his chest as he realized that she would be okay. _God, I love that woman…_

The doctor didn't miss her antics and looked across at Jim, then motioned him closer. "You are...?" he inquired. "Jim Brass…uh…she's my fiancé," There, he'd said it, told someone…Micha Hunter was his fiancé…the love of his life…his better half. Micha Hunter was his…

"I'm Dr. Miller, Curt Miller. She's going to be fine. She has a nasty bruise on her face and a slight concussion. Her throat will be tender for a few days where it looks like someone tried to strangle her. That she was unconscious worries me a little. I want her to stay here tonight so we can monitor that, but by morning she'll be good to go. And within a few weeks this will just be a bad dream."

"Yeah, okay Doc…our room is a mess anyway. She'll probably rest better here."

Dr. Miller laughed. "Obviously you haven't tried to sleep in a hospital…"

Jim remembered his most recent stay in a hospital, when he was recovering from being shot. The first few days he'd been out of it mostly and sleep hadn't been an issue. But as he got better, it did become one. "Yeah, actually I have…and I get your meaning," he smirked.

Looking at Micha he spoke softly. "I um…I'm going to see that you are all settled and then I should check back and see if they found Jimmy. Okay?"

"He broke into the room, Jim…he hit me and knocked me down and grabbed Jimmy. When I tried to stop him, he put his hand on my throat and…well, I suppose I passed out… But yes, you go find Jimmy. He was crying…so upset…" Micha was crying as she finished.

"Okay Honey. If the police send over a sketch artist, do you think you could help him…give him a good description?"

"Send him." Her jaw clenched with determination. "I want to help…"

An hour later, Jim was on his way back to the motel to talk to the detective. By then, he'd called Annie, who met him at the motel. She assured Jim that the detective in charge of the case, Jared Clark, was good and would do everything possible to find the boy and whoever took him.

"It had to be one of Cordero's boys," Jim told her. "Cordero is behind this; I can feel it."

"Maybe, Jimmy. But don't do anything crazy, okay? Don't go off on your own and get yourself cornered…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I won't. But I have to find the boy."

"Alright then…a sketch artist is on her way over to the hospital. Maybe your…Micha can help narrow the search."

"Yeah…" But Jim's mind was already on how he would tell Ellie that the boy was missing. _Damn…I screwed this up too…_

GOTTALOVEJIMBRASS

Okay, so what happens next? I think I know, do you,lol….


	19. Lost & Found

Jim had returned to the motel and was talking to Detective Clark when the detective's phone rang. "Clark."

Jim watched as the man nodded and then flashed a look at Jim. "Yeah, we're still at the motel…bring him here." He flipped the phone shut and then looked back at Jim. "One of my guys thinks he's found your grandson, Captain Brass. He's bringing the kid here now. It should take about five minutes."

"Really, they're that close?"

"Yeah, he said he found the kid behind a dumpster a few streets over…"

"Behind a dumpster? So, the perp didn't get him after all?"

"Well, we're not sure it is your grandson yet…"

_Grandson…I'm a grandfather. Still getting used to that one. Shit…I hope it is Jimmy. Please God, give me this last chance…_

The door opened on the cruiser and a boy bounded out, heading straight for Jim. "Pops," he called as he leapt for his grandfather. Jim caught him and held him tightly, swearing he'd never let the kid out of his sight again. "Jimmy…you okay?" he asked hoarsely, not caring if anyone noticed the tears that had stuck in his throat.

"Yeah, that man…he hurt Poppy and then he made me go with him but I runned away. I hid until the policemen came."

"Poppy?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, you know…you're Pops and she's Poppy." Jimmy's earnestness tickled Jim. And he supposed the kid had found his name for Micha. _Sort of fits, I guess…_"Is Poppy okay? He hurted her bad…"

"Yeah pal, she'll be fine. She's at the hospital, where they are taking good care of her. She's really worried about you though."

"Can we go see her?"

"Yeah, I think she'd like that." Jim shook Detective Clark's hand and then taking Jimmy's hand, they headed to his car.

Poppy was indeed happy to see Jimmy. "You're okay?" she asked.

"Yep," he told her confidently. "I runned away from that bad man."

Jim leaned against a wall as he watched his family. Jimmy had really taken to "Poppy" and she seemed to be taken with him, as well. _I need to get them away from here…away from Ellie's mess._

But Jim wanted to look into the mess. It had been a bold move, going after Jimmy. It seemed like Cordero was scared of what Ellie might have to tell. Jim had a sick feeling that if he didn't bring Cordero down, Ellie and Jimmy would never be safe. But first, he had to be sure Micha and Jimmy were taken care of.

Once Jimmy had settled down, Jim closed in on Micha, needing to see for himself that she was truly okay. The bruise on her face had worsened and the marks from the attempted strangulation were more defined. "The sketch artist had a CSI with her. I gave the best description I could, but the picture isn't quite right, Jim…close but…something is off and I can't decided what it is. The CSI measured the marks on my neck and said it might help solidify the case if they ever find the guy. I don't know that I was much help though," she said, obviously upset.

Its okay, Honey. Nobody expects you to solve the case for them. But you gave them a couple of pieces to the puzzle…" He held her hand, not sure if it was to comfort her or him.

By the next morning, Annie arranged a new hotel room, a suite actually, with around the clock police watch. She put herself in charge of the detail. Jim wasn't sure how he felt about that; he wasn't sure he wanted his former lover anywhere near his current one. But he needed Annie's help; his only other option was to take Micha and Jimmy back to Vegas. Ellie could be dead by the time he got back.

They were standing down the hall from the hotel room. He'd brought Micha there from the hospital and she and Jimmy were sleeping. Two detectives, one male, one female were in the suite with them. Glancing down the hall to the door, Jim asked Annie, "so these two are trustworthy?"

"The best Jimmy…"

"Yeah, of course. I just…" he sighed, letting some of his fear dissipate finally. "Look, I um…I need to find out more about this Cordero guy. I need him out of action…or at least…I dunno, just to leave my family alone."

"It's Ellie he's after Jimmy…you're taking this personally… like he's after you."

"He's after the people I love…so it is personal," Jim growled. "Look, I can go this one alone as long as I know you've got things covered here."

"You're gonna get yourself killed Jimmy. What good is that gonna do?"

"If it'll make Ellie safe…and Jimmy, then it'll be okay. But I don't plan to let it happen."

"You're playing a dangerous game, Jimmy."

"Yeah, I know. But I have to do it. You can stay away if you want to, but I'm going to do this." Jim was adamant. He could see Annie reconsidering. "Okay, I'll help as much as I can but as far as the department is concerned, this protection detail is it, Jimmy."

"Thanks. It's all I need." Jim glanced back at the door. "I love her Annie. I finally found what I've needed all these years and…"

"I've seen the way she looks at you, Jimmy. She'll be here when you get back."

"Yeah. Just…"

"I know, take care of her….I will."

Jim started to turn, to walk off but he hesitated. "Look Annie, I um…I mean this is kind of …"

"Awkward?" She chuckled. "Yeah, it is. But it'll be okay. Our chance…well, it was a long time ago. …, we were good back then, together I mean, but…it was then. Now…we're friends."

"Thanks," Jim said, sighing with relief. And then he was gone.

Jim went back to the jail to talk to Ellie. "How do I find this …Frankie Cordero?" he asked his daughter emphatically.

"Dad, you can't be serious? You can't go after him…" Ellie's face revealed her terror at the thought.

"Ellie, he came after Jimmy. I gotta stop this guy. I'm not going to try to take him down but I want him to understand you're not a threat…."

Ellie glared at him. "No….stay away from him. Take Jimmy and go back to Vegas."

"But he could come after you and in here…you got no chance." Jim's heart was breaking as he talked with his daughter. It was killing him that she was here, that he couldn't help her…not really.

"I'll be okay. I just…I need you to get Jimmy away from here. I'll be okay if I know he is safe."

"Yeah…I get it….but I'm not leaving until I know you're not going to leave here in a body bag. These guys are dangerous, Ellie."

"Yeah…like I been teliing ya."

"So where do I find him?"

"I don't know…" Jim looked at her with disbelief. "Really, I don't," she said in a pout.

Jim sighed. "Okay then…" _How am I going to find this guy?_

"Look, there's something else…"

Jim looked at her suspiciously. "What?"

"Mom was here with…the sperm donor."

Jim was beginning to believe he'd never get the knots out of his neck or his gut. The sperm donor….that meant she knew the whole story; she knew and she was still calling him Dad, wanted him to raise her son…"O'Toole? She had O'Toole with her? How'd she know anyway?" The knot that had formed in Jim's gut began twisting.

"I think my lawyer called her to get some background. And yeah, he was here with her. Shit Dad, how'd you keep from killing him? He's a real bastard."

Jim grimaced, acknowledging the truth of her assessment and sad that she had such a low opinion of her parents, all of them. "Yeah…"

"She asked me…about Jimmy. I told her that I asked you to take him and it really pissed her off. Please Dad, don't let her near him."

"You sure? I mean…."

"I'm sure," Ellie said quickly. "Especially if that jackass is with her. I want him to be with you Dad. I want him to grow up…clean."

"Oh Ellie, I'm hardly clean…" Years of guilt flowed through him.

"Yeah, you are. You screw up sometimes, but you…own up. I wish…" she sighed, tears forming in her eyes. "I wish I'd paid more attention…you know, to …how you did that. I always blamed everything on somebody else. It's how…I ended up here."

"But you're stepping up now, Ellie. I um…well, I'm proud of that…"

She looked deep into his eyes. Jim wasn't sure what she was hoping to find but she was searching. Finally, she spoke. "I …that means…a lot to me that you are proud. I've made such a mess of my life…and I always felt like I was…a disappointment and now…well, by the time I get out, it'll be too late for me. That's why it's so important to me that Jimmy gets a chance…I'll have gotten one thing right, at least."

Jim could feel tears trailing down his cheeks. "Don't think that, Ellie. Don't ever think it's too late. And…if anyone was a disappointment, it was me. I shoulda been there for you more. Look eventually you'll get out and we'll…we'll figure something out…"

"Yeah," she said, unconvinced. "In the meantime, just keep Mom away." She looked down, furrowing her brows. "I um…always tried to blame you but…you did the best you could. I mean, no one can blame you for not wanting to be around…a bastard kid that your wife tried to pawn off as yours…."

"Ellie…" Jim was sick with grief. "I never…thought of you that way. I mean, yeah…I was pretty pissed at your mother, but you…you were…a little angel. You claimed my heart the first time I held you, just after you were born." He was fighting to contain his emotions. He needed her to know how he felt, but he still didn't quite trust her.

"Yeah…then I grew up…" she said forlornly. "And I didn't understand…why things were the way they were and I got pissed." Shadows of her former anger played across her face. "And it seemed like…well, I mean, Mom was there, the one I depended on," she said sadly." But I…I never understood why you left. I thought that you didn't love me anymore…" she cried. Jim couldn't remember seeing her cry in years. "…that it was me that you were leaving…"

Jim wanted to hold her, reassure her that he did love her. He wanted to wipe her tears away and tell her everything would be all right. But he couldn't. The guard wouldn't let him be that close…and he couldn't make that promise. Things were not okay; they might never be okay again…ever. But he did reach across the table to hold her hand. He saw the guard shift his weight but ignored it. He needed to find a way to let Ellie know that he still loved her, had always loved her.

"I'm sorry, Ellie. I had to get away…but I should have found a way to …to be there more for you…to make you understand. I've always loved you; I always will. Nothing you do will change that." He paused for a moment, trying to decide what to say next and went with what was uppermost in his heart. "I know you hate this but…you'll always be my little girl, the apple of my eye…" Stopping, he swallowed. Then continuing, "You know, back in Jersey when things looked the worst, when my whole world was dark…you were the only thing that kept me going, that kept me trying …" He squeezed her hand gently. "When I'd look in the mirror and saw what I was becoming, it wasn't me that I wanted to fight for…I wanted to fight my way back because of you. I didn't want you to see me like that…"

Ellie looked up, eyeing him thoughtfully. "But...then you left…"

"Because I was drowning. I wanted to have you come visit a lot but your mother wouldn't let it happen. So, I settled for the occasional holiday and week or two in the summers. And I tried to go back a few times, but…I could feel the darkness trying to swallow me when I went back and all that happened was your mother and I argued the whole time."

"Yeah, I remember…"

"So, you do what you need to do, Ellie. And while you're away, get your head together…maybe take some classes; they offer those now in some places. And when you get out, maybe we can try again?"

Ellie nodded. "Yeah…maybe." She looked at him longingly. "Why did you…you know…try to ignore the sperm donor and try to be my father?"

Jim felt a jolt of anger flash through him as he remembered those bitter days when the truth of Ellie's paternity became clear. "I _am _your father, Ellie. Good or bad, I am your father. There are a lot of things I doubted…regretted from those days, but you are not one of them, you get me," he asked emphatically.

Ellie nodded as a single tear worked its way down her cheek.

JBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBJB

Hope it wasn't too mushy. I promise more action but also some more mush...oh yeah, and did I say action....well, you know as in _action! _(wink, wink)


	20. While We Are Waiting

Jim left the jail wondering where Nancy was staying. Then another thought came…_what if it was O'Toole that tried to grab Jimmy? _He headed back to the hotel to try to get Jimmy to give him a description one more time.

"Jimmy," Annie said as he walked into the suite. She walked over and guided him away from the others. "We gotta talk…."

"Yeah, I was just with Ellie and…"

"No, listen…one of my detectives just called and the FBI was just at Headquarters. They're looking into the whole case. Seems Cordero has connections with a Mexican drug cartel and Ellie's case caught their attention. Seems he's been moving drugs, using people like Ellie, through the country for this cartel. But the thing is…they suspect one of our guys is involved."

"A cop?" Jim asked, incredulous. "Oh no…no, no…."

"Yeah…but a Fed…not one of mine."

"A Fed? Like FBI?"

"No, ICE."

"ICE? As in Immigrations and Customs Enforcement?"

"Yeah, they think the connection is out of San Diego. Anyway, they're looking into it and want us to stay hands off."

Jim's stomach was churning. Obviously this Cordero guy was worse than he'd imagined…and one of their own was involved somehow. If they thought Ellie knew anything… "Ellie…we gotta get her out of that jail…."

"No…listen….the FBI is taking charge of her safety. She'll be fine. They're taking her someplace else until the trial. But you gotta stay away from Cordero, Jimmy."

Yeah…okay…I get it…but there's something else"

"What? Annie looked relieved that Jim was backing away from Cordero.

"Ellie said that Nancy is here with… Mike O'Toole."

Shock blanketed Annie's face. "You're kiddin' me…"

"No…and I want to get Jimmy to describe the bastard that took him; it could be O'Toole. Ellie said Nancy was asking about Jimmy."

Wow…that's….unexpected. Yeah…see what you can get from the kid."

Jim walked into the bedroom and found Micha on the floor with Jimmy. They were building with the Duplos. She looked up at him, over Jimmy's head and smiled. All the tension melted out of Jim as he looked at her, taking in her smile. He clinched his jaw as he fought the emotions that were overwhelming him as he looked at her. All the cynicism of his adult life fell away and he felt as young and vulnerable as his namesake that sat across from her. He took a deep breath and pushed aside his desire to tell everyone to leave and then lose himself in her. _Geez, I want this to be simple…to just be with her…_

Just then, Jimmy looked up at Micha and then turned to see Jim. "Pops," he grinned. "You back."

"Yeah pal, I'm back." Jim sat on the foot of the bed, close to him. "Listen, I need to ask you to tell me about the guy that took you away before. Can you do that for me, ya think…huh?"

"Uh-huh," Jimmy said nervously. "he was big…and he had more hair that you." Jim heard the soft giggle that erupted from Micha and rolled his eyes. _Everybody has more hair than me… _"And his hair had some white in it. And…and his face was scratchy and…he had a big nose. He hurted me when he was holding me around my tummy."

"If I showed you a picture of a guy…you think maybe you could tell me if it is him or not?"

"Uh-huh…maybe."

"Okay then, I'll get a picture and we'll see what you think. We'll see if Poppy recognizes him too."

Jim left to ask Annie to get a picture of O'Toole from Jersey. Jimmy turned back to Micha, a tear running down his cheek. "Why he won't…" the boy took a deep breath. "You love me…hold me…"

Micha's eyes narrowed as she decided how to answer. "He wants to be sure that man doesn't hurt you again, Jimmy. He'll spend more time with you when he knows that man can't hurt you. It…it's his way of loving you…"

"He a policeman, they su'posed to keep me safe." The boy looked sad.

"Yeah, but since it is you…it is especially important to him. He loves you, Jimmy but this is all kind of new to him, just like it is to you. He'll hold you and love on you but, he needs to be sure you and your Mama are safe first."

In the other room, he and Annie were talking quietly. "What are you going to do if it is "O'Toole?" she asked.

"I umm.." he wiped his jaw with his hand. "Beat the shit outta him…Ya think I could get away with murder?"

"Justifiable homicide?" The amused tone in her voice was unmistakable. "It might work…"

"Yeah," Jim said as he glanced towards the door to the other room.

"He's a cute kid, Jimmy…"

"Yeah." Annie smirked at his stance, his feet square underneath him, balancing on his toes slightly. He was anxious, antsy to get back to them. "Go on, Jimmy…go be with them. I'll let you know when I get a copy of O'Toole's picture."

"Thanks," he said as the corners of his mouth turned slightly, almost breaking into a grin. "…for everything," he said with emphasis before disappearing behind the door.

"So, what you two building," Jim asked as he stood inside the doorway.

Jimmy looked up, grinning. "A tower," he said excitedly.

Jim moved back to his place at the foot of the bed. "That's cool…"

Jimmy stood up and edged towards his grandfather. "Yeah," he said, standing with his toes touching the toes of Jim's shoes, his little head down but his posture full of expectation. Jim was a trained observer; it didn't take much to understand what the boy wanted. He reached over and scooped the boy up, settling the kid in his lap. "Really, it is," he told Jimmy.

Jimmy leaned against Jim, curling into his chest. "You gonna catch the bad guy, Pops. And then we going to your house?" His high pitched voice was full of anticipation.

"Yeah, then we going to my house…you, me…and Poppy over there," he answered, holding the kid tightly.

"Pops…I going to stay with you…forever?" Jim felt a tremble in the boy as he asked the question. Jim squeezed him and asked, "Would you like that?" "Uh-huh…you not like…those other men and Poppy smells good." Jim chuckled. "Yeah, Poppy does smell good. And what other men?"

"Mama's friends. They mean sometimes…but mostly, they just don't like me." His tone was sad, defeated. Anger churned in Jim; a little kid shouldn't feel those things already…not as little as Jimmy was. "Well, forget those losers. You're going to play with other kids and got o school and learn things…and Poppy and I are gonna love you til you can't stand it anymore…okay?"

Jimmy grinned up at him. "Okay."

The three were settled on the bed, watching an old movie on TV. Jimmy was in the middle, cradled between Jim and Micha. Jim felt Micha looking at him and he glanced over, his lips pulling into a small smile. Then she looked down at the boy's head. Jim looked down too and realized the kid had fallen asleep. His eyes travelled back to Micha's face, where he saw mischief.

Carefully, she slid out of the bed and walked around to slide in on Jim's other side. Sliding in beside him, she closed in, her body melding with his. Jim's body reacted immediately and he used his arm to pull her closer. "What are you thinking?" he said huskily.

"You know what I'm thinking," she murmured.

Jim's chuckle was deep but soft. "You realize I've had more action in the last few days than I've had in several years. You're gonna wear this ole man out…"

"Old men aren't up to the action you've had these past few days….or what you're going to get when we have a room to our selves again."

Jim groaned. "You're trying to make me crazy, aren't you?"

"Is it working?" she asked lightly.

"Yeah…it is." Then looking over at Jimmy, he shrugged. "Unfortunately…."

"I've missed you though…" her tone was very suggestive and her foot was traveling up his leg.

"Ah…yeah…um, me too…" he answered, his mind more on where her foot might be going.

"No, I mean…you know…inside…"

His intake of air echoed through the room. "Oh geez…um….yeah…uh…."

"I like it when you are…" her finger was travelling down the side of his face. "…buried in me…." Her finger played behind his ear, teasing him unmercifully. "You fill me up, you know…" Her hand was moving down, gliding over his polo and headed south. "…make me…hot and …wet." Jim wondered if the air conditioning was working in the room as he responded. "Yeah, you um…feel…oh geez….great, Baby…you know…when…" She'd found her target, her hand cupping him. He just about jumped out of his skin when she squeezed, which made her giggle seductively. He looked down at her hand, watched, fascinated as she began to rub his length through his slacks. But he was very aware of the boy in the bed next to them. "Honey, please…the kid…you know…"

"Yeah….okay. I'm sorry. I just….I've missed you." She began to pull away and Jim felt like a piece of him was being torn away.

Jim shifted. "Bathroom," he said throatily. "What?" she asked.

"Bathroom," he repeated looking at the door.

She stood and walked towards the door with Jim right behind her. Once they were both in the small bathroom, he closed the door and then turned, pinning her against the wall. Finally, he could give his emotions free rein. His mouth found hers and his hands began to pull at her clothes. She, in turn, was working on his. The sounds of zippers and deep moans echoed in the little room as they divested one another of their clothes. And then he was in her, keeping her pinned and holding her up slightly, so that he could get access. It was crazy, frenzied and raw as he mauled her breasts with his mouth. Her hands were all over him, sending shivers through him as she claimed more and more of his real estate. He tried to slow down, tried to give her more time, but she was too much and he began to thrust, each motion pushing her into the wall. Each thrust elicited a grunt from her but she whispered in his ear for more. "More Jim…give me more….I want you…all of you"

Jim thought his head would explode; the pressure inside it was so strong. All of his senses were in overdrive, focused only on her, her sounds, her smell, the feel of his cock gliding along the smooth silk inside of her. She was so wet…so hot…. He could feel her fingers clawing at him, his back, his ass…all over and her mouth was trailing hot kisses and sucking his skin from his neck down onto his shoulder. He was crazy with need… his most basic, primal instincts driving him further and further until he began to feel her spasms, clinching and releasing, squeezing and the flooding him with her nectar. The smell of her orgasm filled the room, setting his nostrils on fire and suddenly, even in his need to pump into her, he needed to taste her too.

Her release had weakened her; she was like putty in his grasp now. Moving one hand away and using the other arm to brace her, he reached for her heat. He could feel where his cock was buried in her and swiped her folds from his cock forward, filling his fingers with her sweetness. Then bringing his fingers to his mouth, he broke a kiss to suck in her juice. Her eyes widened as she realized what he was doing and then flamed again as he reached for a second helping. His second swipe ignited a spark and she let out a long salacious moan. Her muscles began to tighten around his cock again, which sent him into another frenzy of thrusts. Jim didn't know how much longer he could hold her up or how much longer he could last, buried so deeply inside her pulsating heat. Suddenly it was a moot point as she began to spasm once again, her own body responding to his and taking command, forcing them both over the precipice and into the sweet oblivion. Jim felt like his entire body was exploding as he released his ammunition, pounding and thrusting, shooting his essence deep into her. She took it all, everything he had and squeezed him, her core begging for more.

Jim had never had a woman respond to him like that before. Oh, he knew how to give a woman pleasure and how to receive it too but this….this was…_Oh geez…sweet Jesus…_he thought as their bodies continued to spasm and jerk through the cooling down process. His cock was still semi-hard within her and he never wanted to come out. "Oh Baby," he murmured as he wrapped her body in his arms, holding her as close as he possibly could. The cool air of the room on his back was a contrast to the warmth that emanated between their bodies, still joined, although Jim knew it wouldn't last much longer… She cooed and purred in his hold, pressing against him as much as she possibly could. And then he felt moisture on his chest…_tears? _"Micha?" he asked as he tried to angle his face to see hers. "Honey?"

She lifted her head slightly and nodded. "I'm oaky…it's just…that was so…it…overwhelms me… I wish we could…"

"Yeah, Baby…I know," he whispered. "Me too. That was…amazing."

"Yeah. When you…when you do that it …you are…oh, it's just…beautiful."

Jim was stunned. And then he began to chuckle. "I've guess I've never thought of a horny sweaty old guy as being beautiful," he said softly.

She flushed and then giggled. "Guess it depends on your side of the fence…from where I am, it was beautiful…and you are…unbelievable."

"I could say the same about you, you know." He nuzzled into her, his cock finally dropping out into the cold air of reality. "Ohhhh," she moaned. "And I liked having it there so much…" Jim reached around and swatted her gently on the ass. "Don't worry, we'll be back."

"Soon, I hope," her eyes gleaming,warming Jim's soul.

JIMBRASSJIMBRASS

I hope you liked this little bit of "action". Action of a different sort coming soon to a fic near you, lol.

I know of one person who is still reading, anybody else out there?


	21. Confirmation

Jim stepped out of the bathroom, leaving Micha to shower. He wanted to check on Jimmy. It upset him to find the kid curled in a ball in the bed, crying.

"Hey kid, what's going on? Why you crying?" Jim settled on the bed close to the boy, wondering what had set the kid off.

"I had a bad dream and then I heard you in…there and it was like…when Mama and her boyfriends…and…I got scared."

"A bad dream? What was it about?" Jim was struggling, trying to sound calm but he knew the boy was hurting.

"The bad man…he took me…and in the dream he hurted me real bad and then…I heard Poppy and you and…she's gonna like you better than me and….you're gonna go away like all Mama's boyfriends and then where will I go?"

"Come here, pal." Jim patted the bed beside him. Jimmy scooted over next to him. "First place, I'm not one of your Mama's boyfriends; I'm your grandfather. That makes you part of me…just like your Mama will always be part of me. I know this is all new to you and confusing, but…I'm not going away, kid. You're going to live with me and I'm going to take care of you until you are all grown up and ready to take care of yourself, okay?"

Jimmy nodded. "Okay…" Then he glanced at the bathroom door.

Jim took in a sharp breath. He and Micha had acted stupidly, selfishly and the boy was hurting. "Look, Micha loves you…or she's learning to anyway. She likes me better 'cause she's known me longer and…well, it is different between Micha and me than it will be between Micha and you. She cares about you in a different way. As for me…I love her, Jimmy. You're too young to understand all the things that go with that…a man falling in love with a special lady, but…I need her with me and she's agreed to that, so we're going to get married as soon as we get back to Vegas. This isn't like your Mama and her boyfriends. There will never be another woman for me and…I think Micha feels the same about me. So, there's nothing for you to be scared about with this, okay?"

Jimmy didn't look convinced.

Jim chuckled. "Yeah…it's a lot to understand….but just keep remembering that Micha and I love each other and we both love you…and together, we're going to be a family. Can you do that?"

"But…you poked her…did you give her money? Mama's boyfriends poke her and leave her money and then go away."

Jim grimaced. "No Jimmy. And …what your Mama was doing, letting so many guys…do that…it was all mixed up. The thing is…well, it's called sex and some people do it because they think it is fun but it doesn't mean anything. But …if it is with someone who is really special, it is …well, like part of you is missing when you are apart and when you are together, with the special person, it is like you are whole. It is beautiful and…wonderful. When you've had that…been with some one really special, like Micha is to me….then the other isn't all that much fun, kinda boring actually….empty."

Jimmy looked royally confused. Jim sighed. "Look, we'll have this talk again when you are older. But for now, just keep what you know about guys…poking girls…to yourself, oaky?"

"Like a secret?"

"Like a very big secret. But if you have questions…you come to me with them…nobody else, just me, okay?" Jimmy nodded in agreement. "You love Micha?"

"Yeah kid, I do…very much. She's like…my life."

Just then the bathroom door opened and Micha stepped into the room. Jimmy looked up and giggled. "Pops said he loves you."

Micha smiled and looked tenderly at Jim. "That's good because I love him."

Jimmy looked at her thoughtfully. "Why you love him?"

Jim chuckled. He understood the kid's question even if Micha's expression suggested that she didn't. Jimmy was a little in love with Micha himself, so it seemed obvious to him why Jim would love her. But the boy didn't see anything loveable about his Pops…at least not in that way.

Micha studied Jim, smiling. "Well…" she drawled. "He's very good to me…and gentle. And …he makes me feel…special. And your Pops is a strong man, Jimmy….a good man. And he's added so much to my life, including you." She was gazing at the boy now, her smile brightening the room.

Jimmy looked from Micha to Jim and then back. "He says you special. He says that you are his only woman."

Micha began to giggle. "Yea, well…I'd better be." Her eyes settled possessively on Jim, who looked sheepish. "Bet on it Baby…"

There was a knock on the door and Jim walked over to open it. Annie stood on the other side. "We got pictures…."

"Okay, we'll be out in a minute," Jim assured her.

Annie smiled, her eyes sweeping the room. She knew what had transpired, or at least some of it. Jim reeked of sex, his musk blending with that of another…Micha. The scent filled the air and hung heavily over Jim. Even though she'd known that he was with another woman now, it still hurt Annie a little, to be faced with such real evidence of it. There was a part of her that still hung on to the hope of their time together back in Jersey. She'd hoped that he'd leave his wife for her, but it never happened. Ellie happened instead. And even after all these years, Annie still wanted him. But the reality was that he'd moved on and she knew she should have to. It was just hard to do…move on after Jim Brass. No one else ever seemed to measure up. But now that door was closed forever, if the way Jim was behaving was any indication. He wasn't one who loved easily but when he did, it was with everything he had to give.

Micha quickly grabbed some fresh clothes and changed in the the bathroom. Jim gathered up Jimmy and the three went into the other room. Annie was sitting at a table with a file folder in her hands. Jim sat across from her with Micha next to him. Jimmy was in his lap. "Jimmy, Annie is going to show you and Micha some pictures. Tell me if you see the bad man, okay?

Jimmy nodded, staring at the folder. Annie was quiet as she opened the folder and spread six pictures across the table. Jim immediately recognized Mike O'Toole and fought not to react to seeing the bastard's face staring at him from the table. He heard Micha gasp and felt Jimmy cringe and curl into him, hiding his face.

Annie looked at Micha. "You recognize him?"

Micha silently pointed to the third picture. Annie nodded and then with a soft voice asked Jimmy is he saw the bad man. Jimmy turned just enough to look again at the pictures and pointed to the third picture also. Jim let out an angry sigh. "Can you find them?" he growled.

Annie nodded. "I'll get right on it. Meantime, you stay here. I'll let you know when I know anything…"

"Yeah…okay." Jim watched as Annie moved into action, speaking first with the police protection and then leaving.

Micha looked at Jim curiously. "Who is that man? Both of you seemed to recognize him."

"His name's Mike O'Toole. He was a cop back in Jersey…a dirty one that I sent away…and he's…the sperm donor for Ellie."

Horror filled Micha's expression. "He's the one who…?"

With a clinched jaw, Jim nodded in affirmation. Then looking down at Jimmy. "Come on, buddy…let's go build another tower." He could feel Micha's apprehension as she watched him.

Jimmy grinned at his grandfather. "Okay," he said as he scrambled out of Jim's lap and ran back into the bedroom. Jim turned to Micha and let out a deep breath, releasing his anxiety. He knew he looked angry…hostile, but he couldn't help it. He wasn't going to let that bastard destroy his life again. What surprised him was the expression on her face, full of the same enmity that he felt.

"I'm not going to let him do it to me again," Jim told her emphatically.

"There's no way he can hurt what we have, Jim, between us, I mean. But….what about Ellie and Jimmy?"

"Ellie thinks he's an asshole but, I don't know…he might be able to cause trouble over Jimmy…especially if Nancy is working with him."

Micha put her hand on his shoulder, her thumb stroking his neck. "He's not going to win, Jim. Whatever it takes, he won't win."

Jim and Micha spent the next few hours with Jimmy, waiting for Annie to locate O'Toole and Nancy. As time passed, Jim began to fidget. He hated the waiting, not feeling like there was anything he could do. Long years of practice had taught him how to contain his nervous energy, even disguise it, but he'd never really learned to block it. Consequently, his hands were in almost constant motion, his fingers rubbing together, or swiping his face, of his hand constantly clinching, which he caught himself doing now. He stared at his hand, willing it to be still and heard a snicker from Micha. Sheepishly, he looked up at her. _Yeah, she's on to you…probably been watching you fight it for awhile…_He grinned and felt the raw energy dissipate.

Jimmy was restless, as well. He'd been cooped up in the hotel for a couple of days now and for a kid his age, that was too long. But Jim didn't want to risk taking the boy out anywhere, even with police protection. Besides, Annie could call at anytime with a location on Nancy and the bastard.

So instead of taking Jimmy out, Jim decided to tussle with him there in the room to let them both have a release. Jimmy was sitting on the bed when Jim launched the attack, moving quickly to encompass the small body with his large hands. Jimmy was on his side, curled in a ball, and giggling hysterically as Jim tickled. The kid needed to catch his breath, so Jim lightened up which Jimmy took advantage of by launching himself onto his grandfather. Grabbing Jim around the neck, he wrapped his legs around Jim and with one hand began to pull on his grandfather's ear.

Jim let out an "owwwww" and then fell onto the bed, feigning defeat. But Jimmy was a little smarter than Jim thought and didn't buy into it. Jimmy pounced onto Jim's torso, pushing the air out of him. Between his own laughter and having the air knocked out of him, Jim was struggling to breath but Jimmy kept up his assault until Jim rolled him off and then attacked with tickles again.

Finally, Jim stopped and stood up, waiting to see what the kid would do next, when his phone rang. Stepping away, he pulled it out of his pocket and answered it.

"Jimmy, I got the address where they are staying. You want to meet me there?"

"Yeah Annie, give it to me…" Jim wrote it down and as he did, Annie added. "I called Clark to meet us there too, since Jimmy's kidnapping is his case."

"Okay, thanks. I'll be there soon. How long do ya think it'll take me?"

"They are close to the jail, so about twenty minutes…"

"Yeah…okay. See you then." And he hung up.

Turning, he saw Micha watching him, fear filling her face. She stood, frozen in place.

"Annie found them and I'm going to go…I need to be there when Detective Clark talks to them."

Her body language screamed fear and anxiety. But she nodded. "I understand." She took a quick breath before continuing. "We'll be here…when it's over."

Guilt tore at Jim. His world was dark and ugly and it was hurting her, but he had to do this, had to be sure that Jimmy's future was with him. He needed to do it for Jimmy and Ellie. And as he looked at the kid, he realized that he needed to so it for himself too.


	22. Confrontation

Sorry it took so long for this. Real life is kicking pretty hard right now and will continue to so so for awhile, so updates will be sporadic, at best. But I do promise to keep posting as I can. I hjope you'll be patient.

As always, reviews are much appreciated and very motivating. Thanks.

JBJBJBJBJJBJBJBJBJBJBJB

The elevator door opened and Jim spotted Annie standing down the hall, waiting for him. As he approached her, he saw Detective Clark exiting the elevator at the other end of the hall. The two men met Annie just outside room 314, Nancy and O'Toole's room.

It was Clark that knocked on the door. They heard the sound of the latch and Jim watched as the door handle turned. He saw the door open slightly, but from where he was standing, he had no idea who was behind the door. "I'm Detective Clark, LAPD. Are you Nancy Brass?"

"It's O'Toole now," she grumbled.

"Oh, sorry," Clark continued. "Well, is Mr. O'Toole here? I'd like to speak with him."

Nancy's voice sounded more distant as she called for O'Toole. Jim surmised that she had turned to speak to the man who was in the room. Jim heard some rustling and shuffling and then he heard O'Toole. "Yeah…what?"

"This detective wants to talk to you."

The door opened wide and Jim heard Nancy's gasp as she saw Annie standing just behind Clark. And then her eyes went to him and he smirked as she blanched. He nodded to her in silent acknowledgement. O'Toole bellowed, "What the hell? What are you doing here, Annie and why is the prick with you?"

Jim shifted, preparing for battle as he glared at O'Toole. "Calm down, Mike," Annie said. "We just got a couple of questions."

"Well, I ain't answering, especially while that asshole's here." O'Toole was scowling at Jim.

Jim clenched his jaw and fought to contain his anger. He knew he needed to let Clark and Annie handle things. He was just there as a courtesy.

"Well, Mike… we can do this here or I can take you downtown," Annie said.

O'Toole sighed. "Whatever…"

"Mr. O'Toole, where were you yesterday morning?" Clark began the questions.

"What? Why do you care?"

"Because we do, Mike," Annie shot back. "Just answer the question."

Jim was looking at Nancy. She had aged quite a bit since the last time he'd seen her but he supposed that was fair, he had too. But there was a hardness, bitterness about her that he didn't remember. It was like she had been so angry and bitter for so long that she wore it like she wore clothes. The expression in her face as she studied him was all piss and vinegar. Jim had wondered what he would feel on seeing her again. Now he knew, he felt nothing, except maybe some relief that he hadn't stayed. Briefly Micha's face flashed through his mind, vibrant and beautiful and full of life and anticipation.

"I was with Nancy," O'Toole barked. "ain't that right, Hon," he said, turning to Nancy.

Years of separation didn't hinder Jim's insight into her look of shock. "Ah, yeah…" she answered meekly, looking anxious as she glanced at O'Toole.

Suddenly Jim felt sorry for her. She was obviously unhappy, probably verbally abused by the jerk and perhaps even physically abused. He'd been angry with her for so long, hated her even at times, but she didn't deserve what had happened to her. But then, as he remembered her treachery, her cheating and lying, and then using Ellie against him, Jim's heart hardened. Maybe she did deserve it, after all.

Clark looked intently at Nancy. "You are sure M'am? Mr. O'Toole was with you all morning?"

She looked hesitant, but then glanced nervously at her husband. "Uh…" She swallowed. "What's this all about anyway?"

That was it; Jim couldn't hold it in anymore. "Someone beat up my fiancé and kidnapped my grandson," he growled. "They've both identified your husband."

O'Toole shoved Clark into Annie and bolted out of the door, preparing to run. He was bigger than Jim but Jim knew how to use that against the bastard and reverting to his hockey days, crashed into him, pinning him against the wall. O'Toole began to punch at Jim's body, trying to beat him off, but Jim dug in harder and using his own fists, gave the other man a couple of swift shots to the kidneys. The resulting grunts filled Jim with sinister satisfaction.

Then shifting his weight, he straightened up enough to throw some punches at the man's face; O'Toole blocked the second one and swung at Jim, who ducked. Then Jim straightened up with an uppercut, catching O'Toole's chin just right, sending the man sprawling onto the floor. Clark had recovered by then and moved in swiftly to cuff O'Toole. Jim, breathing hard, reached over and offered Annie a hand up.

They turned to Nancy, who stood in the doorway in shock. "Jim…I didn't… he…I didn't know," she whimpered.

Jim flashed a look at Annie. "Mrs. Br….O'Toole, you need to come with us until we can sort all this out."

Nancy sighed. "Yeah, alright …" she said as she stepped into the hallway, letting the door close behind her.

Jim stood on the outside of the glass, watching the interrogation. Clark had a challenge with Mike O'Toole, who was an expert at lying. Annie opted to stay out of the room in the beginning, since she knew the perp from before. She hoped that Clark would be able to break through O'Toole's wall. After an hour of O'Toole stonewalling, Clark stepped out. "I'm going to talk to his wife now," he told Jim.

The words chaffed Jim…._his wife…_once she had been his wife, Mrs. Jim Brass. And even though their marriage was a rough one, Mike O'Toole had destroyed any chance Jim had at making it work. That she had turned on Jim didn't surprise him really, but that she apparently had turned on Ellie did. Once, she had at least been a good mother, if not a good wife. Jim watched as Clark moved into another room to question Nancy.

As Detective Clark began his questions, Jim realized that Nancy really didn't know what her husband had done. _Her husband…damn…_Jim's gut wrenched.

After a few minutes with Nancy, Clark left the room and headed back to O'Toole. Jim watched him cross the hall and then stepped into the room with Nancy. He stood just inside the door, not sure why he was there, what he wanted to say or do.

She looked at him wrathfully. "What do you want?"

Jim stepped a little closer, trying to decide what the answer to her question was. "I…um…" He took a deep breath. "Ellie said that you visited her…"

She looked at him cautiously. "Yeah. Her attorney called me. I thought I should come."

"I…well, I thought she should have…you know, called you. I asked her if she wanted me to, but…well, anyway, she can use all the support she can get…"

Nancy furrowed her brows, frowning as she tried to decipher what he was telling her. "You're okay with me being here?"

Jim shifted his weight and shrugged. "Um…yeah. I mean, you are her mother and…despite everything that happened between us I never tried to…"

"No, you didn't. You just abandoned her."

Jim sighed. "Look, I'm not going to go through all that again. Just…I don't think you knew what Mike was planning and…I'm glad Ellie has you here."

Jim watched as she relaxed, the fight melting away from her. "She's really gotten herself in trouble this time, hasn't she?"

"Yeah," Jim conceded. "She's looking at prison time. And I just found out that a Mexican cartel is involved…"

"A drug cartel? Isn't that…dangerous?" Fear washed over Nancy's face

"The FBI is on it. They have Ellie in protective custody."

"And the baby?"

"He's not a baby, Nancy. He's old enough to understand that bad things are happening but he doesn't understand why. But, he's okay. Mike's stunt scared him though. He's having nightmares about the bad man."

"When she told me she gave him to you, I planned to get a lawyer, fight you in court, but what Mike did…I never…it was horrible." She was sincere, Jim knew.

"Yeah." Jim eased into another chair at the table where she sat. "Look, what happened between you and Ellie? She's not saying much. But last I knew anything, the two of you were okay."

"She hates Mike and…she found out about…everything. So she hates me too. The last time she talked to me, she told me that it was all my fault, that if I hadn't slept with Mike, you would have stayed. She said that by being married to you and having her by Mike, I took two fathers away from her. And then she said that at least you tried but I chased you away."

"I'm still trying. But what I don't get…why she wants me to take the boy. She thinks I'm a total screw-up as a father."

"Not as bad as I am as a mother." Nancy sighed. "So, you're engaged? I thought you would have remarried a long time ago. You were so intent on staying married… I guess I thought you and Annie Kramer would…"

"Yeah, I'm engaged. And Annie and I …she was…" _What was she, exactly? _"She was a refuge… And after everything that happened between us, I guess I was gunshy." Jim shrugged. "I guess I hadn't met anyone that was worth the effort…til now."

"She's okay…your fiancé? Mike didn't hurt her too bad?"

"She'll be okay. Banged up and bruised. Scared. So's the kid. Look, you okay in here? I…well, I need to get back to them, tell them that we got the 'bad man,' as Jimmy calls him."

"Yeah," Nancy snorted. "Still can't believe she named him after you…"

"Me either. So, um…." Jim looked at her sympathetically.

Nancy read him and nodded. "Yeah…thanks."

Jim walked away, content that they had the right man and that Nancy was, at least for now, in the background. She wouldn't be going to court anytime soon, at least not about their grandson.

BRASSROCKS!

So, do I keep writing or let this one die?


	23. Convergence

Annie met Jim in the hall. "I called the detail," she told him. "They're bringing Micha and Jimmy down. We're going to do a line-up…maybe shake something outta O'Toole."

Jim swiped his face with his hand. "Yeah…okay…but I doubt it will work." _Damn…more of this shit on Micha…_He took a deep breath and realized some of O'Toole's hits had landed solidly. His ribs hurt. But he didn't have time to worry about that now. Micha would be here soon, along with Jimmy. He had to be here for them, had to have his head on, ready to handle…anything.

Then another thought nagged him as he remembered Nancy in the room behind him. _Shit, all three of them, fiancé, ex-lover, and ex wife in the same place. _He closed his eyes and forced himself to take a slow breath to calm himself. _Hell, it just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? This is all going to come crashing down on you…_Rolling his eyes, he looked up. _You just keep dumping it, don't you?_ Another deep sigh helped him clear his head. _Don't do this…Micha loves you; God only knows why, but she does, _he told himself.

Micha and Jimmy arrived a few minutes later with their protection officers. When Jimmy turned the corner of the hallway and saw Jim, he ran towards him, crashing into Jim's legs and shouting happily, "Pops…you here."

Jim smiled and reached down, sliding his hands under the boy's arms and lifting him. Jimmy threw his arms around Jim's thick neck, his hands barely connecting in the back. Then he nuzzled into Jim's neck and quieted. "I missed you," he said softly, turning Jim's bones to mush. _If the kid keeps this up, you're gonna be bawling all over the place like a girl…_

Jim felt, rather than heard, Nancy behind him. Slowly he turned and as he looked into her face, he knew he had to tell the kid who she was. Joy and misery blended in her features, along with fear. "Hey kid," he said to his grandson. "There's a lady here I want you to meet."

Jimmy straightened up and looked at him. "A lady?"

"Yeah, um…" Jim turned so the boy could see Nancy, "she's right here. This is your grandmother, Jimmy. She's your Mamma's Mama."

Jimmy studied Nancy carefully. "You my granny?" he chirped.

Smiling through tears, Nancy nodded. "Yes, I am." She reached out her hand to touch him but the boy flinched and then buried himself in Jim, turning his face into Jim's neck so that she couldn't see him. Nancy turned bewildered eyes towards Jim, an unspoken question resting in them.

He shrugged. "He's been through a lot," Jim explained. "Give it some time…"

Nancy retreated, visibly shrinking in front of him and Jim suddenly felt sorry for her. But he wasn't about to let her use those feelings against him in a battle for Jimmy. Nancy eyed him warily. "Yeah, whatever…"

Annie spoke up. "We're ready in the other room," she told Jim. He nodded. "As his _legal guardian,_" she emphasized, "we are required to have you in the room with him."

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "Hey buddy, let's go see if we can find the bad man, okay?"

Jimmy clung to Jim more vigorously. "Scared," he said softly.

"Yeah, I know. But I'll be there. And the man won't even know you are there." He talked as he carried Jimmy down the hall.

"How he not know?"

"It's a magic glass. You can see through it but he can't."

"Ohhh, I wanna see the magic glass."

Nancy stood in the hall, staring at Micha, who had taken a seat on a bench along the wall. "You're Jim's fiancé?" she asked skeptically.

Micha looked up at Nancy. "Yes, I am."

Nancy gave her a once over. "He um…he's different…"

Micha stared at her, unblinking.

"Look, you don't know how it was…how he was…" Nancy continued.

"I know Jim, who he is…I know his heart. That's all I need to know…"

In the darkened room, Jim held Jimmy. "Now remember, the glass is magic. He can't see you even though you can see him. Okay?" Jimmy clung to his grandfather as he looked through the glass. Finally, he pointed to O'Toole. "He the bad man," the boy cried out. Jim could feel him trembling and held him tighter as the boy turned to wiggle deeper into Jim's protective arms. Each movement was causing pain, but Jim was determined to hold him, give him the love and comfort that he needed.

Micha sat, staring at Nancy, trying not to lose her courage. Jim hadn't disclosed all the details of his marriage, but Micha knew it been an extremely unhappy one, leaving him unsure of himself in a relationship. Somehow this woman had convinced Jim that happiness was beyond him, something other people found but would always elude him. Micha had determinedly fought to get him to open up to the idea that they could be happy, that he could hold up his end. It angered Micha to see this woman standing over her, trying to pull at the threads of her delicate relationship with Jim. She was suddenly afraid, full of a kind of fear she had never known before. Standing up, she glared at the woman. "Jim had told me about the time he spent with you …and he told me what you did.

Nancy glared back. "Yeah, I'm sure Jim's told you a lot of things. But it's only about one thing…he wants in your pants. He'll screw you and use you up and then move on…there's an Annie Kramer in your future too. You'll see."

Micha was shaking with anger…and fear. What if this woman was right? What if Jim was only interested in one thing? But it wasn't true, a small voice told her. Jim wasn't like that…she knew him, had known him forever. They'd had the same dreams; well, almost the same dreams. It couldn't be true, what Nancy was saying…

Nancy kept going. "Yeah, he's screwing you already, isn't he? Tell me, is he still good? That was the only thing that kept me around, you know…he was so fucking good in the sack. Yeah, I miss that about him…maybe I'll give him another go." Nancy was smirking at her.

Micha looked into the other woman's face, into her eyes, taunting her, laughing at her. This woman would do that to her, to Jim, just to be mean; just to hurt him. And with fury that she didn't know she was capable of, Micha slapped Nancy so hard that the older woman fell to the floor.

Annie was leading Jim back through the halls, back to Micha. They rounded the corner just in time to see Nancy hit the floor. Annie rushed to Nancy, checking on her and then helping her stand. Nancy was ranting, yelling that she wanted the little bitch arrested.

Jim, still holding Jimmy, was next to Micha instantly, putting his body between the two women. Jimmy began crying and screaming. "I don't like that lady," he wailed. "I wanna go home, I want Poppy….take us home." The boy was sobbing and Jim was trying to comfort him. But he was more worried about Micha. "What did she say to you?" he growled angrily.

Micha shook her head. "No, I….let's just get the….let's get this done and then get out of here…away from her. I'll explain later," she said, tears rolling down her face.

Jim used his free hand to pull her to him, putting his arm around her protectively. "God Micha, I'm sorry; I'm so sorry you got dragged into my messed up life. I'm sorry, baby." He eased her down the hall a few feet and then stopped. Grimacing, he eased Jimmy down. Jimmy cried harder but Jim couldn't hold him any longer. His ribs hurt like hell and breathing was hard. Besides, Micha needed him. "Honey…please…it'll be okay," he started to tell her. Micha was looking at him oddly. "Jim," she screamed as he collapsed.

Jim hated hospitals, had never liked them but after his long stay when he was shot, he hated them. He didn't like this one any better than the rest. The ER had been chaotic and his room was dingy. They had him hooked up to monitors and had the damned oxygen tube in his nose. He hated that too. But after the doctor had told him the cause of his collapse, he understood the need. Broken ribs, the man had told him…collapsed lung…lucky to be here…He shifted in his bed, pulling slightly on the chest tube that had been inserted to help re-inflate his lung. _Great….now you'll have matching scars on either shoulder, _he mused. Glancing quickly at his left shoulder, he grimaced. Yeah, damn lucky, he reminded himself in his self deprecating inner voice. _Stupid…_

He looked across at Micha, who had fallen asleep in the chair next to his bed. She'd ridden to the hospital with him. Annie had done something with the kid but Jim didn't know what. He worried about that, but he was glad Micha was here. He needed her with him. He wanted to be selfish, wanted her here, wanted her to himself for awhile.

Breathing was still difficult and if he took deep breaths, it was painful. He fumbled with the magic button they had given him earlier, pushing it and sending sweet relief in the form of morphine through his body. As he watched her sleeping, he couldn't help the deep sigh that overtook him. He also couldn't help the grunt of pain that followed. Micha stirred in the chair, sat up, and smiled at Jim. _Yeah, damn lucky…_

* * *

Sorry that it is taking so long between chapters. As I said last time, life is pretty rough right now and I got the flu on top of it all. Uck! Anyway, I'm feeling a little better and will try to post more regularly, but no promises. In the meantime, your reviews keep me motivated. SPecial thanks to Callih, who responds every time. Sometimes I feel if I'm writing for her.


	24. Highs and Lows

Lying in a hospital bed gave Jim time to think, when he wasn't in a fog from his pain meds. He had plenty to think about after everything that had happened. He thought about Nancy and how things had turned out for her. He thought about O'Toole and tried to put himself in the guy's shoes, wanting the grandson that was genetically his. Jim could kind of understand O'Toole; he'd had similar feelings for years but from a different angle. After all, he'd raised a daughter that wasn't his genetically and now was claiming a grandson under the same circumstances. There was something that felt off about the whole thing. And he thought about Ellie, wondered where she was and how her case was going. He should've gone after Cordero but O'Toole had gotten in the way. Before he left L.A. he would be sure all of that was taken care of, he decided after another push of the magic button.

Then his thoughts turned to Jimmy and Micha. He was old to be starting over with a four year old, he mused. And with the beating his body had taken over the years, who's to say he'd even be around to see the kid into adulthood. That's where Micha would come in, if she stuck around that long. Shaking his head, he thought about her. It wasn't fair, what he was doing to her…what he had done to her. He was too old for her; she deserved someone younger, someone that she could grow old with. Worse, she'd been dragged into his sad, messed up life. She'd gone willingly but still….he shouldn't have …what? Loved her? His chest began to hurt again at the thought of not loving her but it was a different hurt from the chest tube and the lung. His heart hurt. He couldn't help loving her, he reasoned…but he shouldn't have done anything about it, should have never given in.

All of his thinking made Jim tired and sighing, he leaned his head back on his pillow. Closing his eyes, he willed himself to relax, to let sleep come. He wouldn't have to think if he was asleep. Another push of the button helped his process and soon he was in a deep sleep.

"_Where ya been, Jim?" Nancy stood at the door to the kitchen, her arms folded and a huge scowl on her face. "I called the station and they said you signed out hours ago…"_

"_You called the station…like you cared…give me a break…" he snapped back._

_She dropped her arms and sighed. "I…yeah…look, we gotta talk…" she said, sounding defeated._

"_About what?" he growled._

_She looked resigned, broken even. "I…I'm pregnant…"_

_She could have punched him and it wouldn't have smashed into his gut harder. He stood there, staring at her, disbelieving. "Right…" he drawled sarcastically. "Was I so drunk that I can't remember knocking you up? 'Cause I can't remember being with you in…forever." Anger boiled in him. "What game are you playing now, Nancy? 'Cause honestly, I don't think I can take any more games." She stared at him through tear laden eyes. Briefly, Jim remembered that it was her eyes that had attracted him in the first place. There had been something about her soft, chocolate colored eyes that had claimed him the first time he saw her. _

_She stepped towards him, hesitantly. "No games," she said and then began to cry. Her tears undid Jim; he could never stand to see someone cry, especially someone he loved. And despite everything that was wrong between them, he still did love her. He took a step towards her, charily. "So…" _

_She fell into him and he wrapped his arms around her. "So…I really screwed up," she wailed. "I was mad at you because you didn't come home for days…that drug case awhile back…Neilson case, I think it was…" she let out a sob._

"_Yeah, I remember how pissed you were…but like I keep telling you, it's the job."_

"_Yeah, whatever…" she began to pull away._

_He held her tighter and pulled her to him. "No, don't…just tell me…" He didn't really want to hear it but…she was his wife and family was everything to him; well, almost everything."_

"_I…went down to O'Reilly's and got really drunk." Great, Jim thought, the same bar that every detective in the station went to and most of the uniforms. So they all knew about his screwed up marriage now. But he held onto her. "And…I met Mike O'Toole and we…and…" Jim tensed. Mike O'Toole, the dirtiest cop in the station…she would hook up with him. Suddenly he felt sick, very sick. She began to shake as she sobbed. "I'm sorry, Jim…so sorry."_

_It was the only time she had ever apologized to him for anything. And somehow that meant something. "So…what do you want to do," he asked tentatively._

"_I...um…I don't know. I can't raise a kid on my own…and I don't want anymore to do with Mike." She gasped for air through her sobs. "But I understand that you don't want it…the baby, I mean. And probably not me, not anymore…not after this…"_

"_I've always wanted you," he told her. "And I still do, even as messed up as things are. You don't seem to get it, Nancy. I love you." He sighed and backed away a little. "Look, I know you don't love me, I don't know if you ever did; but if you want to stay…and have the baby, I mean…well, we could say it's mine and I'll help you with it. But…no one will ever know that it's not mine, okay?"_

_She looked up at him through teary eyes. "You'd do that? Raise it as your own?"_

"_Yeah, I'll do it. But the kid will never know, agreed?"_

"_Why Jim? Why would you do that?"_

_He shrugged. "Because I love you. And…I want kids. Who knows, maybe this will help us, you know…get on a better track and…maybe one day…maybe we'll have other kids."_

_She looked at him skeptically. "Maybe…" And right then, at that moment, he knew he'd been had. _

Jim woke with a start and then a grunt of pain. He wiped his face, trying to clear the sleep from his mind and was surprised to feel wetness. He had been crying. He grunted again, thinking he'd quit shedding tears over Nancy years ago.

He heard a sound at the door and looked up to see Greg Sanders standing there. "Greg?"

"Yeah, um…hi."

Jim was confused. What was Sanders doing here? "You lost?"

Greg took Jim's question as a sign that it was okay for him to be there. "Um, no…I'm in L.A. doing a book signing. And Catherine called and told me what happened…that you were in the hospital. So, here I am…"

"Yeah?"

Greg stepped closer. "Yeah, you kinda gave her a scare, I think. I mean, we've lost so much in the last year. She…we all needed to know you're okay."

"Yeah, I will be. A little sore right now." He straightened up in the bed. "So, a book signing? Things are going good with the book then?"

Greg tilted his head slightly. "Yeah, um…pretty good. Better than I expected anyway."

He looked around. "So, when do you get out?"

"Probably tomorrow. They took the chest tube out last night and said if things go okay…"

"Wow. You had a chest tube?"

"Yeah, collapsed lung, you know," Jim shrugged. Then a thought occurred to him. "Hey, when you headed back?"

"Oh, I have a flight out tomorrow night."

Jim smiled at the younger man's earnestness. He remembered when Greg had first been hired to run DNA at the lab, back when Jim was still over CSI. He'd been a quirky kid with way too much energy but Jim had liked him even then. Under Grissom's tutelage, he'd developed into a really good CSI and age and experience had toned down some of the mischief. But there was still an energy about him, an eagerness that Jim envied a little.

Greg was looking at him expectantly. "So you need anything?"

Jim looked up at him. "Well, I was hoping you could help me out…"

"Sure. How?"

"I can't fly back. I drove out here with Micha and…"

"You want me to drive you guys back," Greg finished for him.

"Well, Micha and my grandson. I'm staying here to see about Ellie."

"Your daughter? Where's she?"

"She's mixed up in a Federal case and I want to be sure she'd okay."

"You brought the Charger?" Greg's excitement was heating up.

"Yeah…"

"Oh yeah, I can do it. You gonna actually let me drive the Charger. I didn't think you let anybody drive that car."

Jim grinned at the kid that stood in front of him. "I don't," he said emphatically. "And even more, I don't let just anybody drive my family around in it."

"Your family…oh yeah, your grandson."

"And Micha."

Greg's eyes lit up. "She's family now? Since when?"

"Since he asked me to marry him," she answered from the doorway. "Hello, Mr. Sanders."

Surprise crossed Greg's features but he recovered quickly. "Oh, you can call me Greg and…let's see, I think it is Jim I should be congratulating." Greg was smiling at Jim. "So she caught you?"

"Yeah," Jim grunted. As he'd watched Micha and Greg in their brief exchange, he had thought that Greg was more the kind of guy she should be with, not him.

Greg looked at him oddly and then turned back to Micha. "So, Jim asked me to drive you back to Vegas in his car. I hope that's okay with you…spending the time with me, I mean."

Shock flashed across Micha's features as she looked from Greg to Jim. "I um…what's this about Jim?"

Recognizing that Jim had some explaining to do and it might be awkward with him there; Greg quickly said good-bye and assured Jim that he would be back in the morning. Before Jim had time to respond, Greg was out the door.

Micha watched Greg leave and then turned back to Jim. "So…what's this all about?"

Looking into her eyes, Jim was suddenly unsure of his plan. "I um…well, you can't fly…or at least, I thought you wouldn't want to."

"Okay," she said suspiciously. "And why would Jimmy and I be going back to Vegas without you?"

Jim felt like he was eleven again and had just been caught by his mother looking through Linda Pearson's bathroom window as she took a shower. Micha was giving him that kind of look, disapproval and disappointment coming through loudly and clearly. "I…uh…yeah, I thought…you and Jimmy will be safer in Vegas while I find Cordero and make things right for Ellie." He felt her heat and it wasn't the good kind. A loaded sigh escaped her as she watched him, her expression indicating he had more explaining to do.

"I um…thought if I could find Cordero…" Micha looked away towards the machine that fed his meds. "How much have you been using that today?"

"What?" Jim was confused by the change of subject.

"The little button…when did you push it last?"

"Uh…before Sanders came in…, I think." Jim brain was fuzzy on the subject.

"Uh-huh. Okay, well, get this through your drug hazed brain, Jim. I am not going back to Vegas without you. Ellie is safe in the hands of the FBI and they are looking for Cordero and his partner, the ICE agent. Once they have them, Ellie will testify and then they'll go to jail. The FBI doesn't need you tracking Cordero down for them. If the doctor releases you tomorrow, then we all go back to Vegas together or we stay here in a hotel until you are satisfied that Ellie is okay. But you are in no condition to track a puppy, much less dangerous criminals."

Jim looked at her, his fuzzy brain trying to find a hole in her logic but being unsuccessful. As she stood there, her arms folded determinedly over her chest…_and what a nice chest too…_he was suddenly struck by the realization that he wasn't going to win many arguments with this woman…ever. Then silliness overtook him. "You're cute when you're angry," he said through a giggle.

Her hands dropped to her sides as his comment registered. She was smiling when she asked him incredulously, "just how many times have you pushed the button?"

Jim grinned unabashedly. "I dunno. Come 'ere. You're cute…"

Micha laughed as she tried to give him a disdainful look. "And you're high." Reaching over, she took his button away from him. "I'll hold onto this for a little while, I think."

His heading lolling, Jim met her eyes. "No fun..." he said, pouting.

* * *

Sorry about the delay. I hope you find this one worth the wait.


	25. Home

So glad you are back for another chapter! I know you readers are still out there even though you are not reviewing; my traffic tab tells me so:-) Thanks so much for sticking with it. I hope you enjoy this installment.

* * *

The ride back to Vegas was like a dream for Jim. He was comfortably settled in the back with Jimmy while Micha rode in the front with Greg. He tried to follow their conversation but he'd taken some pain meds before leaving the hospital and they were making him drowsy. In one of his more coherent moments, he noticed Jimmy watching him intently.

"You okay, kid?"

"You make funny noises when you sleep," the kid informed him.

He heard Micha snickering from the front seat and rolled his eyes. "So I snore, who doesn't?"

"I don't snore," Sanders piped up from the driver's seat. "At least, I don't think I do…"

"Give it time, kid…it happens to us all."

Micha leaned over and said something to Greg too softly for Jim to hear. Jealousy washed over him as he watched Greg's amused response to whatever she said. Jim wanted her whispering in his ear and no one else's. Looking out of the window, he pondered his feelings. He didn't want to be the jealous or possessive type, but at the moment Jim was feeling pretty insecure about things. And watching her tease and giggle with someone closer to her age wasn't helping. He liked Sanders and he loved Micha, but he didn't like the two of them together. Leaning his head back, Jim closed his eyes and tried to zone them out.

It was dark when they arrived at Jim's house. Greg helped Micha unload the car and made sure they had everything they needed before leaving. He took Jim's car, promising to bring it back in the morning.

Jim settled into his favorite chair while Micha settled Jimmy in the guest room for bed. Jim was glad they had stopped to eat before making it to the house, since he was sure he didn't have anything in his pantry. After a few minutes, he heard Micha as she made her way into his living room. As he watched her enter the room, a flood of emotions swept over him. _She's here, in my house…to stay. And Greg's gone…with my car. And I'm here…with her. God, she's beautiful…what's she doing with me?_

She moved towards him, easing down t sit on the arm of his chair. He felt her fingers as her hand made its way to his face, resting on his cheek. "Let's get you settled in the bed," she said softly.

"Mmmm," he moaned. "I like that idea…" _Especially if you are in the bed with me…_

So a few minutes later, Jim Brass found himself lying thankfully in his bed with a beautiful younger woman curled up next to him, her hand resting gently on his chest, her fingers slowly working their way through his mat of hair and rubbing the skin beneath. A small smile crept across his face as the reality set in; this was real, she wasn't going away. She was his to love, just as he was hers.

"I'm glad we're here," she whispered. "I'll be even happier when your ribs are healed and I can show you how glad I am."

"You're already showing me, Baby; just being here and letting me hold you…Broken ribs and all, life has never been this good." Jim closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of her next to him, warming him, letting his fingers play along a path down her arm. He had to admit to himself that this was pretty damn good, this feeling he was experiencing. Life would eventually intrude and make them leave this little bubble they were in, but for now he was content to savor the feeling of oneness that surrounded them. Maybe his dreams, their dreams, did mean something; maybe they really were soul mates. Maybe this was meant to be, despite the age difference. Jim found comfort in that thought, satisfaction even. He, Jim Brass, master of several disasters, had a soul mate.

Micha lay very still listening to the strong heartbeat in Jim's chest. The rhythm slowed and softened as she heard his breathing grow quieter, signaling that he was falling asleep. The soft cadence brought peace to her and soon she too was deep in the oblivion of slumber.

Several hours later, Jim woke to the sound of her angry cries as she thrashed in the bed. It was clear that she was having a nightmare. Gently he gripped her shoulder and called her name. "Wake up, Honey…Micha…Baby, you need to wake up."

Her cries became less intense, changing from angry to defeated, whimpers almost as she lost whatever battle she was fighting in her dream. Jim became more insistent. "Wake up, Honey," he said louder. Then he shook her a little, trying to break through her dream. "Come on Micha, wake up."

Her eyes flew open and she jumped, startled by her surroundings. Then her eyes began to focus as the dream lessened its grip and she became more aware. "Jim?"

"Honey, you were having a pretty bad dream," he said. He ran his fingers up her arm and neck and into the back of her hair. "You remember what you were dreaming?"

"I…oh Jim, I was a child again…with my parents. My father …he was…he…"

Jim's arm was around her, holding her tightly. "It's okay Honey. You're here with me now. No one's going to hurt you, I promise." _I'll kill 'em first…_

He felt her relax a little. "I know…but the dream was so real. My father was in our room again…he…was…." She let out a sob. "He…my sister was screaming because he was…hurting her…" and then she broke down completely, her sobs breaking Jim's heart. Silently he wished he could kill the bastard or at least inflict some of the pain that the man had done to his family. "You have these dreams often?" His question was soft but she heard it.

"I haven't had one in a long time," she answered equally soft.

Jim sighed. "It's been too much, everything that happened in L.A. was too much." Jim concluded.

"Perhaps…especially you getting hurt. I…if I lost you…I don't know what I would do, Jim…" He felt more tear drops fall onto his chest.

_Damn_, he thought_, I didn't realize…how's she gonna handle my job? What's it going to do to her when I go to work? _"Honey, I'm okay…a little sore, that's all…you're not going to lose me anytime soon…okay…"

"Yeah, I know…but still…" she burrowed into him clinging to him. "I love you Jim, I love you so much…I've never let myself love anyone until now."

Taking a deep breath, Jim closed his eyes, fighting back his own tears. "Oh Baby, you realize what that means to me, that you love me? I thought, well… after Nancy, I didn't think that anyone could ever love me…and then you came along and …and…I don't think I've ever been so happy. You think I'm gonna let anything happen to that? I couldn't stand to lose you either, Baby."

She remained still, clinging to him and not moving for a few minutes. "It's scary, isn't it…loving someone so much?"

Jim's eyebrows furrowed. "Scary? Yeah, I guess in a way it is but…I guess I'm more scared that I won't…can't be who you need me to be."

Her fingers dug into him. "You are everything I need, Jim. Everything."

Jim chuckled a little. "Now that's scary…me being everything you need."

"It's true."

"Okay Baby. Hey, you know what I need right now?" His tone was brighter as he tried to turn her away from the darkness of her dream. "No…" she answered. He squeezed her. "I need to lie here with you, just like this, with you in my arms. I need to feel the peace it brings me. Okay?"

He felt the smile that played across her face as she leaned into his chest. "Okay," she answered contentedly. Once again she slowly drifted to sleep, leaving Jim awake and thinking about everything she'd said.

He wasn't foolish enough to think he could outlive her, but there were things he could do to be sure he hung in there as long as possible. Despite his injury, he knew that generally he was in pretty good health. He could stand to loose a few pounds, he reasoned …_need to start eating better…layoff the booze more…_and then he thought of his job. _That'll be the toughest to manage…but still, I am a Captain, no need to be in the field so much…could start turning more over to Sam and the rest…Administration isn't so bad…_ Jim spent another hour thinking and planning for his revised career, one that didn't put him on the frontline so much. He decided that his days of being the first through the doorway were over. He was being greedy enough with her, he wouldn't compound it, he'd put her ahead of the job, ahead of everything. He wouldn't repeat his mistakes with Nancy. Besides, he didn't move as quickly as he used to be anyway; his reflexes were slowing. It was time…tomorrow he'd make some calls.

A week later, he sat in the office of Assistant Sherriff over Investigations, Ray Moody.

"I'm glad you came to me with this, Jim," the man was saying. "I had already pulled your jacket anyway…" he finished as he slid Jim's file onto his desk.

"You did?" Jim was nervous. Why would he be pulling his jacket…unless …has he screwed up again?

"Yeah, as you know, we haven't filled Deputy Chief's spot that Owen Roland left when he took that position in San Francisco."

"Ah, yeah…that's why I cam directly to you…" _So...that's why…maybe I'm being considered…_

"Problem is…" Moody hesitated.

_Yeah…so I'm not being considered…too many screw ups… well, okay…_

Moody looked at him over his glasses. "I'm retiring in a couple of months…and we'll need to fill my spot too. I had thought Owen would step up but since he's gone…well, now I have two spots to fill. Got any recommendations?"

"Uh, for your spot?"

"Either one…"

Jim shrugged. "Could I give it some thought? There are several qualified people to choose from."

"Yeah, there are." Moody's hand went to Jim's folder on the desk. "But none are more qualified than you."

"Uh, well…I was on that track a few years ago, but some things happened…"

"Yeah, I know. And I admired the way you took the hit for your people on the Holly Gribbs thing…"

"I um…Well, it was my responsibility…"

"And the way you handled the Bell incident…"

_The Bell incident? Hell, I killed the guy…he's dead because of me…_

"…not many men could have come through that like you did. I know that I would've gone off the deep end if I'd…"

"Yeah, well…it wasn't easy but…the only way I could do anything to make it…I don't know…mean anything …was for it was to get out there and try to do some good…"

"Yeah…and just a few months later you were in the hospital fighting for your life because you took a bullet instead of letting that whacko kill that woman. That took guts, Jim. You'd been a Captain for awhile. All you had to do was hunker behind your desk and wait it out 'til retirement, but you've kept putting yourself out front."

Again, Jim shrugged. "It's the only way I know how to do it…but I want…well, it's time for me to make a change in all of that. I'm not as quick as I used to be and…"

"..and I agree." Moody finished for him. _Oh shit, he's going to cut me loose…_Jim rubbed the back of his neck reflexively and listened with dread as the man continued. "Your talents are better used on the inside now, Jim. My initial plan was to move you up into Owns' place when he replaced me…but since Owen is gone I want you to take my place, especially after the way you uncovered Jeff McKeen's corruption last year. I still can't believe he was pulling all of that off right under our noses. You have always come down on the side of what is right, Jim and you've taken a beating for it, both professionally and personally. It's time you got what should have been yours a long time ago. I'm recommending you as my replacement. Of course, the final decision isn't mine, but I'll do everything I can to see that it happens. That is, if you even want the job?"

Jim sat mute, in utter shock. Finally he recovered enough to respond. "Uh yeah…I..well, I think I'm ready for more administration…leave the footwork to the younger guys."

"Good." Moody smiled as he stood. "The committee meets early next week. I'll let you know how things are going…" Reaching out, Moody shook Jim's hand. "I really do think you are the man for this job, Jim."

"Thanks," Jim said, returning the handshake. "I…well, I hope I do as well as you have…"

"Better Jim. You'll do better."


	26. Future

Jimmy Brass ran to the door when he heard his grandfather's car door. He liked living with his Pops and Poppy. He had his own room and Pops bought him some cool toys. But best of all, he felt safe with Pops. There weren't any weird guys coming around and he wasn't hearing any strange noises at night or having to see what those weird guys did with his mommy. His mommy slept a lot and was usually grumpy when she woke up. But Poppy didn't sleep all day and she was happy. And Pops, he slept in the day sometimes but Poppy said it was because he was still healing from getting hurt. Jimmy understood that because when he was sick a few months ago, he slept all the time. Pops told him that sometimes he had to work at night and then he would sleep in the daytime too. But he was trying to make things where he wouldn't have to do that so much anymore. Pops told him that he'd rather spend time at home with Poppy and with him. That made Jimmy happy. He liked Pops. So when Jim walked through the front door, he was immediately assaulted by a four year old boy, who showered him with hugs and giggles.

Jim went down on one knee, laughing with the boy. "How ya doing, sport," he said as he hugged his grandson. It felt good, to be hugging a kid again. Jimmy began babbling about watching one of his movies and how the ants were in trouble. _Humph…Grissom would love it,_ he thought as Jimmy's story reminded him of his friend.

The reverie was broken, however, by the sound of shattering glass coming from the kitchen. Jim looked across the room towards it, wondering what had broken. "Sounds like Micha is having problems in the kitchen," he said to Jimmy as a frown creased his forehead.

"She been crying." Jimmy replied in a sad voice. "She been crying since you left."

"She do that often? Cry when I leave, I mean…"

"Uh huh," the boy nodded affirmatively. "She always sad when you go. Me too, but I play or watch a movie."

"Well, I'm glad you find a way not to be so sad and we'll talk about it more later. But right now, I think I'd better see how Micha is. Okay Sport?" Jim stood and patted Jimmy's head. "Do me a favor and stay in here while I talk to her, okay Buddy?"

"Okay Pops. You'll make Poppy happy?"

"I'm going to try…" Jim said as he headed for the kitchen.

Standing in the middle of the kitchen, Micha was staring at a shattered bowl on the floor. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and to Jim, she looked lost. "Micha? Honey, you okay?" he asked softly.

Looking up, panic crossed her features. "Oh, I'm sorry…I was putting the dishes away and I dropped a bowl."

Jim stepped closer to her, wondering why she was in such a panic. "Its okay, Honey. It's just a bowl."

"I know," she said, her shoulders slumped and her general posture one of defeat. "I just…" and she started to cry again. Jim's chest began to tighten at the sight of her looking so forlorn. He stepped around the mess and raised his hands to her shoulders, turning her toward him and away from the mess. Then he pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her. "Why are you crying?" She felt weak in his arms, like she would melt. "Jimmy said you started crying when I left."

"I…" She buried her face into his chest, her hands clinging to his jacket.

Jim rubbed her back gently, wondering what all the tears were about. She was obviously troubled about something but he thought things had been going okay since they got back from L.A. Well, except for the nightmares…_could this be something about the nightmares?_

He felt her began to relax, her hands letting go of his jacket. "Baby, why don't you go rinse those tears off and I'll clean up the mess."

"Oh no, I should…" she said letting go of him and looking around.

"It's okay. I'll take care of it. And then I think we need to talk."

She cast him a worried look as she walked out of the room. Jim cleaned up the mess, his mind on Micha's state of mind. Something was upsetting her and making her miserable. He just hoped it wasn't him.

When he finished the clean-up, he headed for the bedroom to find her. She was in the bathroom, wiping her face with a wash cloth. He stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame, watching her, his heart full.

"Micha, what is going on, Baby?"

She looked at his reflection in the mirror, dread creeping into her expression. "I um…I just want everything to be…perfect. And when I dropped the bowl…"

Jim moved to her again. "It's more than that, I think. The way you looked in the kitchen…and the way you are looking at me now…something is really wrong. Please Baby, tell me." Jim hoped she would open up to him, even though he was afraid that she had decided he was too much, his screwed up life and all…

She moved away, confirming his worst thoughts. "No, really, I just…I don't know…I was just nervous and I dropped the bowl and…well, it's alright now…really…" She stepped into the bedroom, looking around as if she didn't know why she was there.

Jim followed her. "Micha…" he started, his heart in his throat, "I know this is a lot to take on…me and all my …baggage and Jimmy and all, but….well, I mean, if you can't handle it, all you have to do is tell me, you know? I mean, I'll understand if you…I mean it'll be rough but if you …if well, if marrying me isn't such a good idea anymore…" Jim's head was hurting and his heart was pounding as it broke.

Micha turned to look at him. "If I don't… I thought maybe…that you…that…" and she began to sob, collapsing onto the bed. Jim was next to her instantly. "Oh Honey, why would you think I didn't want to marry you anymore? Geez Baby, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me…I love you, Micha."

"At the police department," she cried out, " when you collapsed in the hallway, I thought…I thought you were…" She began sobbing. Jim pulled her into a hug, holding her as tightly as he could. "No Baby, no, no, no….I'm alright. I'm not going anywhere; I have too much to hang around for…"

Micha sniffled. "I was trying to get you to wake up and she…she wouldn't stop…"

"Who wouldn't stop?" Jim was afraid he already knew the answer.

"You're…wife….ex-wife, she kept yelling at me, laughing that you were…and that I was crying and she said," she sobbed again, " she said that you would have lost interest in me anyway, that you never were a one woman kind of man….that you….that all you wanted was a young …bitch to whelp your puppies." Her body started shaking in despair just as Jim's shook with anger.

There was so much he wanted to say, but was afraid to say anything, afraid that his anger at Nancy would frighten her. So he remained mute, holding her sobbing shaking body, tears beginning to flow out of his eyes as well. His anger intensified, creating a fog in his mind and keeping him from formulating coherent thoughts. In a blind rage, all he could think of was how he wanted to strangle Nancy. Finally the fog began to clear and he could focus on Micha. Leaning back slightly, he lifted her chin to look in her face. The despair he found there was painful.

"Micha, listen to me…she was trying to hurt you. Everything she said was just to hurt you and get back at me. All I've ever wanted was to be a one woman man, to find a woman who would love me and let me love her, a woman like you. And as for the other part, well…once I wanted kids, but that was a long time ago. I'm too old to start over with babies and everything that goes with that but even if I weren't, if I have you, I have everything I need. Besides, we have Jimmy. My life is full as long as you are in it, you understand?"

She nodded, her eyes brightening. "Is this why you are having the nightmares, you think?" Jim asked. "Maybe," she answered. "It just…what she said…I want your babies Jim, but…I can't."

"I know. And it doesn't matter; not to me anyway. I …for your sake, I wish it could happen, but it's not something I care about anymore. Besides, I was a lousy father when I had the chance."

"You tried," she stated defensively. "If your wi…Nancy hadn't been so ugly about everything, you could have been better."

Jim grinned sadly. "Maybe. But I'm getting a second chance with Jimmy and I don't think I could do it without you. Which reminds me; I asked you a very important question back in L.A. And you said yes. I think it's time we did something about that."

"I thought…I thought you had forgotten… that you just asked because…"

"…because of Jimmy." Jim's heart plummeted as he finished her sentence. How could he have been such a dolt, letting the whole subject just drop like that? "I understand that you probably want to plan a beautiful wedding and all and if that's what you want…but, could we do it sooner rather than later? I'm um…well, I'm kind of anxious to make you my wife."

Micha's face lit up, happiness oozing from every pore. "I want that too….to get married soon. I don't care about a big wedding. I just want..." She sucked in a huge breath and then her words tumbled out, "I just want to be married to you, to know that …that we are together, that you want me even if I can't….can't have…"

"I want you, I love you, and everything about you…I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Baby."

"So could we just go someplace…not go through all the wedding planning and stuff?"

Surprise stopped Jim from answering immediately. She didn't want to plan a wedding? He thought all women wanted to make a big deal about it, but apparently she didn't. "Uh, yeah," he finally managed to utter. _Great asshole, just great…the best you got is uh, yeah? _I mean, I thought you'd…don't you want to plan something, make a thing of it, you know?"

Micha smiled at him. "No, I don't. I just want to do it and come home with you as your wife."

"Then, you pick the day. Tell me when."

Micha's eyes flashed down, towards the floor and then back at Jim, shyly. "Now?"

Jim was incredulous. "You mean like, right now?"

"Yes," she said firmly.

"Well, yeah…okay," he said happily. "Yeah, we can do that. But I don't have a ring, we'll have to get a ring," he said, his mind reeling.

"Really? We can…that's wonderful. Well, then …I need to find something to wear, to get ready and all, after all, it is my wedding day."

Jim chuckled. "Okay, I guess I need to shower and find something to wear too." Jim watched her heading towards the closet. "But I need to make a couple of calls first," he added.

After finishing his calls, Jim talked to Jimmy. "Hey Buddy, listen Poppy and I, we're getting married."

"Married?"

"Yeah, she's going to marry me, can you believe that? Tonight."

"Okay." The boy seemed unimpressed with Jim's information.

"See, the thing is….when a guy gets married, he needs a best man."

"What's dat?"

"A best man, well…he um stands up with the groom, the guy getting married, and helps him get through the ceremony. Like a best friend looks out for you…"

"Okay," Jimmy looked up at his grandfather, still unimpressed.

"Anyway, I was thinking maybe you'd be my best man?" Jim asked the boy.

"I'm just a boy…"

"Yeah, well…that's okay; you're still my best guy, aren't you?"

"Uh-huh…." The boy seemed to be warming up to the idea.

"So, you'll be my best guy tonight and help me keep it together. I mean, this is probably the most important thing I'll do, ever…"

"Okay," answered the boy, still not too impressed with his role in his grandfather's plans.

"Okay then, well….we need to get ready. A guy has to look good at his wedding. And you probably should dress up too."

Jimmy looked up at his Pops. "I gotta dress up?"

"Yeah, um….your best outfit, okay?"

The pair went to Jimmy's room to find his best clothes. Jim hadn't thought about buying the kid a suit but he remembered Micha insisting that the kid should have a nice pair of pants and shirt, so he looked through the closet and pulled the set out. "Okay, buddy?"

"Yep," said the boy, finally plugging into his grandfather's excitement.

Jim left Jimmy to get dressed while he went to get himself together. Stepping into his room, he stopped and watched Micha, who was sitting on the bed, rubbing lotion into her legs. _How can something so simple, so ordinary seem so exciting…so breathtaking?_ Jim decided that it would be the little things, like her rubbing lotion on her legs that he would enjoy the most about being married.

_**Six months later….**_

Jim sat in her doctor's office in shock. How could this be happening? It was impossible…he couldn't deal…He heard voices talking quietly, her voice, the doctor's voice and he tried to refocus, but it was too much. His head was spinning. Swiping his face with his left hand, he looked at the doctor intensely. "Wait, wait…wait…back up. You said…"

"Your wife is pregnant, Jim," the doctor finished.

"But…" he sighed, "but…it …"

"She misunderstood me, Jim. I told her that she would never be able to have a baby the normal way…meaning vaginally. I never said she couldn't get pregnant. And now she is."

Jim took a deep breath. He felt Micha tense next to him. Mentally, he knew his reaction was frightening her, making her think he was upset about it and he was, just not like she thought. "So, what are the odds, Doc…for a healthy baby, I mean?"

"There's no reason Micha couldn't have a healthy baby; she's in her early thirties, healthy…"

"Yeah, but…me…I mean, I'm older and I've read that…"

"An older parent does have the potential for problems, but you are healthy and… we'll monitor the situation. While I can't guarantee anything, I'd say the odds are in your favor."

Jim began to relax a little. _Still…a baby, at my age?_

_**Nine months later…**_

Jim stood next to Micha's hospital bed, holding his son. _My son…_Inside, he was giggling with glee. "We still don't have a name," he said looking across his son's head at his wife. Jimmy was curled in a chair next to her bed, asleep.

"Theodore means gift," she answered quietly.

Jim's eyebrow shot up. "I dunno. Theodore Brass…Theo Brass…Teddy Brass….hmmm, just hang a sign on him that says kick me. Although, there was that show…Kojak. His first name was Theo. That lollipop thing was pretty cool. The chicks loved it. Besides, the judge that married us, Judge Winters…his name is Ted."

"Well, Matthew means gift from God. I know you aren't…"

Jim lifted his hand to stop her. "Just because I'm not into the whole 'my god or you're going to hell thing' doesn't mean that I don't believe in Him. It's just, well… I guess I felt forgotten by Him for a long time. But now, yeah…gift from God works for me," he said as he looked into his son's dark eyes. "I sure as hell couldn't have done this on my own."

"Jim, you know how much this means to me, how much I wanted it. I know you were worried, still are, about starting with a new baby at this point in your life, but…for me, he is a gift from you."

Tears welled in his eyes. "Oh Baby…I um, yeah I 'm scared, but standing here, holding my son…_my _child, after so many years of thinking… of regretting the missing pieces in my life… And now not only do I have you but…a child, one that comes without baggage… As scarred as I am, I want this. This baby is a gift to us both." Jim looked into his son's eyes again. "So, what do ya think, Matthew Theodore Brass. Cool name, huh?"

* * *

So that's a wrap folks. I hope you enjoyed. It is time for me to move on, other story ideas are swimming in my brain. TO all who took the time to review, I so do appreciate. As anyone who writes this stuff knows, hearing from readers is a real confidence booster. We're putting ourselves out there with this, whether we're any good or not. And to have folks actually say they are reading and appreciate the effort really matters. I haven't always been the best a treviewing, but I'm trying to do please, whether it is my stuff or someone else's, please take the time to comment. And most of us appreciate constructive criticism as well as all the wonderful and great comments too. Beyond all that, I hope this is a happy holiday season for you and Merry Christmas to all who believe.


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